August 03, 2015 11:56:06 PM





“The sun rose and everything fell.”

“Now, Dean, you were supposed to write an introduction to the male anatomy, not a novel. Now I haven’t read the whole piece, but did you even read the guidelines of the assignment given?”

Inaudible croaks are heard from Dean’s mouth, his mind scrambling for an excuse. The small boy shrinks back into his chair, embarrassment nearly radiating off of his red face. Giggles travel around the classroom, and a kid named Vick even launches a pencil towards him. Dean tries to explain to the unforgiving teacher that the assignment isn’t his, but his words fall amongst deaf ears.

Not deaf ears, just ears attached to a woman who really doesn’t give a rat’s ass. Between the horrible teaching salary, the increasingly low attendance of her students, the hundreds of failed relationships, and the death defying amount of crack she manages to inhale on her free time, this once-lesbian-now-whatever health teacher is long past her caring days.

Dean, on the other hand, really cares. Dean cares way too much to be attending a school where Bill Nye teaches you science from a glorified box with a screen. Still, every school has to have a smart ass, and Dean fills the role perfectly. From his preppy clothes, to his annoyingly large vocabulary, Dean was born as a number 2 pencil with a mouth for kissing ass. In Dean’s defense, he really didn’t write the piece which caused this eruption. A boy named DeAndre sitting towards the back of the classroom swapped Dean’s submission with a torn page from his mother’s Fifty Shades Of Grey.

And, in DeAndre’s defense, Fifty Shades of Grey does give a thorough introduction to the male anatomy. By now, all of the 15 kids who decided to show up to health class that day have their focus pointed towards anything but health related matters. DeAndre has snatched the paper from his overweight, drug hungry teacher, and taken a stand on her desk reading in a professorial voice. The few kids who pay him the attention which he is craving laugh hysterically, while other students break into argument, others sleep, and a symphony of noises -- which closely resembles that of an angry mob of chimpanzees – grinds on.

Amidst the commotion, now with tears rolling down his face, Dean is able to escape the classroom. He runs through the hall, en route to the principal’s office. “Principal Alex” wails the upset juvenile as he pounds on the office door. “Principal Alex?!” Dean’s unanswered cries reverberate through the hallways, grabbing other student’s attention in the nearby classrooms. Finally, after minutes of slamming, screaming, and crying, the door swings open.

A slouched, overweight man stands in front of Dean. His glasses sit crooked on his confused face, and he wears a half buttoned plaid shirt, which graciously displays his copious amount of chest hair. Upon seeing the well-dressed boy in front of him, the principal, in an attempt to button the upper portion of his shirt, tears off a button. A string of curses ensues, and the large man slams his hand onto the desk positioned to the left of him. His hand now in intense pain, the principal falls backwards, clutching his wounded claw. He rocks back and forth on the plush carpet like a lonely, scared toddler. With the principal engaged in his childish fit, Dean is finally able to have a view of his office, without a 400 pound man staggering in front of him.

There is a black leather chair directly behind the downed principal, with an imprint from his bottom still engraved to the seating. Across from the chair sits a T.V, still blaring the obnoxious voice of an excited announcer. On screen, Dean makes out two large wrestlers brawling for what seems to be a suitcase positioned above a ladder. He watches as the larger man grabs the ladder, and smashes the head of his opponent with the metallic apparatus, causing the announcer to explode with a series of expletives.

After a battle to regain balance, Principal Alex manages to find his feet. He strides out of his office, grabbing Dean on the way out. Dean, through tears, manages to explain to Principal Alex why he had to interrupt his testosterone infused wrestling fest. Walking towards the classroom, the symphony of noises causes the weary principal to move from his disjointed waddle, to his attempt at trotting. As they near the destination, the principal’s ears perk up as the sound of something similar to a gunshot rings from the classroom. The man, fearful of what lay inside, took his final strides towards the door, and Dean watched as Principal Alex stared at the door handle and slowly turned the knob