WNYC Documentary "Changed New York"
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To the nation and the World, September 11th was an attack on America. But to New Yorkers, the destruction of the World Trade Center was personal. It was a death in the family, the loss of a friend, the passing of a co-worker. It was the shock of seeing neighborhoods torn apart - the city transformed into a disaster scene and a war zone with police barricades, ID checkpoints, and national guard troops openly carrying weapons in the street.

It still is the pit in your stomach that comes from feeling insecure amid familiar surroundings or the urge to cry at the most unexpected times. It's also a smile or a knowing look shared with a stranger on the subway, as if to say, "We're all in this together." And it's that split second of forgetting when you look up to find the twin towers and are reminded, again, that they really are gone.

This is "Changed New York," a special program from WNYC. I'm John Rudolph.

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How do we recover from significant loss, from trauma? Usually it happens in stages - first shock and disbelief, then anger, depression, guilt, a sense of disorientation. Over time, people can come to accept their loss, perhaps by striking an emotional bargain with themselves so they can regroup and start rebuilding their lives.

Of course not everyone goes through all these phases, and people may experience several different emotions at the same time.

This program is about how New Yorkers are coping with their loss one year after September eleventh.

KEN FRIED: This is a memorial park that's being built by the community - actually it was done by two local synagogues - Beth Sha-, Temple Beth Shalom and Temple Sinai, and it's being dedicated to Arlene, and also there are two brothers, two fireman, and it's being dedicated to them and anybody else in the Roslyn community who lost their lives on nine-eleven. There's a patio, and there's a ... (fade under)

JR: Ken Fried's wife, Arlene, was killed at the World Trade Center on September eleventh. Arlene Fried was an attorney at the securities firm Cantor Fitzgerald. She worked on the 104th floor of Tower One, the first tower to be hit by a suicide pilot on that morning. Arlene and Ken met as teenagers, and were married for almost 29 years. Both were raised by parents who survived the Holocaust. Arlene and Ken had three daughters, all of whom live in the New York area. A memorial park has been built near the Fried's home in the Long Island suburb of Roslyn. It's a simple brick patio bordered by flowers and trees.

KEN: They're talking about renaming the street signs right around it to call it Arlene's Place, so it really is very nice. (fade)

JR: Arlene Fried's family has generally avoided public ceremonies for the victims of September eleventh and public events for the survivors. Ken has never even visited Ground Zero.

KEN: For me, personally and I guess everybody is different, you know, I know she was there. It's like opening up a wound. I made the conscious choice and I discussed it with my daughters that we didn't at the time-, we did not supply DNA because I-, my-, my personal feeling is getting back anything less than remains that are recognizable just feels so painful that I'd rather be way-, the way I am now. We-, we put up a memorial. We took a plot in a cemetery and we had an unveiling on her 50th birthday, which was in April. I just feel like there's never really going to be any real kind of closure here, but we have to get as close to it as we can.

ELLIOTT: My name is Elliott Joseph. I'm Arlene Fried's brother. In the beginning, we didn't talk much about her at family functions. That was the hardest thing. To pretend like she never existed was-, was very hard on me because of the way I feel about remembering people. But over time, people have been able to talk about her, and I think it's important that we do remember her and do speak of her memory, and speak of her in the present. "Oh," you know, that one of my nieces will say, you know, "mommy really likes that," or, "Do you remember when mommy did that?" And we-, we think of her often and speak of her often. I think that's the right thing to do - not to-, to bury the memories.

(Sounds of ringing phone)
Ronny: Hello.
Elliott: Hi, Ma, how are ya?
Ronny: Okay.
Elliott: We're on our way over-
Ronny: (inaudible)
Elliott: (cont.) from-
Ronny: (cont.) from Forest Hills?
Elliott: Yeah. We just took the two-mile walk to the car. Is Daddy still home?
Ronny: Daddy will be home all night.
Elliott: Oh, okay.

(piano: Chopin's "Nocturne in E flat Major")

NICHOLAS JOSEPH: My name is Nicholas Joseph. I was born in 1921 in Romania, and I came to this country in 1948 after surviving two and a half years of labor camp in occupied Russia, working for the Germans under Hungarian supervision. I lost my whole family - my parents, my brother - who didn't return. I was the only survivor. I was Arlene's father, who I lost unfortunately at the World Trade Center, the biggest blow, more so than the Holocaust and the Communist era that I lived through.

ELLIOTT: I'm reminded of the arguments I had with my father, growing up. I was born in this country. I'm an American, and believe in the institutions of freedom that exist here. But my father always told me that what happened in Europe, the Holocaust, could happen here, and I dismissed it as absurd. And now I feel that it could happen here, it could anywhere, that you're not safe.

