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Here's The Thing (Mary Ellen Matthews)

< Chris Rock

Transcript

Monday, December 05, 2011

ALEC BALDWIN:

This is Alec Baldwin, and here’s the thing. A few months back I attempted to catch up with Chris Rock.

[BACKGROUND NOISE/SCUFFLE]

His dressing room in Broadway’s Schoenfeld Theater was five floors up.

[VOICES]

Oh well – Chris’s show, The Mother____ [BLEEP] with the Hat. It was about a group of dysfunctional friends and lovers, where every relationship had gone bad, really bad – drugs, booze, cheating. No one was loyal to anyone. Chris played a recovering alcoholic who at first glance seems to be a good guy.

But after a few minutes it was clear he was the most self-serving of the bunch.

CHRIS ROCK:

Come on, man. You’re doin’ great, man. You’re on the precipice of somethin’ beautiful! Come and stay with me and Vicki, man! Get on a nutritional beverage program, man!

[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]

ALEC BALDWIN:

Before this past spring, Chris might have been the last person you’d expect to see starring in a Broadway show. I mean, Chris can sell out Madison Square Garden. P.S. They have an elevator. Yet, there he was, between performances, in his attic dressing room at the Schoenfeld Theater.

CHRIS ROCK:

I wanted my acting to grow.

ALEC BALDWIN:

You have, obviously, a huge following, black and white, in your concerts. And yet, when you go out in this audience, how black is the audience?

CHRIS ROCK:

Well, I mean, put it this way:  In the old days, they used to have signs up, “Whites Only, Whites Only.” Now they have a new thing. It’s called prices? You know, some nights it’s darker than other nights. I buy tickets every night. When this play is over, I will –

ALEC BALDWIN:

You spend your weekly paycheck on tickets for people?

[OVERTALK]

CHRIS ROCK:

- I will have spent almost a whole weekly paycheck on tickets.

ALEC BALDWIN:

As gifts for friends.

CHRIS ROCK:

As gifts for friends.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Who otherwise couldn’t come see the show.

CHRIS ROCK:

Who otherwise could not afford to see the show. I tour and I’m normally, you know, at the Garden or whatever. I have like 60,000 seats to give away when I’m normally on tour. And people have gotten used to this. “My man takes care of us.”

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah.

CHRIS ROCK:

And, you know, I – I can’t take that away from – [LAUGHS] friends and family.

ALEC BALDWIN:

You haven’t done a lot of theater, correct?

CHRIS ROCK:

This is the first play I’ve ever done.

ALEC BALDWIN:

This is the first play you’ve ever done.

CHRIS ROCK:

I didn’t do a play in high school. I didn’t go to high school. So not only your Broadway debut, but your first play, period. You’re with a pretty cool group of people.

CHRIS ROCK:

I’m with amazing –

ALEC BALDWIN:

With a lot of experience.

CHRIS ROCK:

You know what? They have held me up. No one ever got frustrated at what I didn’t know. You know?

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah.

CHRIS ROCK:

‘Cause there’s a bunch of little things that people take for granted. I have no idea that-

[OVERTALK]

ALEC BALDWIN:

Such as?

CHRIS ROCK:

You’re never supposed to walk straight at somebody; you’re supposed to loop – just all these weird little – things.

ALEC BALDWIN:

And my favorite is you don’t give information to the person. So if you’re standing here telling them something, you tell it out. You sit there and go, open, open –

CHRIS ROCK:

Yes, yes – yes.

ALEC BALDWIN:

- because you want to donate as much as possible.

CHRIS ROCK:

Oh, all that open, open, open, open, open stuff – yes. Even today I’m workin’ on it.

ALEC BALDWIN:

The Chris Rock that I know from your live shows, I don’t see much of him in this show, ‘cause that Chris Rock is like marauding the stage and has complete control over the audience. And this is a different Chris I see in the play.

CHRIS ROCK:

I’m really tryin’ to act here.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yep.

CHRIS ROCK:

[LAUGHS] You know what I mean [LAUGHING] –

ALEC BALDWIN:

Have you enjoyed it?

CHRIS ROCK:

I’m enjoying it a lot! A lot, a lot, a lot.

ALEC BALDWIN:

What was the rehearsal like?

CHRIS ROCK:

The rehearsal’s the hardest –

[ALEC LAUGHS]

- thing I’ve ever gone through in my life.

