Gay Etiquette

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Steven Petrow, nationally syndicated columnist, former president of the National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association and author of Steven Petrow's Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners: The Definitive Guide to LGBT Life, discusses etiquette dilemmas in light of the  legalization of gay marriage.

The deadline for registering in the lottery to get married in New York City this Sunday, the first day gay couples to get married by a city clerk, is today at noon! Gay or straight, if you and your partner want to get married this weekend, follow this link to register for the lottery. 


Steven Petrow

Comments [23]

lee reuveni from israel

i wanted to know abput non american gay couples, is it possible to get married in ny?

Jul. 23 2011 03:55 AM
Amy from Manhattan

philip, I'm glad you like it! What I like about it is that it works for same-sex *&* both-sex couples--true equality!

Jul. 21 2011 11:26 AM
philip from greenpoint

@Amy from Manhattan, that's a much better idea! i'm a fan of that.

Jul. 21 2011 11:10 AM

The recent passing of the marriage bill is momentous for civil rights.....However, it's impossible to listent to this segment on the etiquette of gay marriage after being in the grave and extremely urgent discussions of the scourging the middle class via tax breaks to the wealthy; the corruption of politics and media...........

Jul. 21 2011 11:04 AM
John from office

This is Brians new abu ghraib, which lead to endless segments. But those were more interesting.

Jul. 21 2011 11:04 AM
Amy from Manhattan

How about "spouse"?

And hasn't a lot of this been ironed out over the time (what, 5 years?) same-sex marriage has been legal in other states?

Jul. 21 2011 11:03 AM

It's a little startling to hear Brian so fixated on possible system-gaming this Sunday.

Jul. 21 2011 11:02 AM
philip from greenpoint

i've been with my boyfriend for many years, and even if we marry, i can't really imagine calling him anything other than my "boyfriend". even to me partner feels outdated and husband feel weird.

Jul. 21 2011 11:02 AM
Tulis McCall from Manhattan

Officiants can marry the couples after they get the license and the waiver from the judge that allows them to get married on the same day. The numbers are 762 total and divided up proportionally with 400+ in Manhattan.

I am a wedding officiant available to perform free weddings on Sunday and this coming week only. Please feel free to contact me.

Jul. 21 2011 11:01 AM
Ken from Little Neck

To those who refuse to get married as a political protest, I'd say the absolute best way to support gay marriage everywhere is to get married! Use the rights you have earned to push the same rights for others - if you hold out on exercising your rights until they apply to everybody, you may never get there.

Jul. 21 2011 11:00 AM
john from office

THIS IS BRIANS FAVORITE SUBJECT. The twinkle in his voice is interesting. I predict that there will be a gay segment tomorrow, monday and tuesday. Possibly weds.

Brian, let this rest, it gets tired.

Jul. 21 2011 10:59 AM

I think it's time for *all* of us to move beyond these confining traditions associated with weddings. An engagement ring for only one partner are a waste of money and represent possession of one partner by the other. A couple should pay for their own ceremony, and if their parents decide to help, great.

I think there's too much emphasis on the ceremony, and not enough on the much longer and more important MARRIAGE that follows.

My partner (hetero) and I discussed getting married and what we wanted from a ceremony. We ended up wanting it to be all about us, and not our family. We eloped on a fantastic road trip, got good pictures, and we have no regrets---it was perfect.

I have to confess the two traditions I did keep: wedding bands, and my partner "asking permission" of my dad. Very antiquated I know, but it meant a lot to Dad.

Jul. 21 2011 10:58 AM
Julio from nj

How are they going to get married on a Sunday if the government offices are usually closed on Sunday?
Is the government making a special exception and opening on a Sunday just for this?
Isn't this special treatment for one group?
Is this an anti-religion statement because Sunday is the most important day of the week for church?

Jul. 21 2011 10:57 AM

For the love of god, it's a slash. Not a backslash.

Jul. 21 2011 10:55 AM

Those aren't "backslashes" in the web address! Those are "slashes"!

This is a slash -> /
This is a backslash -> \

Jul. 21 2011 10:54 AM
Ross from Brooklyn

In male/female weddings the bride stands on audience left and the groom on the right. How does this or other hetero traditions translate?

Jul. 21 2011 10:54 AM
mark from brooklyn

i'm looking to propose to my boyfriend of 10 years, but i'm sort of confused about the whole, who should do what type of things. I think since we're not a traditional couple to begin with, and we don't want a traditional wedding, we'll just make it up as we go along?

Jul. 21 2011 10:54 AM
barbara raab from Manhattan

Brian -- Are they only giving out 762 licenses on Sunday, or only letting 762 couples get married by the City Clerk? Can somebody get a license on Sunday and then go to their church or synagogue and get married on that day? Please clarify!

Jul. 21 2011 10:53 AM
Kate from New York City

Hi Brian - Can ministers who are already registered to perform weddings in NYC be there on Sunday or Monday to perform weddings for people there and then?

Jul. 21 2011 10:51 AM
Sheldon from Brooklyn

Well Ed, you are free to go listen to 1010 wins, might be your style.

Jul. 21 2011 10:10 AM
rick from UES

I was under the impression that the LGBT struggle against a hetero-normative society to ''come out" signified a break from social norms that repress and oppress people -gay or straight. When a LGBT person is able to accept their sexuality and demand their equal rights in the face of prejudice and hate, please explain why would those LGBT people accept another environment of sexuality based social norms?

These belief systems are a waste of human capital, like Ed from Larchmont who would have you believe that some higher power is punishing gays and gay marriage by sending a heat wave to NY: a waste. When a LGBT person like myself is able to dismiss those attempts to heap chains of oppression and guilt upon us, believe me, there is no going back to someone else's dogma, rules and etiquette when you know true freedom.

Jul. 21 2011 09:55 AM
Ed from NYC

WNYC, all gay, all the time. The show is becoming more and more pointless and not worth listening to unless one is gay. I think of Lehrer's show as being a gay-oriented show and I have no relation to that so I avoid it. Its unfortunate and hopefully will cause a reduction a further reduction in subscriptions (approximately a 30% drop from 2009 to 2010).

The more segmented stories Lehrer does, the more he panders to his segmented audience. Its getting smaller, not larger. Its very tired.

Jul. 21 2011 09:04 AM
Ed from Larchmont

And we notice that the worst heat wave in 15 years in the Mid-West is coming east, just in time for same-sex marriage to go into effect.

Jul. 21 2011 08:31 AM

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