Parenting Pointers

Email a Friend

Chico loves his parents, but thinks they can learn a few things about parenting - from him. Chico thinks since he's a teen, he knows how best to parent teens. Chico's come up with some pointers for parents, and explores them in his story.

Chico was mentored by Maureen McMurray.

 

Chico's "Plan For Parents" contains 13 do's and don't as well as his motto for parenting. Here are a couple of the rules Chico says parents should follow:

"DON'T BE SO NOSY"

Like if your kid has some friends over, is it really necessary that you go in every 5 minutes and ask them "Do you need something? Are you thirsty?" If your kid is not a complete idiot, he's going to know to ask his friends if they want something. Like you can go in once and say "Is everything all right - do you want me to go to the store and get some Chinese food?," but just go in once or twice. And when your kid's friends get there - introduce yourself, and say: "Do your parents know you're here? Maybe you should call them and tell them you're here, and that it's alright because I'm going to be here."

Only go through your kid's stuff if the kid's actions or the things he's hiding can affect the family in a negative way - like if your kid comes home smelling like weed every day, there's a good chance he's doing weed. So then go through his drawers real quick (he probably didn't even hide it well), but don't go through his drawers reading all his papers, going through his folders - that's just unnecessary - like they're really going to hide weed in a folder or on a paper! They're not going to write on a piece of paper "I'm smoking weed!" 

The best way to know what your kid is doing is to have a good relationship, and ask him.

 

"ALLOW YOUR KIDS TO COME HOME LATE SOMETIMES"

If you know where they are, it's no problem. If you know what your kids are doing and what surroundings they're in, it's okay if they're out late - if you know where they are, there shouldn't even be a curfew. Don't tell a kid they can go to the party, but tell them they have to be at home at 12pm when they told you the party was going to finish at 3am. Then they're going to come home late anyway, and they're going to tell you "I didnít know what time it was. I was dancing!" If you want them to come home safely, just give them money for a cab so they can come home right in front of your doorstep, and then you won't worry what time they're walking in the street. Cabs work 24 hours a day!

Also, if you tell your kids to be home at a certain time (because maybe you have a family plan) and they're late and don't have a good excuse, they're being disrespectful and didn't understand the whole family had to wait for them because they were late! Then, the next time you can not give them permission to go out before the family plan - as a punishment! Let the other kids go out if they came home on time!


CHICO's 3 INGREDIENTS FOR GOOD PARENTING:

trust
respect
understanding

CHICO's MOTTO:
The best way to know what your kids are doing is to have a good relationship, and ask them. You can't yell at your kids all the time, and put them down, and then expect them to have a good relationship with you and tell you what they're doing. You should be their friend and their parent, and tell them all the stupid shit you did as a kid so they understand you're a normal person. Cause then the kid knows that you were a regular kid one time and you know what type of crap they're going to try to pull. 

CHICO's RULES - DO's and DON'Ts FOR PARENTS

TOP 5

1) DO NOT YELL AT THE SMALL STUFF

When your kid does something wrong, do not yell if it is not necessary. You can ground them for an appropriate period of time. It is not necessary to yell at them over little things, and parents: breaking curfew can be considered to be a little thing! 

Yelling causes kids to grow hate for their parents. 

2) UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR KIDS NEED TO SPEND TIME WITH THEIR FRIENDS EVEN OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL 

Understand that your kids can't be with you all the time - when they get older they're going to want to spend more time with their friends. 

You can't expect your kid to want to stay next to you forever. Remember whom you turned to as a child and understand why (because it's easier to talk to kids your own age.) 

3) BE GRATEFUL FOR THE THINGS YOUR KIDS DO

Example: You send your kid out to the store or supermarket all the time, so every now and then, go by yourself and ask your kid(s) if they want something from the store (like a special drink or some candy.) Also, say "thank you" - your kid will know you appreciate what they are doing. 

4) DON'T BE SO NOSY 

Like if your kid has some friends over, is it really necessary that you go in every 5 minutes and ask them "Do you need something? Are you thirsty?" If your kid is not a complete idiot, he's going to know to ask his friends if they want something. Like you can go in once and say "Is everything all right - do you want me to go to the store and get some Chinese food?," but just go in once or twice. And when your kid's friends get there - introduce yourself, and say: "Do your parents know you're here? Maybe you should call them and tell them you're here, and that it's alright because I'm going to be here." 

Only go through your kid's stuff if the kid's actions or the things he's hiding can affect the family in a negative way - like if your kid comes home smelling like weed every day, there's a good chance he's doing weed. So then go through his drawers real quick (he probably didn't even hide it well), but don't go through his drawers reading all his papers, going through his folders - that's just unnecessary - like they're really going to hide weed in a folder or on a paper! They're not going to write on a piece of a paper "I'm smoking weed!" 