(music - "Claire de la Lune" [Debussy])

KEN: She liked playing the piano, and she used to sit down and play when she was upset. She found it soothing. I knew how angry she was if she started playing the piano.

I think we had a pretty good marriage. You-, you're married for twenty-eight years, and there are ups and downs, but I think, by and large, we were more up than down. I was happy with the way things were, and I was in love with her. I can't believe it's a year. It feels like yesterday.

(music - Debussy, fini)

KEN: Nobody ever had contact with - to the best of my knowledge - with anybody in the area of the building where she was. You know, we were all in denial, and she's in a hospital or she's "here." We had a vigil for about a week, when we finally realized the enormity of the event and-, and there weren't any survivors.

ELLIOTT: We were never sure what happened. Actually, we had Arlene placed at her desk at 8:44.
An acquaintance of mine was looking for a job. Arlene was the perfect person to give advice, and at 8:44 that morning, she left a voicemail on this woman's answering machine.

ARLENE: Hi, this is Arlene Fried. I'm returning your call. Please give me a call whenever it's convenient - 212-938-4858. Elliott Joseph told you to call me. I'm sorry I haven't had the opportunity to return your call sooner. Buh-bye. (Sound of phone hanging up)

ELLIOTT: One of the last things that she did on this planet was-, was an act of kindness, where she was gonna give advice to a total stranger.

ALLISON FRIED: My name is Allison Fried. I'm 22 years old. I think that we were very fortunate to have a mom who treated us as equals. She didn't push, she didn't interrogate, she didn't look through our stuff when we weren't home. She kind of gave us our freedom to develop our own personalities. In-, in return, we turned out a lot like her. My sisters and I all have little bits of us that are purely, 100 percent, from her. She's definitely my role model.

ELLIOTT: She was at the point in her life where she was on top of the world with her success. She had struggled to get to where she was, and she was just at the point of enjoying the fruits of her labors. It was just cut short. I experienced from the beginning a great sense of anger at the incompetence of our government - the people that flew the plane into the World Trade Center - they should've been caught ten different times during the planning of this.

Elliott: Hi, Dad.
Mickey: --- (inaudible) how are you?
Elliott: We have to play ping-pong before the rains come. Ahh, it looks like rain. Hi, Ma.
Robby: Hi.
Elliott: So what's for dinner?
Robby: --- (inaudible).
Elliott: Anything edible tonight?

JR: In many ways Arlene Fried was the glue that held her family together, the hub at the center of the wheel. To her parents, she was living proof that they had overcome the horrors of the Holocaust. To her husband, Ken, she was a lifelong partner. To her three daughters and her brother Elliott, Arlene's success in business and her compassion were an inspiration. Now, a year after her death, the family is struggling to regain its center.

ELLIOTT: I wonder how anyone who survived the Holocaust could ever believe in God. Even though I went to Yeshiva for six years, I was never big on religious faith. It's kind'a hard not to believe that there's some force - some unseen force - that does exist. It's hard to believe that we're nothing but flesh and blood without soul, but as for believing in God, I just feel my sister was too good a person to be slaughtered the way she was. For that to happen, I just can't believe that there's a God.

KEN: There is a process that people go through, and a question of then trying to move on. But with this, losing someone in what is really a seminal event in American history and to be connected to it in such a personal way, is very difficult on a daily basis of just living your life, and to the point where you walk into the dry cleaner and you see they have the-, a very caring poster up, s-, you know, showing the twin towers with a, "We will never forget" type of thing. It kind of keeps opening up that wound each time, but on the other hand, I don't want anybody else to forget, so if that's the price I guess I have to pay to make sure that the world doesn't forget, that's the price I have to pay.

NICHOLAS: It was part of my upbringing to be able to live through adversities, how to survive in all situations. We shouldn't let the emotion take over our life. She always will be with us. She just - I guess - disintegrated into thin air. Therefore, she's always around us.

(music - piano, to piece fini)

JR: You're listening to "Changed New York," a special program from WNYC.

(Break)

This is "Changed New York," a special program from WNYC. I'm John Rudolph.

An hour after the Twin Towers collapsed, WNYC reporter Beth Fertig met a captain from the Sanitation Police named Charles Diaz. He was in a triage center at the (Sound) city's health department nursing a broken arm, with a makeshift sling fashioned with a wooden ruler and a piece of masking tape.