ALEC BALDWIN:

I always tell people it’s like having the Empire State Building shoved up your [BLEEP] ss – one brick at a time -

CHRIS ROCK:

Yeah, and you –

[OVERTALK]

ALEC BALDWIN:

- to learn the play.

CHRIS ROCK:

- can’t believe there’s ever gonna be a day when you know these lines.

[OVERTALK]

ALEC BALDWIN:

You’re gonna get it. What’s been the surprise about doing this, for you?

CHRIS ROCK:

Honestly, I’m surprised I’m doin’ it. I mean, I’m surprised that I’m not bored with it already.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Mm, were you afraid of that?

CHRIS ROCK:

Really, that – that – that’s the – that’s the biggest fear, to actually be – stuck doing anything.

[LAUGHTER]

ALEC BALDWIN:

Does this change for you night by night, day by day?

CHRIS ROCK:

You know what’s weird? I’m figurin’ out how to make it change now. So I’m actually figuring out how to ad lib every night without – saying words, how to work each scene a little different and each line, and try to find laughs in places that – I didn’t find one the night before. So I’m – it –

Yeah, so it’s – to answer your question, it changes every night.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Well, what I love about this play, by the way, everybody has loved someone, and not too far into the relationship you say to yourself, not only is this probably wrong, this is – definitely wrong. But you can’t get out of it. How – does this play resonate with you in your personal life?

CHRIS ROCK:

I’ve been every person in this play.

[ALEC LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS] There is not a person in this play –

ALEC BALDWIN:

You have – the betrayer, the betrayed.

CHRIS ROCK:

Yeah!

ALEC BALDWIN:

Everything.

CHRIS ROCK:

Everything, and it’s – the –

ALEC BALDWIN:

The one who [BLEEP] the other person in response to the betrayal.

CHRIS ROCK:

Yeah, yeah.

ALEC BALDWIN:

The revenge [BLEEP].

CHRIS ROCK:

I’m every person in the play.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Every person in the play.

CHRIS ROCK:

It’s the kind of play you can’t watch without putting yourself in it.

ALEC BALDWIN:

When you write your material for standup, how do the people in your life react to how you – filet them on stage, if you will?

CHRIS ROCK:

You know what, I'm like a lawyer, in a sense. I mean, it's – it’s almost like a legal document.

[ALEC LAUGHING]

It’s all worded like it's all our wives –

[OVERTALK]

- and all our fam — you know what I mean?

[BOTH AT ONCE]    

It's like, like if you — if I gave you the transcript, you'd be like, he hasn't talked about anybody.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah, right. It wasn't you, baby!

[OVERTALK]

CHRIS ROCK:

It would all — it would all hold up in court.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Right. It just did.

[CHRIS LAUGHING]

But you - but you never have anybody in your life.

CHRIS ROCK:

No, no, everybody's uncomfortable. I — I remember I read a quote. Tarantino said, if people in your life aren't uncomfortable, you're not really writing. You're not really hittin' it, you know. So somebody better be uncomfortable.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Did you grow up in a situation that was remotely like this, in an emotionally -turbulent —

[OVERTALK]

CHRIS ROCK:

An emotionally —

ALEC BALDWIN:

— environment?

CHRIS ROCK:

No, my parents — put it this way:  My mother cursed a lot, screamed a lot.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah.

CHRIS ROCK:

You know, my father —

ALEC BALDWIN:

My mother beat us with a curtain rod.

CHRIS ROCK:

Yeah, my — you know, yeah, beatin' us with curtain rods and brooms and brushes –

ALEC BALDWIN:

And hangers.

[OVERTALK]

CHRIS ROCK:

- and hangers, whatever.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah.

CHRIS ROCK:

But I mean, my father — it's weird, my father, his temper towards my mother was always controlled.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Right.

CHRIS ROCK:

With us, he could lose it. [LAUGHS]

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah, why do you think that was? He wanted to protect that.
    
CHRIS ROCK:

I don't know. I mean, first of all, I mean, guys from that era did not view women as their equals. They didn't.

ALEC BALDWIN:

That’s right – right.

CHRIS ROCK:

And they were loving and blah-blah-blah-blah- blah, but they did not view women as their equals. Therefore, they could actually deal with the woman's emotional, whatever, swings way easier than a guy my age, 'cause I view a woman as my equal.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Right.

CHRIS ROCK:

So if I'm with a woman and she starts cryin’, I look at her like I'm with you when you start crying. [LAUGHS]

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah. I say to women but don't go female on me.

