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I was interested in the brief reference to the birth order of parents as it may affect their child rearing practices. Both of my parents were first-borns of three and four siblings and I believe that while they easily empathized with my elder and only sibling they were utterly clueless regarding the challenges with which a second and last born must deal.

I am the oldest of 3 sisters, no brothers. We tolerated one another through childhood and became closer as we have gotten older.I was bossy and they had a lot more fun.

I'm so surprised there aren't many comments! I looove Deborah Tannen's work. My mother's sisters were really tight and supportive of each other and their zilions of kids - my father's sisters not so much. (he had a nun and a military officer for sisters, and one Mom. My sisters and I are also really close but have to duke it out from time to time. Boundaries. The two elder sisters just dropped vying for Mom's attn. when we realized it was a waste of time while the third is beyond devoted. My grandmother and great aunt each lived at one daughter's - one till she went into a nursing home and the other till she died a natural death at home - we had a huge family with a great sense of humor to share the job. I'm the first daughter, a disappointment for not being a boy, but they thought I was a fun big sister because I lobbied for fun things and I wasn't a strict adult.

Ask about office politics and women. They tend to be distructive in not voicing their issues with others.

My sister and I (she is two years younger than I am) never vied for my parents' attention. I got annoyed that I had to take the bus in school , while she got a ride by the time she was in high school, but that was the extent of it.