The opening of the 1983 film The Big Chill begins with a group of former college friends coming together for the funeral of one of their number. We don't yet know anything about him or them, but when the funeral organist launches into the Rolling Stones' "You Can't Always Get What You Want," the seven friends look at each other and start smiling. It's a neat moment, and in 1983, a fairly unexpected one.
Now, though, with the Baby Boomer generation aging into - how shall I put this? - into the target demographic of the funeral and cemetery business, we're beginning to see a lot more requests at funerals for popular music as opposed to the usual "Amazing Grace" and other religious hymns. Part of the reason is that Boomers seem to want to put the same kind of personalized stamp on their deaths as they did, or tried to do, in their lives. The other part has to do with comforting the mourners. And comfort is often in the mind of the beholder.
When I was about 7 or 8, my grandmother died. It was my first funeral, and it was in a big church with an organist and a singer with a big operatic tenor - I remember it because we kids had never heard a singer like that before, and it scared the bejesus out of us. One of my brothers burst into tears and had to be taken outside. He later said, it was the music that made him cry. If they'd just let my grandfather whip out his banjo and sing the little tune he'd written for my grandmother when he was in the army, I think it would've meant a whole lot more to everyone. But that's just not how things were done then.
Now, I understand that if you're gonna go the whole religious funeral route that you have to compromise. AC/DC's "Highway To Hell" may strike you as a hilarious choice for music at your funeral (as it clearly did for someone in the UK who made just such a request), but your clergyman may be less sanguine about its place at your final farewell. And if you're personalizing funeral music, there is a question of taste... I once went to a wedding where the bride and groom chose for their first dance the song "Baby, Baby, Don't Get Hooked On Me." (Second line: "'cause I'll just use you then I'll set you free.") I suppose the choice would've been okay if the couple were being ironic, or if the song didn't suck, but as neither of those were the case, it was just poor taste.
For me, I wouldn't presume to choose the music at my own funeral. I won't be there to hear it, so I'd leave it to my family to figure out what they'd like to hear. And if they decide that "Highway To Hell" is in order, well, that's fine by me. I might be going down that road anyway...
Tell us: Have you heard any untraditional music at a funeral? How did it work for you? What would YOU want played at your funeral?
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John Schaefer has hosted Soundcheck since the show’s inception in 2002. He has also hosted and produced WNYC’s radio series New Sounds since 1982 (“The No. 1 radio show for the Global Village” – Billboard) and the New Sounds Live concert series since 1986.
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