Two years back, we noted that Miss USA's costume at the Miss Universe National Costume Show was a mashup of tradition and vulgarity: "like crossing the Delaware to go to Hooters."
This year's costume show was Sunday night, and like the entire Miss Universe bash this year, it was in Russia. The U.S. broadcast, we should note, will not be hosted by Bravo's Andy "A Man, A Tan, A Cabal" Cohen, because he thinks that as a gay man, showing up in a country where he might be arrested isn't a great idea either practically or in principle. (In all seriousness, it's worth reading Cohen's thoughts on this.)
But the show did go on, and the costumes did take the stage, and we simply had to ask: How did Miss USA do this year? We take a tour of the show, and can guarantee you that all facts and quotes found in our captions have been checked to ensure that they are not true at all.