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Gay Dads

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

Abbie Goldberg, associate professor of psychology at Clark University, senior research fellow at the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, regular blogger for Psychology Today and the author of Gay Dads: Transitions to Adoptive Fatherhood, looks at the specific issues faced by gay couples when adopting children.

Guests:

Abbie Goldberg

Comments [20]

Ed from Larchmont

To Peg - it sounds like you've gotten your conscience get over a number of things. I invite you back to the Church!

Aug. 09 2012 06:05 AM
Ed from Larchmont

The sociological research has been recent since the issue of same sex parents is a recent one, it was started in the 1990s. The research indicates (from what I read) that a child does better with one mother and one father, if that is possible. Not two parents of the same sex, and not more than two parents.

So, society needs to promote the traditional nuclear family for the good of children.

Aug. 08 2012 01:31 PM
john from office

To all my foils, I got quoted on the air!!!!

Aug. 08 2012 11:00 AM
John A

How about someone publishing the 'masculinist' book "Are Women Necessary?"

Aug. 08 2012 10:57 AM
Rich P from Long Island

In 20 years, this issue will seem as banal as the topic of "left handed parents".

Aug. 08 2012 10:57 AM
jgarbuz from Queens

To Becky

"Parenting ability" is a tool invented by "progressives" to destroy patriarchy. The creation of "social workers" and "family courts" and that whole apparatus - not coincidentally - came about just when women got the vote during WWI.

Nobody questions the "parenting ability" of biological mothers, unless they are totally murderous, drug-addicted fiends. The whole structure was created by the politicians to get the women's vote, and give them essentially increasing power to detach children from biological fathers on any whim.

Aug. 08 2012 10:56 AM
Larry from Brooklyn

I am a gay man in my 40's in a couple and have never considered having a child. I am very happy to be child free as are my other gay male (coupled) friends. This is not inevitable and I am suddenly relating to my straight child free friends who are tired of people assuming they will have children.

Aug. 08 2012 10:53 AM
Elle from Brooklyn

Every child deserves a loving family. Gay? Straight? Who cares?

Aug. 08 2012 10:52 AM
Linda from Jersey Shore

the caller Paul who's brother and brother in law have been together 40 years and have a 25 year old adopted daughter named Hope, I think I know who they are. They were on Rosie's gay cruise that was filmed quite a while ago. They were wonderful parents and Hope was getting ready to leave for college and they were so emotional! I loved that film. Glad to know they are still out there ~ together.

Aug. 08 2012 10:52 AM
Janet from Brooklyn, NY

One of the 8 year old students I teach in Brooklyn is one of 2 adopted daughters of gay dads. One of the most moving moments of her discussing her family was when she told me the story of "when 'we' got my sister." Expanding their family was something she felt she had participated in fully, even as a young girl. She can express in ways that so many can't the idea that her family is intentional and built on conscientiously choosing to love and care for one another. This doesn't mean that there are never challenges, even in a liberal bastion like Park Slope. One day my student was going to a birthday party where the kids were going to have a "mother/daughter" dance. She said she couldn't participate because she didn't know her mother, even though her Papa wanted to dance with her. What a difference it could have made if her friend's family had just said, "parent/child" dance!

Aug. 08 2012 10:51 AM
MichaelB from Morningside Heights

It's not only about parenting skills, nor necessarily any comment on the adults involved, but we DO recognize the importance of gender role models for children in families, so how do we reconcile that?

And remember, much of what is important in gender roles is how the adult model relates to the opposite sex.

Aug. 08 2012 10:50 AM
john from office

I support Gay adoption, but this issue has an elitest, upper middle class ting. Lots of options available if you have the money.

Aug. 08 2012 10:50 AM
Elle from Brooklyn

Funny how so many of these experiences are just the same as those of heterosexual couples: career becomes less important, you become closer to other parents, your family becomes more involved in your life. What does that tell you? It tells me that the parent-child relationship is pretty universal, and sexual orientation is pretty irrelevant to it.

Aug. 08 2012 10:48 AM
MichaelB from Morningside Heights

I have heard vaguely about studies done either in Denmark or Holland about studies of gay parenting, particularly male couples. Again, I didn't hear too much in he way of details, but what I DID hear was that the results were not to be dismissed out of hand or lightly. There were negative aspects, but I'm not certain that I heard correctly.

I believe gay families have been around much longer in those countries than in the US and so the data was "deeper."

Is Prof Goldberg aware of any such studies from Europe?

Aug. 08 2012 10:47 AM
foodaggro from Brooklyn

My good friend who moved out to the West Coast some years ago married his partner a few years ago, and they now have two beautiful daughters. Each little girl was conceived by each dad and the same surrogate mom. They are a very happy family!

Aug. 08 2012 10:45 AM
The Truth from Becky

Parenting ability is not reallly the focus here, is it?

Aug. 08 2012 10:43 AM
jgarbuz from Queens

To me the concept of "gay dad" is absurd, as indeed any "dad" who is not the biological father of the child, unless the gay "father" contributed his seed in producing said child. Every stepfather is an "uncle," not a dad no matter how wonderful he is. To me the concept of father is purely biological. A man can raise someone else's child, as indeed I did for a while, and love him or her a lot, but still not be "dad." I partially raised someone else's child, and some else raised mine, and in my eyes it is wrong. It is a matriarchal perversion in my eyes. Call me old fashioned or even bigoted, I don't care.

Aug. 08 2012 10:35 AM
Thomas Pinch

"home life is so drastically different from everyone around you"

This is less and less so everyday. And soon enough, kids coming along will not see any difference. So, this guy's experience is ancient history and not valid in the future.

Aug. 08 2012 10:29 AM
Peg

Ed - I remember growing up in an Irish Catholic family with 8 children. Our parents were very strict and would not let us play at friends homes - all visits HAD to be at our house. Yes, indeed, I felt "Very Strange" when I was growing up - so did my siblings. Of all 8 kids, none of us are Catholics today and none of us would dream of having such a HUGE family.

So, seems like just about any child can find how his/her family is strange. Most of us get over it.

Aug. 08 2012 09:45 AM
Ed from Larchmont

Robert Oscar Lopez, an English professor at the University of California at Northridge, discusses his experience of growing up as a child of his mother and her lesbian partner.

“To most outside observers, I was a well-raised, high-achieving child, finishing high school with straight A’s,” he recounts. “Inside, however, I was confused. When your home life is so drastically different from everyone around you, in a fundamental way striking at basic physical relations, you grow up weird. I have no mental health disorders or biological conditions. I just grew up in a house so unusual that I was destined to exist as a social outcast.”

“Whether homosexuality is chosen or inbred, whether gay marriage gets legalized or not, being strange is hard; it takes a mental toll, makes it harder to find friends, interferes with professional growth, and sometimes leads one down a sodden path to self-medication in the form of alcoholism, drugs, gambling, antisocial behavior, and irresponsible sex,” he adds. “The children of same-sex couples have a tough road ahead of them--I know, because I have been there.”

Aug. 08 2012 05:54 AM

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