wnyc.org / 93.9fm / am 820

Comments

• [1] Amy from CT June 20, 2007 - 10:07AM

  A friend from high school said that he was reluctant to start a family because he saw how much the lives of friends had changed-in his view for the worse. My reply to him is, yes, your priorities change, but for the most part, what is given up pales in comparison to what is gained. Now that my kids are young teens (12 and 14) I still stick to that position-although some days are more challenging than others.

  
  
• [2] Duncan from Maplewood, NJ June 20, 2007 - 12:20PM

  The Guests are an arguement for the selfishness of so many people on the "fast track". I don't understand how one can say that they don't want to lose their Identity when become parents. If that is a concern, don't have a kid. I am a father who stayed home for a long time with my son and I am sick and tired of being asked if I am "babysitting" my son. That points to a prejudice that is entirely grown from ego.

  I'm a bit saddened to hear the few contributors to the parents anthology complain about becoming parents...??

  
  
• [3] Erin from Brooklyn June 20, 2007 - 12:31PM

  As a working mother whose husband stays at home with our 3 year old son, I feel that the relationship is strained due to the role reversal (or what is perceived as such.) I find myself torn between my identity as a mother, employee, wife, and "self" and trying to fulfill all of those roles. I find the "wife" and "self" identities come last and that breeds some resentment on my part and on my husband's. My child is my greatest joy and I try to balance these jobs each day, but it is not without strain.

  
  
• [4] Caroline from NYC June 20, 2007 - 12:37PM

  I hope you can address this on-air. I'm a mother of two trying to juggle a job as a television producer. (Right there you should know I'm already struggling with guilt, never feeling like I can give ANYTHING 100%.) Last time I had to travel for work I went to L.A. and my husband obviously had to stay at home with our two young children, ages 2 and 4. I stayed at a very nice hotel and one night my husband decided to go on this very nice hotel's website. When we spoke on the phone he left me flabberghasted when he said, "Why don't you just admit you're on vacation"? Vacation?!? I was working 14-hour days so I could condense the trip into a few days rather than a week! I still can't believe he said this! Would it make him happier if I'd stayed in a rodent-infested truck stop? Fast-forward to NOW: I have to travel again this weekend and am dreading it. He insists that even getting on a four-hour flight is a vacation. Now--as for HIS role: On one hand he says he's fifty, he waited very late in life to have a family and treasures every moment with them. But on the other hand he resents having to "babysit" - especially when it's for several days. I'm DREADING this trip so much, so HELP! How can I convince him that I'm working because I HAVE TO, that I am earning money and contributing to this family, and that most important, I am NOT on vacation?

  
  
• [5] Robert from Manhattan June 20, 2007 - 12:39PM

  Doesn't it strike anyone as somewhat selfish to have a second family at 65 years of age? Who will raise these kids in their teens?

  It seems to me that the previous caller was indulging himself at the expense of his first family who will undoubtedly be left to care for these kids as he and his wife become unable to do so.

  
  
• [6] Erin June 20, 2007 - 12:41PM

  As a result of so much sarcastic and negative media attention (especially in today's prime time television)towards marriage and child rearing, my partner is now dead set AGAINST both. It's something to listen to the wisdom of others before jumping into an extensive commitment, but what about hearing some of the justifications for having children? It's books like these that make it very difficult to convince my partner that children will add to our lives. At times I'm feeling my own instincts beginning to change. Perhaps it would've been better to jump in with no preconceived notions at all?

  
  
• [7] Sarah from New York June 20, 2007 - 12:41PM

  This is a very sad discussion for me since I know my parents' relationship could not withstand the extra pressures of having a child together.

  I think its great there is a book offering advice from real life on how to manage having children and maintaining a relationship.

  
  
• [8] Roy from NYC June 20, 2007 - 12:47PM

  More upper-middle-class writers doing the "new-trad" kid-worship thing. Have they said one interesting thing? Or is it all rueful comments about lack of sleep? Yawn.

  
  
• [9] Neetu from New York June 20, 2007 - 01:14PM

  I couldn't agree with Erin (comment #3) more. My husband stays home with our 2 year old and I work. We have a strong relationship with lots of communication and we are generaly happy. I have traveled for work and have luckily not had the experience that comment #4 describes.

  Role reversal is however a very tough thing. Not because we are traditional and can't do what we think, but because it is exhausting to think about what the right thing to do is every time, every day. When roles are defined, one can sometimes abdicate the responsiblity and take a respite. Going against the established grain and doing it right is an never endingly exhausing process.

  
  
• [10] Ro from 405 Broome Street, NYC 10013 June 20, 2007 - 02:31PM

  There are also many single mothers/parents. Have you considered the effect of a baby/child on the realtionship of the single parent with their close friends and family?

  It appears to me that the effects in these multiple scenarios are even more complex and various.

  
  
• [11] Hope Breeman from New Jersey June 20, 2007 - 11:00PM

  It's unfortunate that in an otherwise interesting conversation about the effects of child rearing upon the parents' relationship, one of your guests flippantly made two references to the Ferber method as a way for parents to regain much-needed together time. Leaving a baby alone to cry it out is hardly a viable solution. It's just plain cruel.