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Things I've Learned From Being Dumped

Thursday, February 14, 2008

What have you learned by being dumped? Tell us about your pains and gains from failed relationships by leaving a comment below. Also, Ben Karlin of "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report" is editor of the new book Things I've Learned From Women Who've Dumped Me; David Wain and Sam Lipsyte are two of the contributors.

Events: Things I've Learned From Women Who've Dumped Me...LIVE! Thursday, February 21 at 7:30 & Thursday, February 28 at 7:30 pm
Upright Citizens Brigade
307 West 26th Street
To learn more and purchase tickets, go here.

Guests:

Ben Karlin, Sam Lipsyte and David Wain

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Comments [18]

Betty Arce from Bronx, New York

Whenever I've been dumped,I've been very productive after. My writing is more creative and intense, I seek out friends more, and I manage to complete a lot of unfinished projects. As painful as the break-ups have been (last one was 14 years ago), I've used the time to reflect, restore, and reinvent myself.

Feb. 14 2008 01:41 PM
edf from Washington Heights - NOT pretentious "Hudson Heights"

Several years ago I decided that I needed to get out of a relationship. I looked in vain for a website with real, sane, practical tips on how to dump with tact. I couldn't find one. When I used drive to her house in Jersey to pick her up to go out, I would pound on the dash and scream "I've GOT to get out of this!". By the time I reached her home, I had calmed down and we went out and had a good time. Weeks, months later, I bought tickets for the circus at the Garden and on the way there I told her that I had to get out. We did go to the circus that day, but I was the only one crying at the circus. My way to minimize the pain, for both of us, was to tell her that she'll be my "Elaine" and I'll be her "Jerry". We can still be friends and we do call each other every few months - but it's over - thankfully.

Feb. 14 2008 01:23 PM
Roger from Bronx

To Deb, try also "I'm not in love" by 10CC.

To BN, it ain't necessarily so! It depends on how much you are into the person, sometimes you feel like you just don't want to get back in the mix; and what about some relationships that take a while to get to the intimate phase?

Feb. 14 2008 01:04 PM
Jason from Brooklyn

Some people prefer to be the one doing the dumping.

I tried to dump an ex and she was so upset about it that I decided to stay with her and a few week later she dumped me and she was able to move on much easier.

Feb. 14 2008 12:50 PM
Catherine from Long Island

I am not a serial dumper. I've been in 3 serious relationships including my husband of 15 years and dated only 3 other guys very briefly. I dumped relationship number two when I realized that as much as he loved me, I didn't want to marry him so I couldn't go on seeing him. I realized I loved his extended family but not his immediate family and that he himself had traits similar to his immediate family although not immediately obvious.

Feb. 14 2008 12:46 PM
bn from bklyn

males deal better with being dumped than with being the dumper, because our gender (men) instinctively want to maximize our number of sex partners, so when we're dumped, after a few tears, we think: Hey, a new sex partner awaits me!

Feb. 14 2008 12:46 PM
AWM from UWS

When the my first love dumped me in college it was truly an awakening.

I realized that I was no longer a young and happy innocent, those days were over. I found that I was just as insane and pathetic as any of us can be.

"Send Her My Love" by Journey went from innocuous to profound very rapidly.

Feb. 14 2008 12:45 PM
hjs from 11211

one good relationship makes earlier bad relationships seem so insignificant

Feb. 14 2008 12:40 PM
Zak from New York, NY

Well, I'm still not sure what I learned from this, but when I was 24 and had first moved to New York, I moved because of a woman. She had been living in Seattle, I had been living in Chicago, we had dated in college in Boston and "found" each other again and were dating long distance for almost a year, planning on a move to New York. In a weird series of events, including my quitting my job and travelling in Guatemala for two weeks with her, I found myself in East Village bar on Thanksgiving Day getting dumped only five days after my arrival in New York. I had given up a job, a life, friends, a really incredible and affordable apartment on the North Side of Chicago, only to get dumped five days after I got to New York...on THANKSGIVING! After spending the whole day with her arrogant actor father gnoshing dry, overcooked turkey! All I learned , I think, is that this was miserable.

Luckily, things are better now, I'm in a happy relationship, I have a better job, and a relatively nice and affordable apartment in Brooklyn.

Feb. 14 2008 12:39 PM
Kathryn

"Fort-eh" is actually the correct pronunciation in Italian; "Fort" in French...

Feb. 14 2008 12:38 PM
Deb from Brooklyn

the best song to listen to after being dumped is Don Henley's "the heart of the matter" over and over.

Feb. 14 2008 12:37 PM
Jennifer Hickey from Queens, New York

I was dumped by this guy in college on the night Clinton beat George I and ended over a decade of Republican rule. We had been out watching the results with other friends and we were both so excited. Rather than giving me a kiss goodnight at the door, he broke up with me. I mean, he couldn't wait until the next day?

Feb. 14 2008 12:18 PM
Sarah from Brooklyn

I learn more about myself in those painfully down times than at any other moments in life. Being dumped (or the end of relationships in general) can be your greatest teachers if you let them.

Although having this awareness doesn't make getting the axe hurt any less. Though humor does come through in retrospect. Who hasn't looked back at atleast one relationship in thier life and thought, "Did I loss my mind during that time? Thank God that's over."

Feb. 14 2008 12:12 PM
J.P. from canada

Don't get intimate too quickly. If someone is really interested, they will give it a few weeks anyway! And if they don't, you'll be relieved you didn't go there...

Feb. 14 2008 12:03 PM
Matt from financial district

I was the one with the itchy trigger finger in all of my early relationships. When I was finally dumped at age 22, the once-overlooked lyrics to hundreds of songs suddenly became very clear to me.

Feb. 13 2008 04:05 PM
chestine from NY

as a gullible young dumpee lo those many years ago, I learned "the hard way" to only pay attention to what a person does, not what he says, or what I want him to do or say.

Feb. 13 2008 01:33 PM
Paul from West Village

What I've learned from being dumped...

It's you, not them.

Feb. 12 2008 01:00 PM
Melissa from New York

What I've learned from being dumped...

When men say they're not looking for a relationship---Believe them!

Feb. 11 2008 01:47 PM

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