CHARLES DIAZ: I was over on Trinity by Church trying to find my men. I'm a captain with the Sanitation Police, and all of a sudden all hell broke loose. We heard the building starting to collapse, we ran. I got buried under rubble. I don't know how I'm alive. One of my sergeants jumped underneath a parked truck and that saved him, and I just unburied myself and tried to help whoever I could. We found some traffic-enforcement agents and some-, some school safety officers. We brought them into a-, an open Burger King, tried to wash out our face as we could, and see in front of us-, there was-, everything was black. We were chokin'. We couldn't breathe, and we made our way out and in here.

BETH FERTIG: Did you see a lot of people who were s-.

CHARLES: I saw people buried. I just-, like I said, they were crawling out of the rubble, like I did. Just like I did, and I saw a-, a traffic agent, and I don't even remember her name. We helped each other out. She had a flashlight, and we made our way through the darkness.

JR: We wanted to find out what happened to Officer Diaz since September eleventh. So Beth Fertig got in touch with him over the summer.

BF: It was maybe a week after September eleventh, when Charles Diaz spotted an article in the union newspaper about a school safety officer. She'd been evacuating students near the World Trade Center when the first tower collapsed, and she guided a sanitation officer out of the rubble.

CHARLES: She didn't know my name. We didn't know our names. She-, she said she wanted to make sure that I knew she was okay because we lost track of each other.

BF: He called the newspaper, and a few hours later he heard back from the safety officer.

DEBORAH METE: I called and I said to him, "Hello may I speak to Charles Diaz?" And he says, 'This is he." And I said to him, "Well, my name is Deborah Mete, and I'm the young lady that saved you that day, and he says, "Oh, my God. Thank you so much." He just was so thankful.

CHARLES: She's very religious, and we were just talking about that there was a purpose that we made it out of there.

DEBORAH: He says, "You know you're my hero." I said, "I'm not a hero." I said, "I do believe that God put me there with that light to save you, and that this is not a hero effort. This is just something I was appointed to do."

BF: Chuck Diaz and Deborah Mete discovered they needed to talk to each other. In the months ahead, they continued talking almost every week. Each had feelings they were wrestling with as survivors of a terrifying ordeal.

CHARLES: Psychologically, it-, you know, bothered us. All the people that-, you know, why we lived and-, you know, a lot of other people didn't.

DEBORAH: There's times that you do feel down, and there's times that you do need to speak to someone. And what I explained to him is that our families really can't ex-, explain and experience what we went through so they're really no help.

BF: But it was with their families that Chuck and Deborah each found the safety and security they needed. And even if their loved ones couldn't understand what the two survivors experienced, the disaster drew them together, as well.

SOUND OF BBQ, BARBARA: "Sit in the nice comfortable chair..."

BF: One Sunday in August, Chuck and his wife Barbara invite Deborah and her family to a barbecue at their home on Staten Island. The Metes live in the Bronx. And they show up in a red convertible, exhausted after the long drive.

DEBORAH: ... and the traffic was bad, bad, but we're here... Hi. Chris, hi. How are you...(DIP UNDER)

BF: The Diaz's have a teenage son and daughter. The Metes have brought along the youngest of their three kids.

CONTINUE SOUND IN CLEAR: "Hi how are you?"

BF: Just as everyone sits down to eat, the questions begin. Barbara's father, George, starts by teasing Deborah about her heroism. He wants to know how the 36 year-old school safety officer rescued his stocky son-in-law with only a flashlight.

GEORGE: I think-, you dragged him out? (laughs)

CHARLES: She sat there putting the light back and forth. She said follow the light. (DIP UNDER)

BF: Soon, Chuck and Deborah are telling their story. It's a story everyone sitting around this backyard table has heard before, at least in part. Kind of like their own personal exodus.

AHMED: Remember when you told-, told us it was like a ghost town?

BF: Deborah's nine-year-old son, Ahmed, prompts her to recall what it was like when the towers fell.

DEBORAH: It was like a ghost town. You remember that Michael Jackson "Thriller?"

CHARLES: Yeah.

DEBORAH: That's what it felt like, when all these people started rising up looking white,

CHARLES: Yes.

DEBORAH: cont., then they started coming at you slow. So he was crumbling things, and people moving things, and papers being shuffled.

CHARLES: Yeah.. (DIP UNDER)

BF: One year later, the details do seem surreal. At times, they're even comical.

DEBORAH and CHARLES laugh

BF: Chuck and Deborah go on to recall how they ran to a Burger King for safety, how they washed the ash off their faces with orange Slush, and then jumped over the counter to answer a ringing telephone.

DEBORAH: This lady says, "Can I speak to so?" I said, "Miss, do you realize what just happened? We almost died, and you're askin' ....!" I mean I went off. She says, and she goes, "Well what are you doin' in my store?" I said, "Your store? We-, did you hear what I just said? We almost died!" So I said, "Your store is no good. We're using your Slush, and we're ...."

