Streams

Don't Call Bisexuality a Fad

Wednesday, January 08, 2014

men, women, gender

Is the term 'bisexual' more embraced now? Ellyn Ruthstrom, president of the Bisexual Resource Center, takes calls from listeners responding to the label and changing attitudes toward bisexuality.

Guests:

Ellyn Ruthstrom

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Comments [53]

_________Begin QUOTED Text____________

Geoffrey and his wife (a journalist) had only known "obvious queens" as their reference point for homosexuals. Vidal, all masculine and athletic, was revealing to them in breaking the stereotype. In conversation, Geoffrey said to Vidal that the idea of anal penetration was "pretty repellant" to him. Vidal was taken aback and quickly noted, "Oh we don't do that! We don't do that!" When Geoffrey asked Vidal what he did sexually, he noted that Vidal, "used a curious expression, 'belly rubbing' ... I had never heard of that."

But, doesn't the evidence lead to a clear conclusion that frottage, frot, or "belly rubbing" is the normal and instinctual way to express sexual affection between two males? And, when you accept that as a fact, you come to realize that there are no labels. [3] There are no gays, straights, and bisexuals, as nouns, only as adjectives do they exist.

_______End QUOTED Text________________

Excerpts from:
'The Anal Sex Myth: A Frottage Manifesto'
http://man2manalliance.org/crw/frot/analsexmyth.html

NOTE: Graphic content.

Jan. 21 2014 07:44 AM

Chemda -- omg hilarious

Jan. 10 2014 01:10 PM
Sean from NYC

The caller Chemda is from Keith and The Girl! Aces 10!

Jan. 09 2014 11:49 AM

Who called it a fad?

Maybe bisexual "experimentation" is a phase in some people's lives, or perhaps it is the evolution of a sexual identity which ebbs and flows. For instance, men who engage in homosexual sex in prison may identify as straight when they're in the free world.

But that does not mean bisexuality is a fad.

Jan. 09 2014 09:06 AM
Mr. Bad from NYC

@ Ana from Manhattan

I too am frequently amused at those who are always amused by those who have no interest in a topic but then feel compelled to share that lack of interest. I find it amusing that they find it amusing when people complain about things and people that annoy them, waste their time, are vapid, pointless, etc mainly because such superior, easily amused people rarely "get" empathy and are confused by it. And that is genuinely amusing.

Jan. 08 2014 06:23 PM
Ana from Manhattan

I'm always amused by those who have no interest in a topic but then feel compelled to share that lack of interest.

People are curious about sexuality. If you're 100% straight, you may not notice this, but trust me, the rest of us do. Human beings speculate about sexual preference all the time. Those of us who are bi but with partners of the opposite gender are assumed to be straight, and most of us don't want to overshare but don't want to contribute to invisibility either.

Jan. 08 2014 05:12 PM
billy

I'm sorry, but to all those commenters arguing this is a pointless or boring topic, just read the comments on this story to see why it's still an important topic.

"Let's get rid of the label "bi-sexual" and replace it with the label "self-absorbed.""
"Can BIs be monogamous ?"

etc. etc.

When seemingly intelligent people have all these misconceptions about a certain demographic, then yes, the story or topic is worth discussing. For the record, many bisexuals are monogamous, but some are not, just like straight and gay people. And I can't think of anyone more self-absorbed than commenting on a topic they think is uninteresting.

Jan. 08 2014 01:51 PM
simpsonsmovieblew

Is this a good time to demand that NYC install a monocycle lane?

Jan. 08 2014 11:37 AM
Paul from Glen Cove

It's sad nation still, with all the prevalence of religion we're just a bunch of prudish hung-up freaks. Wouldn't it be a happier culture when 'singles night' meant the inclusion of all?

Jan. 08 2014 11:30 AM
John A

Tower of f---ing Babel. And I spend significant parts of my life trying to understand.