The best way to know what your kid is doing is to have a good relationship, and ask him. 

5) ALLOW YOUR KIDS TO COME HOME LATE SOMETIMES

If you know where they are, it's no problem. If you know what your kids are doing and what surroundings they're in, it's okay if they're out late - if you know where they are, there shouldn't even be a curfew. Don't tell a kid they can go to the party, but tell them they have to be at home at 12pm when they told you the party was going to finish at 3am. Then they're going to come home late anyway, and they're going to tell you "I didn't know what time it was. I was dancing!" If you want them to come home safely, just give them money for a cab so they can come home right in front of your doorstep, and then you won't worry what time they're walking in the street. Cabs work 24 hours a day! 

Also, if you tell your kids to be home at a certain time (because maybe you have a family plan) and they're late and don't have a good excuse, they're being disrespectful and didn't understand the whole family had to wait for them because they were late! Then, the next time you can not give them permission to go out before the family plan - as a punishment! Let the other kids go out if they came home on time! 

MORE RULES 

6) LET YOUR KIDS WEAR WHAT THEY WANT AS LONG AS IT'S SAFE 

Do not worry about what your kids are wearing except if it is attracting dangerous negative reactions from certain people - I mean sexual attention for girls. I wouldn't let my daughter wear short skirts or shirts with titis popping out - because I know how teenage boys think. Otherwise clothes should not be an issue - boys should wear get to wear whatever they want. 

7) PLAN FUN TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY AND DO NOT CANCEL!

Plan more days in which the family can be together and have a good time. Plan this at least once every two or three weeks. Try very hard not to cancel. Canceling to stay late at work when you could do the work the next day is not a good excuse! If you do cancel your kids will feel let down. 

8) SUPPORT YOUR KIDS IN SOMETHING THEY WANT TO DO EVEN IF YOU THINK IT'S A BAD IDEA 


Example: If your kid wants to join a team or club that is time consuming and you believe there will be no real benefit to it, encourage them to do it if it is important to them because they might benefit from it (like I might think my kid playing golf is a waste of time - but maybe that would help my kid concentrate or feel good about themselves if they're good at it.) 

9) BE A GOOD ROLE MODEL

As a father, set strong values in your son, and for your daughter show her a positive male figure. Example: show your son how to be a young man with respect, pride, and other values. Show your daughter a positive male figure: A male figure that shows respect for all, and respects his spouse - and does not treat her as an object but as an equal. 

10) Do not hit your kid unless he or she behaves in a very disrespectful manner - DO NOT HIT over little things.

Example: Your kid comes home forty-five minutes late. Do not hit them when they come in because they were probably with their friends joking around. Hit your kid ONLY when he or she behaves as if they can overpower you in any negative way - like if they raise their hand to you. But the father may not hit the daughter in the same manner as the son. He can punch the son, but should barely slap the daughter (and not in the face!) The mother should play a role in discipline too. The mother can hit both kids because she's with them most of the time, and it's better for the mother to hit the daughter because a guy should not hit a girl or he might really hurt her. 

11) DO NOT TALK DOWN TO YOUR KIDS OR EMBARRASS THEM IN FRONT O THEIR FRIENDS

Example: Some parents pick up their kids from a school party - like one time I saw this dad get out of his car and was mad his daughter didn't come out sooner, so he got out of the car and started yelling, and then she started crying because her friends were watching. A parent shouldn't do that. It probably took her a while to get out because there were so many kids in there. If it's something understandable, just wait patiently. And if she didn't have a good reason, go up to her and tell her sternly in her ear why you're mad - but don't make a face or people will pick it up, and don't yell at her in front of people. If you want to yell, wait till you're alone - in the car driving away. Some people just don't have patience. 

12) Ask questions at an appropriate time

Don't just go up to your kids' room while they're doing something and just sit next to them looking around because the kids are going to know there's a stupid question coming up. The questions can't be out of nowhere. You can't go up to a kid watching a basketball game and say "Are you having sex or are you smoking?" That's a totally absurd moment to ask a question...The kids are going to feel uncomfortable because they're trying to watch a basketball game which is completely opposite from sex. 

13) The sex message for kids is : for a boy, use protection, for a girl, don't do it! 

If you start noticing the opposite sex calling more often, then joke around with it - like for a boy tell them "Don't have sex with all these girls" - like "you don't know what's wrong with them," and if it's a girl, tell them "Don't do it unless this guy is very very special to you - or the guy's going to think you're easy and he's going to tell his boys you're easy", and if it's a neighborhood like mine, that shit's going to go around quick. That's just for my daughter. I don't care about nobody else's daughter. I don't want my daughter to have sex with a guy unless she's been going out with the guy for a long time, and they haven't cheated on each other ... and I know the guy - because you can tell when a guy has bad intentions or good intentions. Again, boys should use protection, and girls, "Don't do it!"