Rachel
17
"Isaac"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU KNOW WHAT HIS NAME WAS?
Isaac
His name was Isaac
the baby when the baby baby
baby
came
she laughed
laughed
ha ha
ho ho
he he
baby
never
came
would fuck for hours
in clean
sweaty
white
grey
sheets, two
bodies trying
to mold each other
like clay
that summer
I made a man,
said God
I made a man from clay
molded a man
from dust and
to dust among
dust and bunnies
and bunnies and
men and bunnies
hunt men and
where are the
men Isaac
Isaac where are
all the men
the Abrahams
and the Jacobs
and oh
the Noahs
of my past,
how Noah and I
tight-roped
along the river
“the water looks so good right now”
“you look so good right now”
and tore off his striped
t-shirt, the hairs
of his chest
goosebumping
straight out
belly button in the moonlight
a reminder of where we came from
and jumped into
the good-looking water
Noah
and the flood
oh yes
and the whale
Jonah? the boys and the bible stories
collude
intrude
I am distracted
again
Isaac
laughing laughing
howling cajowling
“tell me more tell me more”
Isaac wants to know
the whole history of the world
of a girl
I climb
his shoulders
picking cherries
from his hair
I LOVE YOU
(laughing)
the story is three strangers came
told Sarah she would have a son
100 years old, Sarah
laughed
she laughed
and Isaac — the name
of the baby
was Isaac
means
laughter
as much as he laughed
he never found release
as much as he laughed
he never finished
anything
would walk in on the boy
reading
in the kitchen
a stack of dishes
mid-wash
a tower in the sink
“I feel like I can’t focus”
daddy issues
was the root of it
the time his father
took him up to the top
of a mountain
to say
baby
look at the view
look at the
other mountains
we didn’t climb
and the sun
we didn’t climb
and the trees
we didn’t climb,
holding a knife
over his head,
the blade of it
reflecting
mountains
sun
trees
unclimbed
unconquered
and all in the name of faith
a father that loved
his God
over his Son
down below,
Sarah learned what was happening
and died of a heart attack
aged 116
it is impossible for a mother
to love a God
over her Child
I’m sorry if this sounds bad
but it is true,
“you always think that if things are true
you should say them” Isaac says
I do think this
so I do not understand what he means,
and I continue
lying in bed next to him
talking about nothing
talking about
how crazy I think it is
that all of history
culminates in this
in us
in this moment
and Isaac laughs
and I ask him why he’s laughing
and he says he feels
like crying
but he can’t,
and he takes me
tight-rope walkers
along the river
up the crest
through the trees
up to the top
of the mountain
to say,
baby
baby look at the view
look at the
other mountains
we didn’t climb
and the sun
we didn’t climb
and the trees
we didn’t climb
and he said,
“I want to jump
but I can’t”
and I laughed
he he he
and ho ho ho
and ha ha ha
and teetered on the precipice
and understood.