Jan. 08 2014 11:27 AM
smb

<"RE: me from chelsea at the moment"
See what Simsponsmovie guy there said? that is the problem entirely. And that problem has to do with the lack of respect and acknowledgment of the range of human experience. I find the need to stick everyone in a box perplexing. I find the binary, either-or, manichean outlook inadequate to the task of explaining human behavior and identity and its expression. I am attracted to individuals who have an interesting brain, big heart, spirit, humor and love of life. I've found those qualities in wildly different packages in terms of gender, background and race. I loved them all but I am hard pressed to find a label that I feel comfortable with. Everyone has an opinion about how other people are living their live, and I don't get why.>

Your comment pretty much sums up my attitude, which is, do whatever you want -- celebrate life! But it's your personal life…. I respect your PRIVACY. I don't need to know the ins and/or outs. True, Brian put it on the radio as a segment, making it a topic, but I'm guessing it's a one-off.

Jan. 08 2014 11:22 AM
RJ from prospect hts

I realize there are time constraints, but I wish there had been some acknowledgment of the last callers comments on his experiences concerning perceptions of him and AIDS, bi/homosexuality, and the African American community.

Seems like this is a big option for another segment.

Jan. 08 2014 11:22 AM
AP from Brooklyn, NY

As a lesbian-identified cisgender woman, my disappointment arises when some bi-identified folks who have been in long term straight relationships do not actively acknowledge the straight privilege that they receive and experience as a result of their coupling with a person of the opposite gender identity. That privilege has real and significant benefits.

Jan. 08 2014 11:18 AM
Edward from Washington Heights AKA pretenious Hudson Heights

Annie,

> [[Edward from Washington Heights AKA pretenious Hudson Heights
As Woody Allen said, It doubles your chance for a date for Saturday night.
Jan. 08 2014 10:18 AM]]

> No. He said, "Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love."

He is credited for both. Look it up.

Jan. 08 2014 11:18 AM

Sexuality is definitely on a spectrum, but why aren't we talking about how this spiked trend toward transexualism (unsustainably via the continued use of synthetic hormones) could very well be the manifestation of environmental illness? We increasingly understand how pollution affects plants and animals, particularly the endocrine system and increasing hermaphrodism, so why aren't we having a conversation about the possibility of physiological fundamentals before obfuscating this very serious environmental situation behind a social issue?

Jan. 08 2014 11:18 AM
genejoke from Brooklyn

The to caller who feels the urgent need to explain her sexual preference to anyone within earshot:
Nobody cares. So please, get over yourself.

Jan. 08 2014 11:18 AM
MarcQue'los from Delaware

I love bisexual men! I live in New Castle, Delaware and a masculine gay guy is practically unheard of here! I date bisexual men in order to get the masculinity that I crave! Thankful for the bi-guys!

Jan. 08 2014 11:17 AM
Richard Simons from Garfield, nJ

Lets not forget that historically being "bi" was the standard for ancient Greece.

Jan. 08 2014 11:17 AM

Sexuality is definitely on a spectrum, but why aren't we talking about how this spiked trend toward transexualism (unsustainably via the continued use of synthetic hormones) could very well be the manifestation of environmental illness? We increasingly understand how pollution affects plants and animals, particularly the endocrine system and increasing hermaphrodism, so why aren't we having a conversation about the possibility of physiological fundamentals before obfuscating this very serious situation behind a social issue?

Jan. 08 2014 11:17 AM
MS from Brooklyn

I personally think bisexuality is a lot more common than most people think but I think the issue the bisexual community faces is one of visibility. Speaking as a gay black man and having dealt with a few bi men in my life i have always felt that they tended to suppress/hide their gay side and play up their straight side because of the shame still associated with sleeping with the same sex. So the bisexual movement suffers as a whole because of this stigma as bi men still feel safer hiding that side of them. I think bi's tend to get from both ends as both the straight and gay communities look at them with their own separate disdain.