BF: It was there in the Burger King that Chuck discovered he had broken his arm. Deborah was also injured, and they got separated in the chaos. It turned out she had broken an arm and a leg. Laughing about the crazy details, their spouses also start trading stories. Deborah's husband, Adam, a West African immigrant, says her nightmares kept him awake for months.

ADAM: Every hour you just kept tossing and turning.

DEBORAH: I was saying stuff?

ADAM: Yeah, you were saying stuff. "Uhhhh, it's comin' again," and stuff like that, you know?. So I could get no sleep.

BARBARA: And he was yelling. He would scream, "Run, run!" or, "No. Don't go in there!" Just-, all different things and he always had fists. Always. And they were always goin'.

BF: Chuck and Deborah and their families admit they went through a very difficult time after September eleventh. Chuck's sixteen-year-old daughter, Valerie, says she couldn't even talk to her father about what had happened to him.

VALERIE: We were at a restaurant, and I wanted to know, like, what it was like and everything, and then he got so upset he started crying.

CHARLES: In a way I was guilty. I felt guilty. For-, for them almost losing me. You know, that I put myself in that situation.

BF: Chuck and Barbara have been married for 20 years. They were high school sweethearts. But despite their closeness, Barbara says her husband shut down after September eleventh. Sometimes, the only one who could reach him was Deborah.

BARBARA: They were on the phone all the time. Like he would be very, very quiet. Just sit around, like, the TV on but not watching it. He would just be like in a stare. And I'd try to talk to him and of course I started crying so I was really no help. But then he'd get on the phone with Deborah, and then when he got off the phone with her, he was back to his normal self. I guess you had to go through it. He needed to talk with somebody who went though the same thing as him.

DEBORAH: Many people say that I know what you're going through, and I-, and I can understand, but they really can't because when those buildings were coming down, all you thought was that you were gonna die. Like, I can say, you know, "We stepped over those beams and they were really hot." And I can say to him, you know, "They were really hot, and-, and-, and one of them cut me, and-, and did you get cut?"

BF: Deborah and Chuck also went to counseling, and Deborah found support and solace from her Pentecostal church. Eventually, they say they came to accept their role as survivors.

SOUND OF swimming

DEBORAH: I thought you could swim. You're not even goin' anywhere...

BF: At the Diaz's house on Staten Island, the two families relax and take pictures while their kids play in the swimming pool. Deborah shudders when a plane flies overhead, but Adam says it's just a passing moment.

ADAM: She doing much better now, really much better. Things not bothering her like she-, she was.

DEBORAH: I believe it has made me be a better Mom. I don't take things for granted. I'm a little-, I'm a little more sensitive to the way I speak to my children.

CHARLES: I think I got a little closer to my-, to my kids and my wife, without a doubt, yeah.
We're more-, a little more tight-knit. We do things, I mean, a-, a lot more things together.

BARBARA: You're so glad you're still with your sweetie, right?

CHUCK: Yes. I'm ..... LAUGHS. (DIP UNDER)

BF: But the anxiety is always there. Barbara still can't get over almost losing her husband.

BARBARA: I don't let him out of my sight. I just-, I worry about him all the time.

CHARLES (READING): "Chuck - Warm and affectionate birthday wishes for you from ... (Dip under)

BF: At the Sunday barbecue, the two families celebrate Chuck's 40th birthday. Deborah gives her new friend a card.

CONTINUES, READING CARD: "Happy birthday, dear friend." Oh, thank you. "9-11-01 buddies 'till eternity."

BF: The Diaz and Mete families would like to get together to mark the first year anniversary together. Both Chuck and Deborah say they will always be there for each other.

CHARLES: Deborah's a - hopefully, she'll be a lifelong friend.

DEBORAH: As long as I live, the only thing that can separate me from him is death. That's it. Because we're connected now forever.

(music)

JESSICA WELCH: As you know, 9-1-1 day has always been 9-1-1 day for us. It was always important!

(music under)

CARL FLOOD: My name is PCT Flood, and I'm a dispatcher and nine-eleven operator. And the events that occurred on nine-eleven remain with me forever. We were celebrating nine-one-one day, and a group of us had been singled out to receive awards, for various accomplishments and longevity, and then when the supervisor came and she looked at me, and she was looking-, she was looking a little like something was going on. She told me to get up and go over to the citywide position, where I stayed for most of the tour, almost two tours, actually. And I was hearing a whole lot of panic over the radio. I was hearing a lot of activity, and I knew something was going on. That's when I heard this emergency service unit come over the air and says that the first tower was hit. And you know, everybody's doin' their job because, you know, just like ... (FADE)

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Thanks to Fred Froehlich for the use of his photos.