Broadband Love: Your Do's, Don’t's and Lessons

Thursday, June 07, 2012

We kick off our month-long series on Internet dating with a call-in -- how is online dating different from traditional dating? What lessons have you learned and what advice would you share? Give us a call 212-433-9692 or post here.

Comments [16]

Barb from Manhattan

Charles - have you noticed that has a very extensive dating site called International that features members in many countries? If so, do you know the proportion of American woman versus American men who use that portion of their site to meet foreigners?

Jun. 14 2012 11:58 AM
Julia from Brooklyn

I met my husband online, which is obviously wonderful but also had generally a good time dating on the internet. My favorite tip (for NYers) is to use online dating as an excuse to take advantage of New York in a way you never seem to have time to. Go to art shows you're interested in, movies you want to see, concerts, lectures, take walks on the Highline, go to Brooklyn Bridge Park - stuff that will be fun and make you feel enriched regardless of whether your date works out.

Also, practice cultivating equilibrium. They don't look like their picture - so now you know. They disappear? Easy come, easy go. Don't let yourself get devastated by what is a risky venture to begin with. Even if things don't work out, equilibrium is a good to practice, especially in this city. It will help, if nothing else, with your commute.

Jun. 07 2012 12:37 PM

I disagree with some of the previous callers about skipping the emailing and just getting together immediately. My best dates online were always with those who wrote well and two of those turned into long-term relationships. I met my live-in boyfriend of 9 years on yahoo personals. We emailed back and forth for at least 2 weeks before our first date. I could tell from his wonderful writing style and perfect use of grammar that we were a match, and we had a serious flirtation going on in text. By the time we did meet, we were both filled with anticipation and super-attracted to each other. It continues to this day.

Jun. 07 2012 11:59 AM
MichaelB from Morningside Heights

That's great James! Very funny!

Jun. 07 2012 11:59 AM
James from Nyack

My favorite cartoon about online dating was in the New Yorker. It was of a slightly apprehensive young women sipping coffee with the hunch back of Notre Dame, and she says" so your profile says you like bells?"


Jun. 07 2012 11:57 AM
MichaelB from Morningside Heights

The current female caller's story about not giving her husband a chance is SOOOOO typical of so many women... I like to say that dealing with women on these sites is like trout fishing... the slightest thing scares them away.

Women should read Lori Gottlieb's "Marry Him" -- she explains her own wrong-headed approach to dating -- how she would eliminate men for the silliest reasons....

Jun. 07 2012 11:56 AM

Advice for women - Be short and precise when constructing your profile. We don't need to hear your life's story.

Advice for men - Talk more about yourselves. While women run on, men barely type anything in their profile.

Advice for both - Please fill out as much of your profile as possible. If you don't, you can potentially waste people's time.

Jun. 07 2012 11:55 AM
Truth & Beauty from Brooklyn

1. Don't trust pictures. Anyone can send any picture they want.

2. Do meet in a public place.

3. Do ask for picture ID when you meet. You might find out you've been deceived.

4. Do carefully decide what information you reveal on line. There are lots of phishers and scam artists out there looking to get your personal information for identity theft purposes.

5. Do take note of how people write. Check grammar, spelling, obscenity use, what they say about other people. There are lots of bots out there and you need to be attentive so you can screen for live people.

Jun. 07 2012 11:55 AM

Seriously people, put up accurate, recent pictures. If you're going to meet in person, they'll only end up disappointed and irritated to find out that you were being less than forthcoming.

Jun. 07 2012 11:55 AM
Patrick McNulty from Windsor Terrace

Don't schedule a long date for the first date. Just coffee. You know very quickly if you are interested in spending more time with this person but you don't want to get stuck there unnecessarily.

Jun. 07 2012 11:54 AM

Haha - I could've told that prior caller's story in 1/1000th of the time he took.

Jun. 07 2012 11:53 AM
Larry from Brooklyn

I agree! In my experience, meeting early is best... otherwise, expectations get too high. Coffee, walk in park, etc. is best. Not a meal in case the physical chemistry is not good. I had success!

Jun. 07 2012 11:52 AM
JFreely from NYC

My main advice -- don't write things you like on your profile that everyone likes, the cliche of "walks on the beach" is alive and well, avoid it! Show your unique personality and humor, et.

Jun. 07 2012 11:48 AM

For your first real live meeting don’t waste time with dinner,
Just agree to meet for drinks after work or coffee. You’ll know in five minutes if you want to spend time with this person.
I’ve never been trapped at dinner with someone I knew I didn’t like on any level.

also don’t fall in love with the virtual person. you should meet the online person as soon as possible. 1. Your imagination will always make the person greater than they are in real life. 2. There might be a reason someone is avoiding a real meeting. don’t spend a lot of time chatting with a virtual avatar that is going no where.

Jun. 07 2012 11:16 AM
oscar from ny

Do find girls or boys at craigslist or backpage and try to bargain a goid deal. don't go late nights to see these girls or boys to the bronxs or flatbush...most likely yull get robbed.

Jun. 07 2012 11:16 AM
John A. from a current status of nonexistent

My least favorite attribute of onliners: call it ping-pong'ing. That friendship that suddenly appears when the person has had a particularly bad week, then disappears for months when the their real-world relationships clear up.

Jun. 07 2012 11:06 AM

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