How You Know You're A Grown A$$ Woman

Monday, May 13, 2013

Grown A$$ Woman

Lindy West, Jezebel staff writer and author of How to Be a Person, talks about the Greene Space event How to Be a Grown A$$ Woman tonight--and takes your calls on how you know you're grown.

A Grown Woman Manifesto

The starting points for tonight's event.

  • Know your checking account balance 
  • Stop apologizing
  • Wash your bras
  • Take care of your things
  • Own your achievements 
  • "Do You"

What else would you add to the list? Comment here or call 212-433-9692 at 11:40am


Lindy West

Comments [27]


Children are forced to take naps; grown ups want to take naps but usually don't have the time.

May. 13 2013 01:45 PM
Christine from NYC

+ I know how much is in my checking, savings, CDs, my IRAs and my stocks.

+ I gave up apologizing about 2 years ago. If people don't appreciate me, I have no use for them.

+ I do my laundry on a fairly regularly basis so that addresses the mystifying "bra-washing" bullet.

+ I've survived job loss, the death of a sibling, and the breakup of a man who was a sociopath all of which occurred within a 9-month period.

+ I do not rely on any man (or woman for that matter) for rent and finances nor for validation of my beliefs and choices in life.

+ I volunteer on a regular basis and give back to my community.

+ Finally, I am not entrapped by the notion that women must marry or reproduce in order to feel like a "real" woman.

May. 13 2013 01:22 PM
clive betters

a lot of people are detached from instinct and intuition. the "trusting the little voice inside", sounds good;but,it's not a spigot that any and everyone can automatically turn on.

May. 13 2013 01:04 PM
bupkus from BK

When I no longer needed to refer to pieces like this to see what I "know."

May. 13 2013 01:03 PM
clive betters

excuse me,but many urbanized latinas are not too big on apologizing[even when they should]. did our lady here grow up in NYC..? i just hate idiotic generalizations,especially when they're dead wrong.. this whole notion of women beng "delicate and demure",and not beng able to;or wanting to speak up fo themselves, is so beyond full of it!

May. 13 2013 12:40 PM
art525 from Park Slope

@grownup- I like my humor to be funny. I like cleverness to be clever. GrownA$$ is just strained and dumb, cheap and easy. I guess I'm just more demanding when it comes to clever.

May. 13 2013 12:16 PM
art525 from Park Slope

@grownup- I like my humor to be funny. I like cleverness to be clever. GrownA$$ is just strained and dumb, cheap and easy. I guess I'm just more demanding when it comes to clever.

May. 13 2013 12:15 PM
Jackie from Brooklyn

This is a great question! As a grown woman, I have learned how to spend time alone, enjoy time by myself, and not succumb to the shame of alone-ness that plagued me as a young woman in the city. That means that i have no problem going to a restaurant and saying, "table for 1" or sitting at a bar, ordering a drink and enjoying the buzz of others around me instead of feeling left out of something. I love going solo to movies, and i've even gone alone to shows that i've been dying to see if I can't find a friend to join me. And I don't have that panic to find something, anything to do on a Friday night. I'm just as content to stay at home and open a bottle of wine and watch a great movie or read a novel. I've had to practice being alone b/c at first the feeling of shame was very real, but now i don't even really register when i'm alone and when i'm with others. It's all just life.

May. 13 2013 12:12 PM
Jim from Brooklyn

Why is it that womens' behavior is so often held up to mens' default behavior as lacking? I say this in regard to the piece regarding a woman's tendancy to apologize more often than a man -- is being overly considerate a fault? Is being aggressively self-serving an asset? I think we need to stop seeing the male default as some kind of a gold standard, a trap apparently even liberated feminists and educated radio hosts fall into from time to time...

May. 13 2013 12:08 PM
Sheldon from Brooklyn

@Art, we can agree to disagree about how "juvenile" grown a___ is. If it not in one's nature to use that term or any other, then it should not be used - to look/sound "cool" or otherwise.

As a working class man, that was raised to be excessively polite, it was empowering to me. And I am glad you picked up on the ridiculously judgmental nature of my "organic lentils" comment - that was the point.