CHRIS ROCK:

[LAUGHS] I'm like somethin' — I look at her like I would look at a guy that gets emotional.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah, I thought if we're equal then you can't play that card.

CHRIS ROCK:

Right.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Don't play the female card.

CHRIS ROCK:

So I'll just say my father and my grandfathers, both of 'em, were really delicate [LAUGHS] with their wives, you know. Not a child, but close to a child. [LAUGHS]

ALEC BALDWIN:

How is it different for you?

CHRIS ROCK:

I - my wife's my equal. And, you know — you know, any butting of heads is because –

ALEC BALDWIN:

Right.

CHRIS ROCK:

- I, I want — I'm dealing with you the same way I would deal with myself or I’d deal with any guy. And - we're both wrong.

ALEC BALDWIN:

What are you going to do when this is over, do you know?

CHRIS ROCK:

I'm not sure. I think I'm gonna direct a movie. That's what I'm feelin'.

ALEC BALDWIN:

So this is the time in your life when you do all the things you told yourself you'd never do, a play on Broadway, direct a movie.

CHRIS ROCK:

Yeah, yeah, so -

ALEC BALDWIN:

Why do you want to direct a movie?

CHRIS ROCK:

I don't know. I —

ALEC BALDWIN:

Is this your Warren Beatty phase –

CHRIS ROCK:

No –

ALEC BALDWIN:

- or something, Woody Allen phase?

[OVERTALK]

CHRIS ROCK:

Yeah, I don't know. Let me put it this way: If I can get a great director to direct me, I'll do it. But once — once you get to the —

ALEC BALDWIN:

That you wrote?

CHRIS ROCK:

Yeah. Once, once you get to the C list, you might as well do it yourself. That's what I say.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Mm-hmm.

CHRIS ROCK:

Yeah.

ALEC BALDWIN:

How picky are you about the films you do, 'cause you don't do a lot of films?

CHRIS ROCK:

Um, I don't know, I mean, I turn down a lot, but I don't have a list of great films I've turned down.

ALEC BALDWIN:

You turn down — regardless of whether they're great or not, do you turn them down because for you, you always have this standup thing in your pocket and the concert thing in your pocket; you're not in any hurry to go out and make a living.

CHRIS ROCK:

[PAUSE] Most movies suck, man, really suck. See, I'm - I'm messed up 'cause I like to see somethin' I haven't seen or I haven't seen with a black person. Black people in film is still at its — really at its infant stage. And —

ALEC BALDWIN:

Why do you think that?

CHRIS ROCK:

I don't know. You know what, here's the thing. You know, you hand a studio person a script, and sometimes the studio people are good. Ninety-nine percent of the time when you hand somebody a script, they pick a person in the movie that they identify with. So if you hand a woman a script, if the woman's got nine lives in the movie, the first person she gives you notes about is the woman.

And if you hand the boss the script, he's gonna give you notes about the main character. And if you hand his assistant the script, he's gonna give you notes about some other. Everybody figures out who they are in the movie.

Now, when you hand somebody a black script, they don't relate to anybody in it.

[ALEC LAUGHS]

Even — [LAUGHS]

ALEC BALDWIN:

That's a very good point.

CHRIS ROCK:

No, I'm serious, even when it's —

[BOTH AT ONCE]

- the most -

ALEC BALDWIN:

And when you have an executive who does relate to a black person in the script, what does that mean to you? You've struck gold?

You’ve struck –

[OVERTALK]

CHRIS ROCK:

No, well, it's — it's never really happened. They just —

ALEC BALDWIN:

Uh, never?

CHRIS ROCK:

They're making a product, all of a sudden. That's what I've - experienced. And - when you do — the — because I mean, there's no black studios or whatever, so you end up — you always end up with just a person trying to make a piece of product. They might as well be makin' —

[OVERTALK]

ALEC BALDWIN:

Potato chips.

CHRIS ROCK:

They might as well be makin' an iPad, like really.

ALEC BALDWIN:

They're in the potato chip business, as far as you’re -

[BOTH SPEAK AT ONCE]

CHRIS ROCK:

Really. Yeah, they're kind of in the potato —potato chip business.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah but you seem to me, because you're so smart and so clever, that you have as much of a white audience as you do a black audience. Don't you think so?

CHRIS ROCK:

Yeah, yeah.

ALEC BALDWIN:

In spite of the fact - your standup can be pretty tough on white people.

