Streams

Who's Getting Married

Monday, November 22, 2010

Belinda Luscombe, Time Magazine senior editor, talks about the results of the recent Time/Pew survey on marriage, showing opinions sharply divided by age and class.

Guests:

Belinda Luscombe

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Comments [28]

John from New York, NY

Do as you wish people, there is no rules of right and wrong as long as you don't sign any thing that has the word " CONTRACT" in it.

Nov. 22 2010 12:02 PM
Raised in Wyoming

I've always said New York is just a different kind of redneck. New Yorkers can be *so* narrow-minded and provincial. You folks may be surprised to learn there's a big county out there with a lot of different people in it. Example: America's biggest Arab community is in Ann Arbor.

Nov. 22 2010 11:55 AM
Dan from Morristown, NJ

Turns out that Pastor who told his followers to delete their facebook accounts was actually trying to hide his own affair.

http://www.dailyrecord.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2010311210004

Nov. 22 2010 11:53 AM
Kaitlin

I don't know about marriage being obsolete but Brian - moving to New York equals culture shock?? It's a big world out there even if you're not from New York - I think your question is obsolete!!

Nov. 22 2010 11:50 AM
Texas Mer from Weehawken, NJ

Ok...I'm from Texas. I was born and raised there and got all of my education (Kindgergarten through Bachelor of Arts) there. The notion that women without rings on their fingers by their Sr. year in college are disparagingly perceived is RIDICULOUS.

Many thoughtful, brilliant, unmarried women emerge from Texas colleges and universities. That notion is likely more an indication of the rather insular small-minded community in which that soldier and his wife were raised and not an accurate depiction of women in Texas schools.

Nov. 22 2010 11:49 AM
Daniel from Germany

That comment concerning European gay couples' attitudes towards marriage was beyond naive. If Europeans care less, it's concerning the desire to get married, not the desire to be able to marry. And the lack of the ability in the US influences greatly the understanding people have of why American gay couples wish to marry.

Nov. 22 2010 11:48 AM

isn't the divorce rate 50% in this country

Nov. 22 2010 11:42 AM
jgarbuz from Queens

Marriage is a MAN-MADE institution which for millennium gave men security over their rights to the offspring of the women they "married" and control of the family and its accumulated assets. But most of these priveleges and rights that men had when they established the institution, no longer exists. If your wife divorces you, she will get at least half the assets and control of the children, regardless if she quickly remarries, and you will be lucky to get out without broken bones. Unless you are so wealthy as to be able to afford the best lawyers money can buy. Marriage today is purely a vehicle that transfers wealth from one spouse to the other, especially from men to their estranged spouses. I think the next step is "Brave New World" where either the state or some large corporations take over the role of producing and rearing of children. Men will just be paid sperm donors and females paid to carry the fetus to term, and marriage will become as quaint and antique as the horse and carriage.

Nov. 22 2010 11:41 AM
Ash in Chelsea

If one considers that historically the reason for getting married -- contrary to popular belief -- had nothing to do with love other factors such as power pursuits, it becomes easier to understand why the custom might have fallen out of favor.

Nov. 22 2010 11:40 AM
Emily from Ramsey, NJ

I think there is a general reluctance by my generation (twenty-somethings) to judge other people's choices or to privilege an institution (marriage) that is not accessible to all people today. I think this might explain the high number of people who believe that marriage is obsolete (which I read to mean, no longer necessary in today's society), but still desire marriage (I'd say, a committed relationship, over the institution of marriage itself). Most people want to be in a committed relationship, but I don't think that my generation feels a huge push to enter marriage when cohabiting is so socially acceptable, when gay and lesbian couples do not have the same rights, and/or when the institution seems so bankrupt because of a high divorce rate.

Nov. 22 2010 11:40 AM
office from office

Brian had to bring in his favorite topic, gay marriage, same sex marriage. And he had to tell how well the kids do.

Brians favorite topic gays and gay marriage. Any topic will eventually end at this topic.

Nov. 22 2010 11:39 AM
mike from manhattan


if you start out with more than the person you marry.
you might as well be putting an apple on your head and hope they don't miss.

Nov. 22 2010 11:38 AM
Liz from Manhattan

In solidarity with my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, I'm currently engaged to be civil unioned.

