Lindsay

15

I go out in the boat
That my family only rents
In the summers.
I want to see the colors
The blue of the sky and sea,
The green of the grass,
The brown of the dock, and also of the trees in the
Distance.
The yellow sun
The white clouds
I drink it up.
I want to see it all.
Of course,
No one knows where I have gone.
I do not have my boating license-
I am not supposed to be here.
But I’m hungry, and
The only thing that will satisfy me
Is the colors.
Now, the clouds are turning
black.
I need to find the shore
But all of a sudden,
I realize- I CAN’T. I don’t know
HOW.
But
The reds and blues and yellows
And greens
And browns
And black
Are starting to whirl before my open eyes
Before my closed eyes
Before my open eyes again.
My breath halts in my throat
Then starts
And stops
And starts
And leaves my body as a shock of wind.
Insignificant to the air,
But life to me.
I want it back-
I gasp and claw and scream
For it
But no breath returns my calls
And then-
It’s wet.
I’m wet.
Where am I?
How did everything get wet?
When did the greens and yellows and blues
And reds
All become black?
The feel of the wheel
Is gone from my hand.
In fact,
The feel of
Anything
Everything
Is gone from my hand.
I strike out-
I want it back.
I want the feeling back.
My fingernails are
claws,
but the water
does not
bend
for them. And
i
_am
__s
__i
__n
__k
__i
__n
__g.
up or down?
Where did the sky go?
Where did I go?
Is that the boat?
The shape
Tumbling
Around and around
And around
And around again.
Stop spinning!
I command my senses
Stop spinning
Around and around
And around
And around again
Like the boat
Its spinning
Im moving towards it
And away
And back again.
I pass the boat-
My senseless fingers stumble along the sides
Grab it!
I scream
THIS
JUST
LETS
IN
MORE
water.
It is in my mouth
Falling
Down my throat
My stomach
My chest
My lungs
I can’t breathe.
Everything is moving
Shifting
And then-
I’m up. Out of the water. Breathing.
I open my eyes-
I have time to sneak
A quick look at the
Now grey sky
The now
Angry
sky.
And then
BOOM!
I’m hit by another roiling mass of
Water.
I’m surrounded by nothingness again.
All I see
Hear
Taste
Smell
Feel
THINK
Is water.
Am I dying?
Is this what it feels like?
All-consuming fear?
All-consuming water?
I need air-
I try to stick my head above the ocean
I need to stick my head above the ocean
I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS OCEAN
I NEED –
nothing.
no air
no boat
no color
and now,
there
is
no
m
e