Streams

The Terror and Joy of Fatherhood

Tuesday, June 03, 2014

Father and son Father and son (Phil Hilfiker/flickr)

Becoming a father can be one of the most profoundly terrifying, exhilarating, life-changing occasions in a man’s life. Brian Gresko, editor of the essay collection When I First Held You, and contributors Lev Grossman and Matthew Specktor talk about fatherhood and how being a father changed the way they saw the world—and themselves.

Guests:

Brian Gresko, Lev Grossman and Matthew Specktor

Comments [23]

thatgirl from manhattan

M&M - I heard Lesley, too--and was embarrassed for him.

He may have been a stud, but he's no muffin.

Jun. 03 2014 02:28 PM
The Truth from Becky

Never said any of that, relax, my statement is not personal. I am sure you are or would have been a great Father given the chance to.

Jun. 03 2014 01:38 PM
jgarbuz from Queens

Becky is one of those extreme fraticidal or patricidal father-haters who cannot deal with the truth, that given the chance fathers can be as loving, nurturing as any mother on the planet! But rarely are they given the chance, as they are constantly being bombarded by the Left wing feminist man-mashers who hate any competition for the love of the children. It is war, and nothing less.

Jun. 03 2014 01:29 PM
jgarbuz from Queens

Becky is one of those extreme fraticidal or patricidal father-haters who cannot deal with the truth, that given the chance fathers can be as loving, nurturing as any mother on the planet! But rarely are they giving the chance, as they are constantly being bombarded by the Left wing feminist man-mashers who hate any competition for the love of the children. It is war, and nothing less.

Jun. 03 2014 01:28 PM
The Truth from Becky

Meanings & Definitions

A PERSON who nurtures.

Jun. 03 2014 01:25 PM
The Truth from Becky

@JGBUZ - Harness your testosterone jgarbuz!! - I'm right, men are not NATURAL nurtures no matter what you say. Providers, Protectors and fixers for sure...BUT maybe not you, cause you sure whine like a biotch!

Jun. 03 2014 01:23 PM
jgarbuz from Queens

Becky

You are LYING or totally ignorant. I nurtured and I know better than YOU! Period.

Jun. 03 2014 01:08 PM
jgarbuz from Queens

Becky

You are LYING or totally ignorant. I nurtured and I know better than YOU! Period.

Jun. 03 2014 01:07 PM
The Truth from Becky

@JGBUZ - Harness your testosterone jgarbuz!! - I'm right, men are not NATURAL nurtures no matter what you say. Providers, Protectors and fixers for sure...BUT maybe not you, cause you sure whine like a biotch!

Jun. 03 2014 01:03 PM
jgarbuz from Queens

Becky

As usual you are WRONG and not telling the truth. Biology gives men the same desire to love and protect THEIR children as they do to the person that biology has selected to physically have the womb. This denial of father's rights is precisely why things have become the way they are, and will get worse until we are forced to produce babies in hatcheries.

Jun. 03 2014 12:47 PM
KY from Princeton

M+M: I did. And I agree-- it's sad to hear.

Jun. 03 2014 12:38 PM
M+M from UWS

Did anyone else find the caller Lesley's cascading snide remarks (repeatedly throwing shade on his co-parent and her partners; speaking in a flip way about the choice to bring a child into the world) distasteful? So much possibility--so many unexplored issues.

Jun. 03 2014 12:37 PM
Amy from Manhattan

On ambition, it seems to me that fathers who stay home w/their children have just transferred their ambitions to something more important, & going way beyond lip service (as in "children are the most precious, important thing in life").

Jun. 03 2014 12:35 PM
The Truth from Becky

Men are not born with a natural urge to nurture, so it does INDEED take work to be a good Father. They need to be watched closely however to protect children from their other dominant urges (anger & sex)

Jun. 03 2014 12:32 PM
Orion from Manhasset

On not repeating your parents' mistakes: I did the same as my dad, but different. Rather than traveling the world as a smuggler and winding up in prison like my dad, I was a 'dancing dad'. I danced for the Paul Taylor Dance Co, on the road about 6 months out of the year till my boy was 3 and my daughter had just been born. It was fantastic while it lasted and I was only able to continue with the support of my wife who retired from performing when she became pregnant. Now I'm a college professor ...

Jun. 03 2014 12:29 PM
jgarbuz from Queens

Bonding and de-bonding. All part of this silly thing called "life."

Jun. 03 2014 12:29 PM
jgarbuz from Queens

Bonding and de-bonding. All part of this silly thing called "life."

Jun. 03 2014 12:28 PM
jgarbuz from Queens

I love these theoretical writers suddenly turning into fathers and finding out the difference between reality and their fictional concepts about life :)

Jun. 03 2014 12:25 PM
thatgirl from manhattan

qJgarbuz inveighing with his usual hyperbole. If you actually listened to these men, it sounds like they left their marriages of their own free will--no one's claiming they were "pushed out."

Jun. 03 2014 12:25 PM
thatgirl from manhattan

Newsflash to men and women who divorce, but continue to co-parent: you're not a "single parent;" you're just divorced.

Jun. 03 2014 12:22 PM
jgarbuz from Queens

it doesn't matter what you do, it's all biology. It's a natural instinct for fathers to strongly love and want to protect their children for the first years. This is how our species works. Human infants cannot care for themselves until they are at least 6 years old or a bit older. The male is kept around by the female for a period of time whether she likes him or not to protect her and the child. Once the child is ambulatory and has sufficient reasoning capabilities, the female can then get another male, if she is attractive, and chase the present less desirable one out. It only depends if she can attract a superior male to back her up. OTherwise she must raise the child alone which is a more difficult task unless relatives or the government helps out.

Jun. 03 2014 12:20 PM
Peg

Fortunately the rules are changing about assigning custody. I have several male friends who have custody of their children and our daughter decided when she was 9 that she did not want to live with her irresponsible mother any more. She chose to live with her father and me. More and more often, judges are recognizing that some mothers are not good parents.

Jun. 03 2014 12:13 PM
jgarbuz from Queens

Fatherhood is great while it lasts. But in this day and age, it only lasts as long as mommy wants it to last. Fathers today serve completely at the pleasure of the Mother, just as the president's cabinet serve at pleasure of the president. He, like they, can be dismissed at any time.

Jun. 03 2014 11:57 AM

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