Nov. 22 2010 11:38 AM
Anne from Manhattan

I'm 40 years old, I got married at 32. My parents and my in-laws have been happily married for over 40 decades each. My husband and I both have successful careers.
I believe in marriage deeply - it's been the piece of the puzzle of life that is key to all the others. Marriage and kids have given my life more foundation, and more meaning than any other thing. I do believe it's in many ways the cornerstone of a stable successful society because of how it changes us. Be it two men, two women, or the traditional way.

Nov. 22 2010 11:38 AM
Liz from Manhattan

In solidarity with my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, I'm currently engaged to be civil unioned.

Nov. 22 2010 11:37 AM
jgarbuz from Queens

Marriage is a MAN-MADE institution which for millennium gave men security over their rights to the offspring of the women they "married" and control of the family and its accumulated assets. But most of these priveleges and rights that men had when they established the institution, no longer exists. If your wife divorces you, she will get at least half the assets and control of the children, regardless if she quickly remarries, and you will be lucky to get out without broken bones. Unless you are so wealthy as to be able to afford the best lawyers money can buy. Marriage today is purely a vehicle that transfers wealth from one spouse to the other, especially from men to their estranged spouses. I think the next step is "Brave New World" where either the state or some large corporations take over the role of producing and rearing of children. Men will just be paid sperm donors and females paid to carry the fetus to term, and marriage will become as quaint and antique as the horse and carriage.

Nov. 22 2010 11:37 AM
anonymous

I have a hard time with the heteronormative "marriage is obsolete" canard when so many in our culture are denied the right to marry. You can't simultaneously argue that marriage is both obsolete and that the intensity of its meaning is the basis for the ferocity of the gay marriage debate.

My husband and I are both college-educated (met through school) and earn comfortable incomes. We got married last year after living together for a few years; it wasn't really a trial - we knew we wanted to get married before we moved in, but we wanted to get used to living together and building a life together in more than we-have-the-same-last-name only.

Nov. 22 2010 11:36 AM
bernie from bklyn

there is a gap between incomes of married and unmarried couples because most people don't get married 'til they have their careers sorted out. when they're living together most people are still finding themselves and their careers.
what is with these guests coming on this show stating the obvious and acting like they have some special insight into our society. i really wish the other segments were longer and this was cut.
the producers of this show are seriously slacking. hearing the irish accents made me remember the days of the BL show when he had a good producer.

Nov. 22 2010 11:36 AM
Katie from Brooklyn

I'm 25 and to me, there doesn't seem to be a need to get married, especially with the stigma of divorce people my age have seen. If you're committed to your partner, LIVE your commitment!

Nov. 22 2010 11:36 AM
Debbie from NYC

Is this a matter of where we live? Most of my NYC friends have gotten married in their early-mid 30s (myself included). Most of my friends from Florida, where I'm from, got married, had kids, bought houses in their 20s back when I thought they were way too young to get married.

Nov. 22 2010 11:36 AM
Whitney from Brooklyn, NY

Another thing to consider is not everyone is free to get married. Gay and lesbians are not free to so me and many of my couple friends are waiting to get married till we are all considered equal.

Nov. 22 2010 11:35 AM
Insipid Roustabout from Westfield, NJ

Marriage is just a business contract between two people to ensure certainty between them to make sure they have money to support kids.

Apart from that, why marry!?!

Nov. 22 2010 11:35 AM
Dave from Brooklyn

Marriage has just become too expensive to deal with. I have recently attended a wedding of a couple who are living at the wife's parents beach house in North Carolina. Both are doing freelance work, and have invited friends, both married and single, to live with them to help everyone in finding a relatively inexpensive living space. During the entire ceremony, the father of the bride had the most grim look on his face, the look of a man furious at the hole burned in his wallet.

Nov. 22 2010 11:35 AM
Caitlin

Did you break this down by whether or not the parents of the subjects are still married? I find that I and my friends with divorced parents are much more cynical about marriage than those whose parents are still together.

Nov. 22 2010 11:34 AM
Lauren

It does seem like a somewhat irresponsible choice in this day and age to get married before you are financially and professionally secure, and this can take quite a while nowadays.

Having said this, I worry that people who wait to get married and ostensibly have children for this reason may have more difficulty with their fertility.

Nov. 22 2010 11:34 AM
word to wise

Several zillion times easier to raise children with a (decent) partner.

Nov. 22 2010 11:33 AM
Y. Berra

Marriage? Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded.

Nov. 22 2010 11:31 AM
happily myself

50% of the people think marriage is obsolete?

Let's hope it's the same 50% that in the previous generations get divorced!

Nov. 22 2010 11:31 AM

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