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The Empire

Earth shakes; candidates promise to investigate

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After an earthquake shook New York City this afternoon, candidates from across the city condemned the action, vowing to get to the bottom of the seismic activity. Those running from local party spots to congressional seats promised to work closely with government officials and community groups to ensure whoever was responsible for this afternoon's disturbance would be held accountable.

When asked for specifics about who, exactly, they felt was responsible for the earthquake, candidates said it was too soon to point fingers. A person close to the candidates, however, said the candidate's opponents, or their opponents parties, or their opponents views on anything they the candidates disagreed with were likely involved in whatever created the earthquake. The source spoke anonymously because they did not want to upset the candidate.

Community leaders said the candidates they supported had promised to do everything in their power to keep earthquakes out of the communities. Passing a local, state and/or federal "No Earthquakes" bill was discussed.

The candidates praised emergency responders and security personnel throughout New York City and State, while saying the MTA should do more to keep earthquakes from inconveniencing riders.