I’m hesitant to write about Ship Your Enemies Glitter, because it means my enemies will know that I know about the site, and I will thus be implicated in any future glitter shipments. Still, the new site, from some brilliant Australians, is too good not to share.
Finally, ecommerce has fulfilled its true potential in the form of a website that allows you to anonymously mail a package full of tiny, gritty, obnoxiously persistent spangles to anyone who has done you wrong, anywhere in the world. For just nine Austalian dollars and ninety-nine Australian cents (or around $8.14 US), your nemesis will look like they’ve spent a week at Mardi gras, picked up a shift at the local Gentleman’s club, or attended their first One Direction concert – and any New Orleans resident, exotic dancer, or tween girl will tell you that that garbage just does not come off. Besides being initially just an enormous pain to clean up, glitter – like sand after the beach or popcorn after a movie – will pop up in places that you never expected, for weeks after you believed you had rid yourself of the last shiny speck. What’s that in your belly button? What’s that in your eye fold? What’s that in your back molar? Its glitter, and it will be, forever.
Which all leads to an important question: Is this real? As the site says:
Yes, you fucking idiot. We spent too much time, money & resources putting this shit hole of a website up to not get paid for it.
That sums it up. These geniuses are serious business. The idea is so devious and brilliant that ShipYourEnemiesGlitter.com has been overloaded with users all morning.
And now, let us have a moment of silence for the interns in the Congressional mailroom. They are but pawns in this war, so do not judge them if you see them wandering around Capitol Hill, looking like David Bowie in Dockers.