Free Valentines Day Poems From PayPal

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In what is surely the most incongruous piece of marketing this season, electronic payment service PayPal is employing poets to write Valentines Day poems on the spot for consumers. I suppose it makes sense, as I've always found online transactions very romantic.

You have a couple of options with the service - you can chat live with a poet who will create a poem on the spot, though the service cautions you to "please let the poet work without interruptions. Poems cannot be changed so commenting as they type will only be disastrously distracting." If you need a poem but don't have the time for a live chat, you can send them some cursory information and one of the poets for hire will craft a poem and mail it to you.

Of course the service asks you if it can share your poem on social media platforms and if it can use your email address to contact you, but you can opt-out of both of those.

I asked poet Mattie Bamman to make a poem for me using the following fictional touchstones from my romantic life:

  • We both practice kung fu.
  • We both love slasher flicks (especially Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Profondo Rosso)
  • My nickname for my sweetheart is Santiago Durango.

This is the poem I got. Pretty good, honestly:

I have nothing to add to this other than just reiterating my love for the internet. Try it yourself. And don't forget to tip your poet.