Jan. 08 2014 11:16 AM
John A

Confusing modern alphabet soup - the terms bisexual, queer and polyamorous. Many too many terms for the same thing.

Jan. 08 2014 11:16 AM
Nick from UWS

Lady on the phone: Nobody gives a flying f.... what your sexuality is. Really not.

Jan. 08 2014 11:14 AM
jm

Also, I'd like to remind everyone that women aren't programmed by default to desire sex with other women.

Jan. 08 2014 11:12 AM
simpsonsmovieblew

We have a dog, but also a Hamster. I would like to eat a ham sandwich. Am I hiding this from my toaster? Thank You.

Jan. 08 2014 11:12 AM

Sexual navel gazing.

Jan. 08 2014 11:12 AM
genejoke from Brooklyn

Why explain your sexuality to anyone beyond your closest family or friends? For special attention needs? Sounds like a lot of navel gazing b.s. and extreme emotional issues.

Jan. 08 2014 11:11 AM
Ali from Midtown

I don't really understand why we are even still having the discussion of gay vs. bi vs. straight vs. whatever. Human sexuality is a spectrum, and is often a fluid spectrum, and most people oscillate (even if these oscillations are slight) between different parts of this homosexual to heterosexual spectrum. Putting people in boxes is limiting and ignorant, and creates such unnecessary anxiety and shame in our society.

Jan. 08 2014 11:10 AM
Nick from UWS

If you were to put this whole topic in a nutshell, you would arrive at "narcissism".

Jan. 08 2014 11:10 AM
Elsie from Brooklyn

The gay community really needs to get over the fact that there is a large number of people out there who don't care about gender or labels at all. We fall in love with human beings, not labels, and it's unbelievably condescending for gay people to say that bi-people don't exist, that we are simply in denial about being gay. Really? And how is this different from the born again Christians thinking that gay people aren't really gay, they just haven't met the right person yet?

I know many women and a couple of (incredibly cool) men who had gay relationships and then went on to marry people of the opposite sex. Are they deluded? Gay people need to get over themselves and stop worrying about who the rest of us sleep with.

Jan. 08 2014 11:10 AM
Truth & Beauty from Brooklyn

Thank you, Nick from UWS and Zzzzzzz.....

I'm turning off this segment.

Jan. 08 2014 11:09 AM
Amy from Manhattan

A bisexual woman who was in a progressive organization I belonged to once wrote an article in its newsletter comparing her sexuality to a river, as in the phrase "You can't step in the same river twice"--meaning that it was different every time. (I'm not saying it's like that for all bisexuals, or all people, but that was how she described it her own experience.)

And just as I finished writing that, Brian said sexuality could be "fluid"!

Jan. 08 2014 11:09 AM
Abby from Midtown Manhattan

Bisexuals are so often defined by who they are dating (i.e., if you're in an opposite-sex relationship, you are rejected from the LG community and counted as "straight"; if you're in a same-sex relationship, you're viewed as gay/lesbian by default). Can we please get to a point where we can acknowledge that bisexuality is a legitimate sexual orientation and open our minds a little bit to accept that everyone is NOT 100% gay or 100% straight?? Is that REALLY so difficult to comprehend? Completely agree with the guest - sexuality is not stagnant as people want it to be.

Jan. 08 2014 11:08 AM
J M from UWS

Sigmund Freud said we are all bisexual. We just make a choice to make life easier.

Jan. 08 2014 11:07 AM
foodaggro from Brooklyn

Do many "bisexuals" stay "bisexual" throughout their entire life? Or is it really just an identity transition from closet to out?

Jan. 08 2014 11:07 AM
Andrew from Brooklyn

What's up with bisexual guys, what do they do, wake up and flip a coin?

Jan. 08 2014 11:07 AM
jm

Why is this controversial? I've always assumed everyone is on a spectrum somewhere between extreme homosexuality and extreme heterosexuality.

Jan. 08 2014 11:06 AM

Can BIs be monogamous ?

