Published in
The Empire

Top 10 Ways NYC is Preparing for Snow

David Letterman:

10.Telling everyone to spend the night in New Jersey
9.Assigning extra sanitation workers to drink and sleep on the job
8.Establishing satellite uplink to Mayor Bloomberg's command center in Bermuda
7.Stocking up on low calorie snacks
6.You know the naked guy on the subway? Today he's wearing earmuffs
5.Regis attaching a salt spreader to his Rascal scooter
4.Brainstorming cool blizzard nicknames like "Snowpocalypse" and "Snowtastrophy"
3.Airing new Rex Ryan public service announcement about how to protect your feet
2.Charlie Sheen is getting plowed
1.Blizzard? We haven't cleaned up from New Year's Eve!