May. 13 2013 12:07 PM
ed from nyc

Same day, different story on evil men. Cheekily celebrate women while reporting on badness of men.

Brian and wnyc and its audience never fail to disappoint.

May. 13 2013 12:04 PM


another kind of person might be a rigid person or a humorless person... get over yourself!

May. 13 2013 12:04 PM
Eileen McIntyre from Morganville, New Jersey

I think I started to be a grown-up woman when I realized a beloved aunt who I had basically neglected for a long period of time, being an early-twenty-something absorbed in my own life, had been through a very tough time. I was shocked at myself to realize how I'd hurt her by being 'absent'. From then on, until the end of her long life, I stayed close and involved - with her, and with others of her generation, whom I'd been taking for granted.

May. 13 2013 12:00 PM

I knew I needed to be a grown up when I was 28 and faced a classroom of 13 year olds and they thought I was in charge, whether I felt like it or not.

May. 13 2013 12:00 PM
art525 from Park Slope

Sorry Sheldon, I don't see it as a "class constraint" or a quest for "refined discourse". I see using the term "grown A$$" woman as juvenile, contrived, forced and trying desperately hard to be cool. I find the use of the term "grown A$$" to be jive A$$. It is uncool people trying very hard to be cool and it's not working. Furthermore Sheldon, I think your comment about organic lentils shows that you are labeling someone without any knowledge of them, thier interests and their social class and that itself seems to be very judgemental in the same spirit as your condemnation of "class constraints".

May. 13 2013 11:57 AM

Shouldn't a grown woman not be reading tabloid gossip (Jezebel)?

May. 13 2013 11:57 AM
akasp from Brooklyn

I saw myself as a grown up woman when I told my new boyfriend exactly what I want and need out of a relationship without fear that he was going to leave me...

May. 13 2013 11:57 AM
Ry Pepper from Manhattan

I knew I was grown up when I finally stopped caring about how other people judged me. Also when I had to start buying my own toilet paper...

May. 13 2013 11:57 AM
Alyson from Brooklyn

It was clear to me when I realized that I can now unapologetically pursue kids and marriage not only my career. I am 29.

May. 13 2013 11:56 AM
Theresa from New York

When I stopped pretending to be someone else and decided to let the world see me as I like to see me.

May. 13 2013 11:54 AM
Betty from Brooklyn

I prepare for things weeks in advance and remember people's birthdays. I start thinking about Christmas shopping in August!

May. 13 2013 11:53 AM

Listening to this is finally guilting me into making a dentist appointment, even though it's the thing I probably hate the most in the world.

May. 13 2013 11:52 AM
MichaelB from Morningside Heights

What? Yet another "women as a special case?" segment?

How is this different than for men (except for the bra-washing?)

Maybe men should apologize more rather than women apologizing less? Maybe being ABLE to apologize is an indicator of being mature and adult?

May. 13 2013 11:51 AM
Sheldon from Brooklyn

@hilts, if you can look past your organic lentils and canvas tote bag....

Please note: As brash as "grown a___" sounds to some, it is part of our parlance, it can be somewhat empowering actually. I'm sorry that you cannot appreciate certain expressions - due to your class constraints or quest for "refined discourse" but please do not project that restriction on a publicly funded radio station.

May. 13 2013 11:37 AM
carolita from NYC

I knew I was a grown woman when my boyfriend dumped me and said he was moving upstate, and through my heartache I asked him what he was doing with his great big apartment with the low rent (and right next to the subway), and demanded he let me sublet it, which I did for a few years, and then I even got us a very nice buy-out of the lease when the building got new owners who started pressuring residents to leave. Hey, this is New York. You need to grow up fast.

May. 13 2013 11:07 AM
John A

How to be a grown woman (or man): Don't attach the word Ass to your name - until and unless you want to be fired.

May. 13 2013 10:23 AM

"Grown A" is a tasteless and offensive term that has no place on the WNYC website. Ms. West would do well to find a more mature and less juvenile way of expressing herself.

May. 13 2013 10:07 AM

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