Streams

A Single Twin

Friday, March 01, 2013

Christa Parravani, photographer and the author of Her: A Memoir, tells the story of her identical twin's death and her struggle to go on without her.

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Christa Parravani
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Comments [15]

Tana Leigh Gabriel from Sacramento

We are wonderfully and powerfully made. Fully known before we were woven together in our mothers' wombs, the intricacy, complexity, dynamics and process of each human life far beyond our ability to accurately analyze or define. Unable to replicate the miracle that each of us is, it is of more value to observe, listen to, accept and ponder the vast cascade of facets of those whose paths we cross.

Jun. 07 2013 01:36 PM
Mary

I am an identical twin, and my twin sister passed away three months ago at 47. We were best friends. My mother has many stories about how one would cry when the other wasn't feeling well or had fallen down. We would scoot our cribs across the floor over to the other's crib and hop into the other crib to sleep together. I feel I lost half of me when she passed away. Life is so very different now. Those who are identical twins know that being alone is something we don't quite understand as we've not experienced really being alone. Like Christa and Cara, my sister and I were one minute apart. We looked so much alike and we went to college together. We corted together and were married one year apart. Our voices were the same, and I too when I laugh, I hear my sister. There is an incredible bond with twins. As someone said, "Twins are born with intimacy. They must learn independence. Others are both with independence and must learn intimacy."

Mar. 03 2013 02:52 PM
pooloniousmonk

There is zero evidence for an extrasensory link between anyone, including twins. There is no such thing as telepathy. Period. The poor woman on the program who lost her sister did not experience any precognition of her sister's death. As she herself acknowledged, she always felt that an incoming call would carry word of her sister's death. Thus, very sadly, it was inevitable that her foreboding about one of these calls would turn out to be tragically correct.

Mar. 01 2013 05:05 PM
Michael Graddy from Christmas Valley, Oregon

I am an indentical twinless twin, I lost my brother Mark to a stupid car accident. I do not draw a single breath without thinking of him, still. Its been hard and will always be... I couldn't have made it if I didn't find the TwinlessTwin site on the web, and found out what I was feeling was "normal" for a grieving twin...

Mar. 01 2013 04:13 PM
Jeremy Sipe from New York

Me and my twin are FAR from identical. People refuse to believe that we are twins and even think my brother is adopted. His blue eyes contrast deeply with my hazel eyes, his light blond hair contrasts with my brown hair. I am also 7 full inches taller than him, leading people to point out an ill-present age gap. Yet, we are so deeply connected. I tell him everything, he tells me everything, and we don't pass anything along to anyone else. We always go to each other for advice and share an abundance of secrets. Being a twin is not determined by birth or genetics, it is determined by the strength of the connection between them.

Mar. 01 2013 03:44 PM
tag from New Jersey

I am a fraternal twin. You do experience a deep bond, but at the same time there are many differences in personality. You are forced to be together so much that one twin may dominate the other and force a change in personality. I felt free for the first time when we both went to different colleges and I was able to be myself more. It took a tragic turn when she had a breakdown and I was unable to help her. I still feel great guilt that I had to leave her behind because of the weight of the situation. Being a twin is a great burden and can destroy your life. She may not have died, but she still haunts my life everyday.

Mar. 01 2013 01:31 PM
Jennifer from NYC

While not a twin, I find all twin related subjects and topics fascinating. Part of what initiated this fascination is Wally Lamb's book "I Know This Much Is True." The book traces the very same themes discussed during the program, and it's one of the best I've ever read.

Mar. 01 2013 12:00 PM
Mary Ann Smith from NYC

I'm not a twin. I would like to recommend Her Fearful Symmetry a novel by Audrey Niffenegger as a an interesting insight into twins. Her writing brings you so close to the characters.

Mar. 01 2013 12:00 PM
Monica Ianculovici from NYC Queens

I don''t have an identical twin sibling but I have a brother whom I am one year and half apart. I fee like he is my twin and we grew up experiencing friends, ideas, art, writing together. I have even had intuitive moments of worry about him and truly feel a psychic link.

Mar. 01 2013 11:58 AM
Robert from NYC

That is so touching, I'm crying for the loss of her twin sister at 81. I can never know what she feels but I know I feel so sad for her and hope she gets through this.

Mar. 01 2013 11:55 AM
Sara from Princeton

I am the mother of identical twin boys. I'm always struck by the level of physical closeness between them - as infants, they slept best curled up in the same bassinet. Even now, as four-year-olds, it's not uncommon for me to see them playing while leaning on one another, holding hands while heading into an unfamiliar situation. They don't have that same physical relationship with their other siblings!

Mar. 01 2013 11:53 AM
Yvonne from New York

I'm an identical twin, not a very good one, boring questions, do I feel her pain, etc.
http://www.yvonneandyvettetiquette.com/2008/09/twins-rules-ours-anyway.html

Mar. 01 2013 11:53 AM
John from Brooklyn

My twin and I really formed each other's personalities during our childhood, even protected and helped each other out while both growing up gay in a not so friendly household. In terms of individuation, I found that I had to develop my own identity when my twin left the country for the good portion of a year. At the time it felt like I was sent out on an ice float, and i guess I went into what I would call "survival mode." And yet I find that this sort of flying solo might be necessary in finding our own lots in life.

Mar. 01 2013 11:51 AM
Pascale Vaillancourt from Hackensack

I have an identical twin myself and I dread to 'feel' it if my sister was to pass away...

Mar. 01 2013 11:51 AM
Marylou DiFilippo from manhattan

My son was a twin in the womb, and that twin was lost before birth. Still always wonder if this has had any effect on him.

Mar. 01 2013 11:47 AM

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