CHRIS ROCK:

Yeah, but I always say my standup's like Chinese food. And mm-hmm, what's Chinese food? Well, Chinese food is one of the most popular foods in all of America. And they don't put American ____[BLEEP] on their menus.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Right.

CHRIS ROCK:

People really want Chinese food.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah, yeah.

[OVERTALK]

CHRIS ROCK:

They don't put French fries an’ —

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah, grilled cheese.

CHRIS ROCK:

— grilled cheese [LAUGHS] on the menu of [LAUGHS] —

ALEC BALDWIN:

Right. So you're -

CHRIS ROCK:

[LAUGHS] The most popular restaurant –

ALEC BALDWIN:

So you’re - you're the Chinese food of black comedy.

[BOTH AT ONCE]

CHRIS ROCK:

People — no, I'm just sayin', when people see-

ALEC BALDWIN:

When people come to Chris' restaurant, they think about Chris' menu.

CHRIS ROCK:

When they — they want Chris' menu. It's the guy that tries to cross over [LAUGHS] that gets less with white people, I find. [LAUGHS]

[OVERTALK]

ALEC BALDWIN:

Do you think the appeal to you with a black audience is how much you have fun with white commentary? Do - your black audience expects you to do that when they come see you.

CHRIS ROCK:

They expect me to do it, yeah. Oh, wait, what am I tryin' to say? First of all, all the material is run by — run through black — it's — actually [LAUGHS] it's run —

[BOTH SPEAK AT ONCE]

ALEC BALDWIN:

It's run [LAUGHS] —

CHRIS ROCK:

It’s run through black people.

ALEC BALDWIN:

By a commission.

CHRIS ROCK:

Actually, first it's run through Jews. I always work out the material in West Palm Beach.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Right. No, get out of here.

CHRIS ROCK:

Yeah, I go to West Palm Beach. And guess what? They show up. I play a little club. So I figure I'm in front of these people, they're a little older, if I can get them to laugh at this, when I get in front of the black people, they're gonna go berserk!

And then I get in front of the black people –

[MUSIC UP AND UNDER]

- I make some adjustments here and there. And this is all before I put like the garden or somethin' on sale. So it's these two very different groups I work it out in front of.

ALEC BALDWIN:

How old are you now?

CHRIS ROCK:

[LAUGHS] I'm 46.

ALEC BALDWIN:

You're 46.

CHRIS ROCK:

Forty-six, man, which means?

ALEC BALDWIN:

I'm 53.

CHRIS ROCK:

Dude, we're old.

ALEC BALDWIN:

When you started — and you started?

CHRIS ROCK:

I started probably five, se — seven years before I got on SNL. But I always say I haven't been — you know, I haven't been poor a day since I met Lorne Michaels.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Right.

CHRIS ROCK:

And – I never been broke.

[OVERTALK]

ALEC BALDWIN:

Me neither.

CHRIS ROCK:

[LAUGHING] Since I met Lorne Michaels. And a lot of his stuff sticks with me. One thing he said to me is like everybody loses their first money.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah.

CHRIS ROCK:

Now, if you're talented, you'll make some more.

ALEC BALDWIN:

I - I can't believe he said that.

[CHRIS LAUGHS].

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah so, so he's so right.

[CHRIS LAUGHING]

He knows more about — let's take a moment to talk about the wisdom of Lorne Michaels.

CHRIS ROCK:

Oh, he's - oh —

ALEC BALDWIN:

He's always there to remind you how you can lose perspective about this business –

CHRIS ROCK:

Yes.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Or at least in my case, like —

[BOTH AT ONCE]

CHRIS ROCK:

Oh, no, no, no, he's very good with all of that.

ALEC BALDWIN:

But how much have things changed in your mind, and not just for you, but for you specifically, but in the business?

CHRIS ROCK:

I don't know about you, I find the business a lot smaller. Uh -

ALEC BALDWIN:

In what way?

CHRIS ROCK:

Less movies, less — I mean —

ALEC BALDWIN:

Less stuff that relates to me.

CHRIS ROCK:

That's right. You know what, less stuff that relates to me.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah.

CHRIS ROCK:

I'll say that.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah. It’s for the young people.

CHRIS ROCK:

You know, this whole reality thing, I'm not gonna dismiss it - you know, sound like it’s some old person talkin' about rap music: It's not gonna last. [LAUGHS] You know what I mean? But —

[BOTH AT ONCE]

ALEC BALDWIN:

But do you think —

CHRIS ROCK:

At the same time, I don't get it.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Do you think you'd make it today?

