Here at Sandwich Monday, we love exploring the many varied cuisines of the world. So when we found ourselves in the food court of the Mitsuwa Marketplace Japanese supermarket just outside Chicago, we went directly for the burger stand, Gabutto Burger.
We ordered the Tofu Burger, marinated in teriyaki and deep-fried, which the menu describes as "slightly healthy."
Eva: "Slightly healthy" is how someone might lie about their figure on match.com.
Miles: Oh, good, all the disconcerting texture of tofu with none of the health benefits.
Ian: I like how they wrap the tofu in a deep-fried wrapper. It's like opening a birthday present where the wrapping is better than the present.
Ian: I bet it's pretty heartbreaking when Beef Patty is stalking Bun on Facebook and sees it's replaced him with Tofu.
Miles: The burger's OK; the real star is the deep-fried salad they serve on the side.
Robert: I like a lot of extra stuff on my burger. I think I'll add a slab of beef to this one.
Miles: Tofu and deep fryers seem like natural enemies. Eating this is like finding out that Harry and Voldemort start dating at the end of Harry Potter.
Ian: This sandwich is really Messi. Sorry, my World Cup fever hasn't worn off yet.
[The verdict: not a superior eating experience to a veggie burger, but an interesting change of pace. Improved by mayonnaise, which is true of everything in the world.]
Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me!