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Ask Dear Prudence's Emily Yoffe: The Personal and Professional Divide

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Emily Yoffe, Dear Prudence columnist for Slate, takes listener questions for the last time on the show this summer on thorny ethical issues and offers her advice.

This week, she'll take questions on issues that come up when your personal life and your professional life collide. 

  • Need advice?  Post your question in the comments below.
  • Have advice for your fellow listeners? Post it below!

Guests:

Emily Yoffe

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Comments [14]

JG from LES

I agree with Lillian I think it is time for male heterosexual liberation. Maybe I am a sex maniac maybe I am not. I do respect everyone and consider myself to be a decent human being who tries to respect the dignity of everyone . I have sexted and sent photos liek Weiner has and it has been solicited by intelligent and decent women ... Let's get rid of all of this conventional tyranny that has NOTHING to do with being a decent human being HUMAN...... THAT is what is causing all the lies and BS that we see in the Press.

Jul. 25 2013 11:07 AM
David Tussey from New York

Very upsetting to hear you advocate passing along rumors and gossip regarding someone's sexual behavior to future employers, etc. That seems just wrong. If there is evidence of sexual misconduct, report it to the police and authorities. Believe it or not, there are people who make false claims of "inappropriate sexual conduct" that are not true. I knew a boy who did so against the high school football coach because he was cut from the team. Sexual assault and harassment is abhorrent, but that doesn't justify promulgating suspected or rumored behavior to others. Imagine if I wanted to ruin your career and reported fabricated charges to your bosses at Slate. These are the kinds of charges that are difficult to cleanse once spoken, so I strongly disagree with your advice.

Jul. 25 2013 11:05 AM
Jim

@Nick

I agree. She wants to be in a relationship with a powerful man. Just like Hillary. Better to rule in hell...

Jul. 25 2013 11:04 AM
ivan obregon

Very conventional, conformist, prudish, narrow, even traditional and predictable advice and opinion that assumes everyone must be as, yes, "bourgeois" as her world of what's relevant and acceptable allows....a neoliberal housewife on upper-middle class society lifestyle and thinking that's more of an updated "Dear Abbey" for what's right for the NY Times marriage page and.....lunch.

Jul. 25 2013 11:03 AM
Lillian from Manhattan

I give the bird to all your "morals" ... of course Weiner should be forthcoming. How do we know if she did not know ... not all couples hide their open sexuality from each other .. I think the problem is the public with it's hypocritical attitudes towards sexuality. The women that engaged in this with Weiner and then exposed him and them selves (as if this has any thing to do with public governance) We are tolerant of LGBT sexuality, wherein a group identifies itself essentially by what type of sex acts they engage in ( I am all for that ) and (NO! this is not about who you love.... I am a straight male and I LOVE my male relatives and friends but I do not engage in sex acts with them) we accept the B and T in LGBT groups but do not accept the varied sexuality of hetero (especially males) people? What a joke!. Weiner stop apologizing for being sexual. Declare and liberate your self , be straight and tell us what you HONESTLY have to offer .. They can't use this against you if you are honest like the LBGT community is about what kind of sex acts you engage in and as Dan Savage says... NO gays are not paragons of monogamy and that promiscuity does not keep them from being decent human beings

Jul. 25 2013 11:01 AM
thatgirl from manhattan

We really don't need yet more armchair quarterbacking about Weiner on WNYC. Get back to giving advice--not your POV on a ship that's long sailed!

Jul. 25 2013 10:56 AM
Nick from UWS

You people have no clue what Huma's psychology is. Her interest in the prestige and power in possibly being married to the mayor of NY might far outweigh her discomfort with Wiener's sexting. Never underestimate self-interest.

Jul. 25 2013 10:55 AM
Peg

To "Weiner" - to engage in virtual sex. A Weinerict - a person addicted to virtual sex. So Weiner has a psychological "problem." So does Bloomberg, who is a money hoarder. If Bloomberg hoarded food or newspapers, we'd say he was sick and needed "help." But since he hoards money - we think he's smart and successful.

Let Weiner have his addiction. Who does it hurt? Let the voters decide and stop asking him to pull out of the primary.

Jul. 25 2013 10:53 AM
2/Friends too rich

(Most of these friends are also business associates in some way. As w many wealthy, professional and personal are quite blurred.)

Jul. 25 2013 10:52 AM
Ruth from Brooklyn NY

It's not so much of what he was doing in private that bothers me. It's that he said to the public that that behavior was behind him, when it wasn't. So essentially he lied to everyone because he continued it behind closed doors. His marital problems are his business, but you don't apologize and say you're done with it, and then go on doing it.

Jul. 25 2013 10:51 AM
Friends too rich?

Very wealthy friends, based on east coast & europe, recently married in Vegas with some not so wealthy friends in attendance. As a Big Pharma executive, the spouse has been so rich for so long he does not understand how some people are not wealthy. Each night the group attended top restaurants, where the groom ordered endless bottles of expensive wines -- but had the bill divided equally for each guest to pay, regardless of their order.

Lovely and fun couple in many ways -- but how to send the message to a high powered couple that we can't afford to hang out unless he either chips in or switches to beer? Some suspect he is doing this to weed out the bride's hanger-on friends.

Jul. 25 2013 10:51 AM
Courtney from Manhattan

I will be getting married in October, and we plan on having a small wedding with close family and friends. I generally do not socialize with coworkers and did not plan on inviting them. But one thinks we are better friends than we really are, and even indicated he would be upset if not invited to the wedding. Although in the same breath indicated he would not likely be able to attend since the wedding is out of state. I gave in and sent him an invitation to avoid the uncomfortableness that would otherwise result, but am regretting it now because he is telling me he is thinking about coming. And not only that, he would potentially like me to find a friend there to help him with something while they are in town. I do not wish to impose on friends any further than I already have in preparation for this wedding, and I would really prefer that the coworker not come. I only invited him because it was supposed to be a confirmed no on the rsvp. Any way to get out of it?

Jul. 25 2013 10:50 AM
Nick from UWS

Wiener made a very interesting Freudian slip during his statement the other day where he referred to his wife as "him". Some strange psychology going on there.

Jul. 25 2013 10:47 AM
Tom Crisp from UWS

Anyone who supports Anthony Weiner to run our city is deluded, and that includes his wife. The idea that his actions are only an issue for him and his wife is ridiculous. His behavior is pathological - some kind of deep need for validation, whether from voters, the press, or anonymous viewers of photos. (Hello, Geraldo.) The implication that the couple's personal journey should have anything to do with his fitness for this demanding and hugely visible office is insulting. Unlike some other straying pols, he did not, as far as we know, have an affair with any of the women, or frequent sex workers, but he's shown deeply flawed judgment as well as willingness to lie to one and all. He may yet recover from his illness, people do, with work and time. But this repeat offender with his juvenile behavior should be focusing on his illness, not asking to be trusted with running one of the most challenging city governments in the world.

I would trust HER judgment better if she understood this. I think she might have told her husband, "We stay married as long as you put our marriage ahead of your need for approval. You get to work on it, focus on your family and your son and your mental health and forget any notion of becoming mayor." What we perhaps learn when a spouse "approves" the other's ambition above all else is that the ambition itself is part of the attraction and the relationship. As for their son, his own mental health could likely better be insured by staying our of the public eye for a few years at least - if not permanently.

Jul. 25 2013 10:23 AM

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