CHRIS ROCK:

Yeah.

ALEC BALDWIN:

If you came in today.

CHRIS ROCK:

Yeah. Me and Sandler, we — that's our little test with each other. We kinda — we assess the standups, and we go, yeah. Yeah, I could do it.

ALEC BALDWIN:

You've still got it.

CHRIS ROCK:

I've still got it. Yeah, I keep the weight off a little bit, you know. That's what I'm tryin' to do. [LAUGHS] Bon Jovi.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Still doing it.

CHRIS ROCK:

Still doin' it.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Still doin' it.

CHRIS ROCK:

Still doin’ it, man. Just look hot, just try to look hot to somebody.

ALEC BALDWIN:

You don’t have to lie [?], You’ve still got it, you still look — How many kids you have now?

CHRIS ROCK:

I got two.

ALEC BALDWIN:

How old are they?

CHRIS ROCK:

Nine, getting’ ready to be nine and getting’ ready to be seven.

ALEC BALDWIN:

So, little. Where are you worried about raising your kids in this world?

CHRIS ROCK:

I care that they're good with money. I don't even care if they're assholes [BLEEP]. When I say good with money, I just mean you got two dollars and you spend one, and you put a dollar in the bank. I don't mean that they run Microsoft or they flip money and buy houses. I just mean —

ALEC BALDWIN:

Does that come from your childhood?

CHRIS ROCK:

Be — yes, it comes from my childhood.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Same with me.

CHRIS ROCK:

I just mean, can they handle their own money? That's it, 'cause —

ALEC BALDWIN:

'Cause it's a tough hole to get out of.

CHRIS ROCK:

A tou – it’s a tough hole to get out of.

[OVERTALK]

And it's a weird hole for a pretty woman to get out of. And they end up in relationships with guys they wouldn't have a relationship with.

ALEC BALDWIN:

There's a great line that Anthony Quinn has in Lawrence of Arabia where he says “I am a river to my people.” It’s -

CHRIS ROCK:

Yeah, I'm gettin' a lot of that now.

ALEC BALDWIN:

You're, you're like that.

CHRIS ROCK:

Well, I mean, here's the thing: You can only help. Like, I got some family right now, a guy, whatever losin' his house, whatever. I'm gonna help him move in to wherever he's gonna move into. I'm not buying his house –

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah –

CHRIS ROCK:

-'cause he's never gonna be able to afford the house.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Right.

CHRIS ROCK:

So yeah, I — my — I'm a river, but —

ALEC BALDWIN:

It's a little river.

CHRIS ROCK:

It's a little river.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah.

CHRIS ROCK:

'Cause when you turn down somebody, and they know you have the money!

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah.

CHRIS ROCK:

It's one thing to go, these kids are kickin' my ___ss [BLEEP] or whatever [LAUGHS] and you don't have the money. They know you have the money!

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah, yeah.

CHRIS ROCK:

So it's, it's almost like a woman go — it's like, I know you have a vagina and you have sex. You just don't want to have it –

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah –

CHRIS ROCK:

- with me!

ALEC BALDWIN:

Right, right.

CHRIS ROCK:

[LAUGHS] It's like —

ALEC BALDWIN:

I remember I used to do a movie and they'd say to me, in whatever way — what would come back was, we don't have the money for that. And what they really were saying was, we don't have the money for that - for you.

CHRIS ROCK:

For you!

ALEC BALDWIN:

For you, we don't.

CHRIS ROCK:

We got it for Leo.

ALEC BALDWIN:

We have, we have the money, if we — exactly.

CHRIS ROCK:

If Leo loves it.  

ALEC BALDWIN:

For Leo, we're going to sell our houses –

CHRIS ROCK:

[LAUGHS] Yes.

ALEC BALDWIN:

- to get Leo to come.

CHRIS ROCK:

Yes.

ALEC BALDWIN:

You know, but for you we don't have the money.

CHRIS ROCK:

We do not.

ALEC BALDWIN:

And that's what you're saying to people in your life, is “I don't have the money for you.”

CHRIS ROCK:

“I don't have the money - for you.”

[OVERTALK]

ALEC BALDWIN:

For you.

CHRIS ROCK:

[LAUGHS] You're not gonna be the reason I'm doing some bad Kung Fu movie, okay? [LAUGHS]

ALEC BALDWIN:

I got one last question for you. When you're home and you really want to relax, what do you like to watch? Like, what's entertainment to you?

