Streams

Broadband Love: Making the Connection

Monday, July 02, 2012

holding hands (B Tal on Flickr/flickr)

Charles J. Orlando is our guest for the month of June. He is a relationship expert, YourTango partner, and author of The Problem with Women…Is Men. We continue our series on online dating with a look at how to write the best profile, and what to look for when you make the in-person connection.

Guests:

Charles J. Orlando

Comments [12]

Kat from UK

I"ve just started listening to this and I find this speaker quite irksome. He seems to keep using female examples of negative behaviour online.

Despite the comment prior, for every woman that alludes that they want to have a relationship very quickly, right away (albeit I'm a woman and usually the one to play down the romance element on the first 'meeting' myself, preferring to keep it relatively neutral, yeah, I know, killjoy) there's a guy that has very superficial qualities on his profile that he's looking for and pretty much allude to just wanting sex right away and pushing it that way very quickly.

This guy maybe an 'expert' in relationships but it seems very skewed to the male perspective to me.

Aug. 10 2012 03:08 PM
pamila from Las Vegas

Yes I too agree with Sophie that people need to be more open minded about online dating. Personally it works for me. I do not like bars or casinos etc..

Pamila Paynes
Las vegas
http://getaboytolikeyou.com

Jul. 03 2012 03:11 PM
Inquisigal from Brooklyn

I totally agree with you Sophie, and think more people should have a much more open-minded approach to Internet dating. Unfortunately, I generally think the way Internet dating works often seems to thwart that possibility because it breaks human beings down into searchable components that the dating sites' software utilizes to make matches, or that individuals will use to find potential dates. Maybe this works when people are younger and don't yet have as much life experience/baggage, but I think this does older people 35+ a great disservice - because as Amy pointed out - sometimes one's age will cut that person out from people's searches. Or someone's body type. Or the fact that someone has kids. Or someone is into cats, but the searcher is a "dog person." Or the fact that person A wants a person who has the exact same taste in books or music, and would discount a person who liked something that she/he did not. All of these categorizations can prevent people from meeting others whom they would find to be interesting and enticing, if they would only go out of their narrowly-defined "ideal" zones. People are so much more interesting in person when you can get past these sort of superficial ways of categorizing people.

That said, there is a hilarious Louis CK episode about Louie meeting a woman who was really anxious about revealing that she had a kid, and was so relieved that Louie accepted it, yet she completely turned on him when he revealed he had not one but TWO kids.

Jul. 02 2012 12:38 PM
Henry from Manhattan

Meh. I’m not a fan of dating sites. If I were single I wouldn’t bother.

Get out into the real world. Do things that interest you. Meet people. Make friends.

Keep in mind that some activities are more gender specific, so don’t expect to meet many women at the scale model trains meet up group. Maybe consider dance classes if you are a guy have any desire to learn to dance. Don’t go to places with the soul intention of hooking up. Do things to have fun, or improve your person, and most importantly to enjoy yourself.

Even if you don’t meet someone, your life will already be more interesting than screwing around with Internet match up.

If and when you do meet someone, it will be a far more interesting and organic process than “we meet online.”

Jul. 02 2012 12:11 PM
MichaelB from Morningside Heights

No Fido, I am inclined to agree -- and I have always LOVED dogs (but always remembered that they were animals, not stand-in humans), but I'd say a good 60-75% of all women on the sites not only have dogs, but they dote on them in their profile!

And if you don't want to accommodate your entire lives around the beasts, they consider you animal haters!

Jul. 02 2012 12:02 PM
The Truth from Becky

...the title should say "and vice versa"!

Jul. 02 2012 11:59 AM
Sophie from Poughkeepsie, NY

How about this: have no expectations or demands, you'll meet plenty of people that way.

Jul. 02 2012 11:58 AM
Amy Sara Clark from Brooklyn

I'm happily married, but just curious: what do you think of a 41-year-old woman who lists her age as 39 just to make the search results for the many men who search 25-39, if she then clarifies in the text of the profile?

Jul. 02 2012 11:57 AM
MichaelB from Morningside Heights

We are so accustomed to the dynamic between men & women, that we forget how the entire thing works. Men have to "attract" women, lure them in somehow. Not unlike fishing. And like fly-fishing, the slightest mistake, the slightest imperfection and the prey rushes off!

Jul. 02 2012 11:57 AM
No Fido

[[MichaelB from Morningside Heights
What about (NYC) women and their dogs? They seem not to have any emotional room beyond that (they practically hide behind their pets.)]]

I've browsed dating sites and when I see photos of women's dogs and cats I head for the hills.

Ladies, NEVER put pictures of your pets in your profile. Guys see a dog or cat and think "obligation" and "burden."

Jul. 02 2012 11:56 AM
MichaelB from Morningside Heights

What about (NYC) women and their dogs? They seem not to have any emotional room beyond that (they practically hide behind their pets.)

(Not to mention, that they expect that men would be perfectly happy to sleep in a bed with a dog! But heaven forbid that a man have the slightest imperfection!)

Jul. 02 2012 11:53 AM
A listener

A buddy of mine has had excellent success with online dating.

He's 40-ish, fit and makes a very comfortable living.

But that's not what attracts the ladies.

He posted a very clever introductory statement that made it clear he was looking to hook up. Dinner? Sure. Movies? Why not. But there was no deception that he shared women's desire for long walks on the beach or snuggling for hours on a Sunday morning.

I saw him one afternoon and he'd just shipped off one date and was debating whether to go on a first date with another woman later that same day.

Jul. 02 2012 11:53 AM

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