Streams

A Player Leaves the Game

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Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Transcript

Jozen Cummings hopes that he's had his last first date. (Jozen Cummings)

Jozen Cummings can’t get any woman he wants. But for a while there, the New York Post's dating reporter was doing pretty well for himself. He used to take out multiple women a day: one for coffee, another for lunch, and another for dinner. He left the rest of the night open for a wild card.

But as a kid, he'd watch his single mom stare at the phone, waiting for a man to call. They often didn't. He knew he didn't want to be one of those men. For a long time, he was.

Now that he's found the woman he plans to spend the rest of his life with, he knows he can't treat her that way. 

So there are challenges ahead. For example, all that dating he did wrecked his financial life. He also made some pretty bad decisions — like cheating — that ruined past relationships. Because his father couldn't keep a relationship together, he's had to learn what it means to be a committed partner on his own. 

Jozen and I talked about how what life was like as a confident ladies' man, what he learned from his father’s death, and what he hopes for after bachelorhood ends.

INTERVIEW HIGHLIGHTS

The first girl he liked didn’t like him back:

You definitely remember the first. Roxanne, this girl in my second grade class. I started off coloring pictures for her at home and leaving them at her desk. I’ll never forget one day, the person sitting next to me tapped me on my shoulder and said turn around, Roxanne is trying to get your attention. And I turned around and she just mouthed the words, 'I don’t like you.' And I was just like, Oh man. I was so upset, and so hurt....And that stayed with me. And you just don’t forget that feeling. And what’s funny is that no matter what age it comes, it feels the same.

Jozen Cummings in middle school.

 How he learned to be confident:

I worked the deli section of a restaurant, which was right next to the host stand. And we had a bunch of pretty hosts. And all of them were about — if I was 16 they were 18. [One of them said], you know Jozen, the number one thing that you have to have as a man is confidence. It doesn’t matter how you look to anybody, but people can see whether you’re confident. So you have to be confident if you want to get anywhere with girls. And that’s when I just kind of told myself, well, okay, get confident.

 He doesn’t want to die alone like his father:

None of [the mothers of his children] showed up to his funeral. What that showed me was that you can love someone, but you can also put them out of your life. And I just thought that, here was my father, a man who was loved, but nobody really wanted to be there.

On dating black women when you're multiracial:

I feel like for a while, I subscribed to this idea that I was actually being like, doing a noble thing. Like that I liked black women was somehow progressive….I grew out of that. And that’s when I, once I let that go, that’s when I started becoming more open to dating anybody....I used to feel like very much that they were a gateway, or they strengthened my identity.

Why he’s getting his finances in order:

What I see with Gina is somebody who will love me, and ride for me, like be by my side. But I don’t want her to have to take responsibility for decisions that I made before she came into my life. And my finances are a reflection of that. And I’m really trying to get myself into a better place, because I want to take care of her.

You can read a full transcript of our interview, and visit Jozen's blog, Until I Get Married, for regular updates on his love life.

    Music Playlist
  1. Take a Ride - Death, Sex & Money Theme
    Artist: The Reverend John Delore and Steve Lewis
  2. Drops Of Water In the Ocean
    Artist: Broke For Free
  3. BWN Discotheque
    Artist: Jack Ventimiglia, BMI
    Label: BWN Music
  4. Still Not a Player (Instrumental)
    Artist: Big Pun
    Label: Sony

Guests:

Jozen Cummings

Hosted by:

Anna Sale

Comments [9]

Aa from WI

i think he said some really interesting things, particularly near the end (which some people, it appears, didn't bother to listen through to), about having to mess things up real good before getting to a point where you realize you might actually want to commit, even though it is scary. i don't know. i found some points of identity with this one. it looked fluffy from the outside, but everyone can identify with relationship issues. maybe it depends on where you are, yourself.

Oct. 14 2014 02:46 PM

Anna - I appreciate your podcast and I will continue to listen. I had to tap out when he started talking about black women. Maybe get back to him in a couple of years?

Sep. 05 2014 02:57 PM
Steve5280 from Melbourne Australia via Denver Colorado

I love this show, but this episode is completely inane. I'm a black man from a middle class background who has been married for 22 years. This guy Jozdn is young and immature. He has absolutely no idea what he is talking about, and the mark of his youth is that he thinks he has things figured out when he doesn't have a clue. Ridiculous. Please don't interview ignorant people like this. I had to stop listening. Jozdn Cummings is idiotic.

Aug. 29 2014 11:28 AM
Shey B from SF, NO Mans Land

Though many may disagree... I loved the fact that you reached outside the usual anglo problems and embraced a more open talking space. JOZEN - I loved what you had to say about black women. I believe there plenty of misconceptions regarding this topic but in the end of it I want to hear of women like me in the dating space.

-Olivia Pope

Aug. 24 2014 06:43 PM
Tess from Boston

Not worthy content. Usually love and enjoy your content. Not this one. Please be more selective in future, this came off as the braggings of an immature man-boy.

Aug. 18 2014 11:20 AM
nr

I used to work with this guy (but knew him very vaguely) so I was sort of curious to hear this pod-cast. But honestly even I lost interest pretty soon... I agree with other posters, this is really not real content. Essentially he was immature and may have grown up somewhat. Or is trying to. How boring.

Aug. 15 2014 04:54 PM
Andy from Philly

If this is content, anything is content. How low are your standards? Vey low.

Aug. 14 2014 11:21 AM
Ron from Bronx

Seriously why put this guy on the air? Nothing wrong with him but what the... Why? This conversation is just not worth broadcasting to many people. Maybe interesting to overhear at a bar. Maybe. Mostly, who cares?

Aug. 13 2014 10:43 PM
Looks like

Seinfeld!

Aug. 13 2014 09:04 AM

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