CHRIS ROCK:

You know, it's probably Woody.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Why?

CHRIS ROCK:

Just about any Woody –

[OVERTALK]

ALEC BALDWIN:

What do you love about him?

CHRIS ROCK:

[LAUGHS] gets me like —

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah, me too.

[CHRIS LAUGHING]    

I'm gonna go do his new movie. I'm - I'm going —

CHRIS ROCK:

Oh, you lucky bastard.

ALEC BALDWIN:

I am a lucky bastard.

CHRIS ROCK:

God bless you!

[OVERTALK]

ALEC BALDWIN:

I am, I'm so lucky.

CHRIS ROCK:

You know, one of the only — one of the reasons I'm doing this play is like maybe Woody’ll come.

ALEC BALDWIN:

Maybe Woody’ll come.

CHRIS ROCK:

[LAUGHS] Maybe!

ALEC BALDWIN:

Any Woody?

CHRIS ROCK:

Just about, man. I mean, put it this way:  The average great filmmaker, great, has about four good movies, right?

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah.

CHRIS ROCK:

Woody has about 12. [LAUGHS]

ALEC BALDWIN:

Yeah, Woody has a dozen great movies.

[OVERTALK]

CHRIS ROCK:

[LAUGHS] You know what I mean, like —

ALEC BALDWIN:

Doesn't he?

CHRIS ROCK:

Like great, and then he probably has about 10 more really good ones. [LAUGHS]

[BOTH AT ONCE]

ALEC BALDWIN:

Exactly. Bingo.

CHRIS ROCK:

I even like the new ones. Hey man, Match Point's a fine motion picture. Vicky Cristina [Barcelona], I can't - I'm happy.

ALEC BALDWIN:

So that's the dream, is to be in a Woody film.

CHRIS ROCK:

That is really — really honestly —

ALEC BALDWIN:

And this is how unfair this world is.

CHRIS ROCK:

I love the guy.

ALEC BALDWIN:

And here I am. I don't have one-tenth the talent you have in comedy –

CHRIS ROCK:

Oh, shut up!

ALEC BALDWIN:

- and I'm off to Rome for a movie with Woody-

[OVERTALK]

CHRIS ROCK:

Dude, come on!

ALEC BALDWIN:

I'm off to Rome.

CHRIS ROCK:

To Rome!

[OVERLAP]

ALEC BALDWIN:

Well, I want to rub this in. Watch – even  further. I'm off to Rome to make a movie with Woody, and you'll be here –

[CHRIS MOANS]

- sweatin' your balls off in this steam room. It's like the scene in the play today, where you say to him, you were lookin' at a picture of her, while I was tappin' on the real thing.

CHRIS ROCK:

[LAUGHS]

ALEC BALDWIN:

You're going to be watching Woody and I'm going to be tappin' on the real thing.

CHRIS ROCK:

Oh, man!

ALEC BALDWIN:

I'll be thinkin’ about — But we're both gonna be happy.

CHRIS ROCK:

It's not too late.

[MUSIC UP AND UNDER]

ALEC BALDWIN:

Of course, it's not too late.

CHRIS ROCK:

It's not too late. Maybe one day.

[LAUGHTER] [MUSIC]

ALEC BALDWIN:

The entire time we were in Chris' dressing room, a Woody Allen movie played on the TV off on to the side, muted.

CHRIS ROCK:

Ah, you're goin' to work with Woody, bastard. Dude, I just want to hang on a set. I just want to like - what happens?

ALEC BALDWIN:

Come to Rome, and it’ll be like Chris, what are you doin' here, man?

CHRIS ROCK:

[LAUGHS]

ALEC BALDWIN:

Woody, you know, Chris.

CHRIS ROCK:

When are you guys, in the fall? You never know.

ALEC BALDWIN:

We'll, we'll make it –

[OVERTALK]

ALEC BALDWIN:

Chris did eventually make it to Rome, and he did have dinner with Woody Allen.

[MUSIC]

CHRIS ROCK:

Best of all time.

ALEC BALDWIN:

He never called me though. Huh!

[MUSIC/MUSIC UP AND UNDER]

This is Alec Baldwin and you're listening to Here's The Thing. This podcast comes from WNYC. Tell me what you think. Let me know at heresthething.org.

[MUSIC]

[END]

Guests:

Chris Rock

Hosted by:

Alec Baldwin

Produced by:

Emily Botein and Kathie Russo