Jan. 08 2014 11:06 AM
Truth & Beauty from Brooklyn

How about NOT labeling/defining people according to their sexual preference. When you meet a new person, you shake hands and say, "How do you do? Nice to meet you. What do you do?" You do NOT ask, "WHO do you do?"

One's sexual preference should be between him/her and any CONSENTING ADULT partner(s). Period.

Can we move on to other topics that are outside the bedroom, please?

Jan. 08 2014 11:05 AM
Tish from NYC

I am SO sick of sexual identity politics.

Jan. 08 2014 11:05 AM
Nick from UWS

One thing is for sure...someone who spends hours droning on and on about sexual labels and analyzing their own sexuality until you want to blow your own brains out is someone I would never get involved in, no matter what their sex was.

Jan. 08 2014 11:04 AM
Peg

What about the group of humans who label themselves non-sexual? Those who are not interested in sex or do not want to touch another human sexually. Seems like they might be a sizeable segment of society.

Jan. 08 2014 11:04 AM
Annie Hall

[[Edward from Washington Heights AKA pretenious Hudson Heights
As Woody Allen said, It doubles your chance for a date for Saturday night.
Jan. 08 2014 10:18 AM]]

No. He said, "Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love."

Jan. 08 2014 11:01 AM
Dana

What implications does bisexuality have for marriage equality? Should someone who is bisexual be allowed to marry both sexes, or would that not be relevant to most bisexuals?

Jan. 08 2014 11:01 AM
john from office

Is anyone here tired of all this?? Eventually we will run out of letters. I rather people be free to do what they want, but not insist on talking about their issues endlessly. Blah Blah Blah!!!!

Jan. 08 2014 11:00 AM
Zzzzzzz.....

This is a boring and silly topic. No one cares.

Let's get rid of the label "bi-sexual" and replace it with the label "self-absorbed."

Jan. 08 2014 10:59 AM

Label mincing.

zzz.

Jan. 08 2014 10:59 AM
Nick from UWS

Some people feel limited by "men and women"? What, because you're leaving out animals or reptiles or stuffed toys? What kind of PC drivel is this? Why are people spending their irreplaceable seconds of life thinking and arguing about this crap?

Jan. 08 2014 10:58 AM

I just really do not think that the most salient thing about someone is the gender of the people to whom they're sexually attracted...any more than their age, height, or eye color. I'm attracted to PEOPLE.

Jan. 08 2014 10:58 AM
fuva from harlemworld

That "sex" word muffs up discourse here. It puts too much focus on the act, and issues of identity and love get lost, counterproductively...Do bisexual folk fall in LOVE with both? Or is it just that they can have sex with both? Because many more humans/creatures fit into the latter category than is acknowledged...

Jan. 08 2014 10:34 AM
me from chelsea at the moment

See what Simsponsmovie guy there said? that is the problem entirely. And that problem has to do with the lack of respect and acknowledgment of the range of human experience. I find the need to stick everyone in a box perplexing. I find the binary, either-or, manichean outlook inadequate to the task of explaining human behavior and identity and its expression.

I am attracted to individuals who have an interesting brain, big heart, spirit, humor and love of life. I've found those qualities in wildly different packages in terms of gender, background and race. I loved them all but I am hard pressed to find a label that I feel comfortable with. Everyone has an opinion about how other people are living their live, and I don't get why.

Jan. 08 2014 10:32 AM
RUCB_Alum from Central New Jersey

Is there a substantive distinction between 'bisexual' and 'indiscriminate'? How about just 'super horny'? Do the bisexual truly not have a preference or just okay with loving the one their with?

Jan. 08 2014 10:24 AM
Edward from Washington Heights AKA pretenious Hudson Heights

As Woody Allen said, It doubles your chance for a date for Saturday night.

Jan. 08 2014 10:18 AM
simpsonsmovieblew

L, OK. G I get. But B and T -- *oy*!

Jan. 08 2014 09:37 AM

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