Streams

The Uncooperative Ex

Monday, August 15, 2011

Co-parenting after a difficult divorce can be a challenge. Executive director of Parenting Horizons Julie A. Ross, M.A., discusses her new book co-authored by Judy Corcoran, Joint Custody With a Jerk: Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex: A Hands-on Practical Guide to Communicating with a Difficult Ex-Spouse.

Listeners: Parents who share custody of your kids with your ex: What advice would you give about how to cooperate, communicate, and co-parent with an ex? Or ask a question about how you should deal with a difficult ex. Call us or comment here! 

Guests:

Julie A. Ross

Comments [10]

Estelle from Brooklyn

Wow, jgarbuz aka Archie Bunker, I'm assuming your post is a joke. Sure hope so!

Aug. 15 2011 06:48 PM
Peter T. Daniels

Amy from Manhattan -- go to

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Mehrabian

to find out about Mehrabian's absurd "study" (which pertains only to how much of "liking" is communicated by each of the three modalities) and how badly Julie A. Ross misinterpreted it (apparently following plenty of others in her profession).

Aug. 15 2011 12:02 PM
anonymous from New York


The kind of bad behavior and "jerky" beyhavior described in the piece also continues to happen in sole custtody cases at well.

When a custodial parent behaves badly, their custodial staus simply gives them more power to do so.

The subtle abuse doesnt' occur when one parent has all of the power belies everything we know about human relationships.

Aug. 15 2011 11:50 AM

R. Tunskers- I think you should talk to your kid(s) first and not necessarily just throw them into therapy. When my parents divorced when I was 11 I went to court-ordered child therapy and found some creepy stranger trying to pry into my life far more traumatic than I'm sure not going to counseling would have been!

Aug. 15 2011 11:47 AM
jgarbuz from Queens

The Feminists have succeeded in destroying the traditional PATRIARCHAL family unit, trying to replace it with some "democratized" hodgepodge, but with miniscule results.

I think it is futile to try to save marriage, and best it be officially abolished and children be manufactured and raised by the State or by corporations, ala "Brave New World."

Like communism, the feminist agenda will only bring down the West in the end. Indeed it is well on its way in succeeding after less than two generations of their destructive ideas.

Aug. 15 2011 11:43 AM
R. Tunskers from Brooklyn, NY

PLEASE make sure you get your kid(s) to see a therapist if you are separating or divorcing; the kid(s) need it more than you know. The therapist can also give both parents some guidance about how to NOT make things worse for the child/children as you separate and learn to live apart. Keep the health and sanity of your child(ren) as your MAIN FOCUS!!

Aug. 15 2011 11:40 AM
Amy from Manhattan

Who came up w/these percentages of communication for things like body language, & how did they calculate it? I tend to be skeptical of hard numbers for things that are so subject to interpretation (is that smile sincere? is that tone sarcastic?).

Aug. 15 2011 11:39 AM

What about if you were in an abusive relationship? Should you still try to not speak badly about the ex, or does the kid have the right to know?

Aug. 15 2011 11:39 AM
Peter T. Daniels from Jersey City

Again Jamie Floyd tries to do linguistics -- where did Julie A. Ross get those ridiculous figures that "body language is 55% of communication" and "tone of voice is 38% of communication"? Which leaves exactly 7% of communication to be handled by speech and any other modalities that happen to exist?

Aug. 15 2011 11:38 AM
anonymous

The word "Communicating" in the title of the book resonates a lot to me. During the counseling we attempted before our separation, and every moment since, it became painfully clear that we just communicated totally differently. Even after realizing this, the communication didn't get any better. Six months after the separation, the communication is ok on some levels, mostly as regards basic logistics (and mostly via text messages), but quite horrible on others (anything that doesn't fit in 160 characters).

I hope your guests specifically talk about how people who failed to communicate when they were married can hope to do so afterwards.

I am painfully looking forward to this segment.

Aug. 15 2011 11:13 AM

Leave a Comment

Email addresses are required but never displayed.

Get the WNYC Morning Brief in your inbox.
We'll send you our top 5 stories every day, plus breaking news and weather.