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Bad Mother

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Modern motherhood is riddled with anxiety. In her book, Bad Mother, Ayelet Waldman chronicles everything from balancing work and family, to the hysteria of competitive parenting to the relentless pursuits of what she calls the "Bad Mother police."

Event: Ayelet Waldman will be reading and signing books
Thursday, May 7, at 7:00 pm
Barnes & Noble, Tribeca
97 Warren Street

Guests:

Ayelet Waldman

Comments [28]

Mara from East Coast

I love Aeyelet Waldman for her honesty. Maybe I don't agree, 100%, w/all the choices she's made, and has been so brutally, bravely honest about (but then, I'm not the one who would have had to raise that baby w/the abnormal chromosomes, now am I)? And, no, I don't think one Must chose who one loves best, between children and husband, but Aeyelet is using this issue to get us to confront the tamping down of women's energies for their own empowerment, once they become moms. It's as if ALL energy must be, primarily, directed to the kids. Aeyelet's saying: no, no thank you, and yes, actually, I can Still be a great mother And advocate for myself. Her book's title is defintely meant ironically, as it should be. People here, spewing such negative garbage need to get a grip. They just resent Aeyelet for being so fabulously smart, entertaining and courageous enough to be honest. People love to wax indignant; get a clue, you losers.

May. 12 2009 01:14 PM
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Ed from Larchmont, NY

Down's Syndrome children are very kind and gently, we miss seeing them. She killed two of her children: she needs healing.

May. 08 2009 08:50 AM
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David in Brooklyn

I didn't catch this guest on any other NPR shows. I'm always grateful to hear interviews of thoughtful and intelligent people such as Ayelet Waldman. As a child of divorced parents, I regret my lack of exposure to adults who enjoy each other's company. I know that not every couple can work at home, with all the opportunities for intimate moments which prolonged contact provides, but I am glad for Waldman and her husband.

May. 07 2009 05:16 PM
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marc from bloomfield, n.j.

You're right about the "she's everywhere" problem. As soon as I heard her voice start on Leonard's show, off it went. She's as needy as A-Rod. Constant need to self-validate.

A vote of support for Lori in Montclair. I know whereof you speak....very selfless I'm sure. I belong to the YMCA in Montclair and love the support they give to many one-parent children. Now that's what someone should talk about.

May. 07 2009 01:17 PM
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Ed from Larchmont, NY

And we miss Down's Syndrome children, they are very sweet and kind.

May. 07 2009 01:15 PM
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db from nyc

... the media vacuum is REALLY desperate!

WHO CARES!

Can we please leave this kind of stuff to Oprah???

May. 07 2009 01:10 PM
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alkr

Hm. My experience living in PS is that the parents are self righteous but also usually live in double working parent families so the park is often filled on weekdays w inattentive or even hateful nannies. (There are LOTS of exceptions to what I've just stated.)

So many PS parents would rather work at a bank or law firm or pr firm than fight against the gentrification that has destroyed the way of life there and the ability for parents to look after their kids. Yet they are SO quick to judge if you are using the wrong accessory or milk. great stuff.

May. 07 2009 01:08 PM
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josh

My personality is most thankful for becoming a parent for the ability not to judge.

I know I will probably disagree with that judgment in the future, it happened so much at first, that now I don't even bother.

I don't even say the word should.

May. 07 2009 01:01 PM
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john from west village

I need to remind myself about this interview when I feel as if I could of given more money to WNYC's fund drive...

May. 07 2009 01:00 PM
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Suki from Williamsburg

Right on James.

I'd rather go to the park, too.

May. 07 2009 01:00 PM
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Karen from Cobble Hill

now she even mentions Berkeley where she lives is the Park Slope of the West...

What exactly is the PArk Slope personality described above ?

can someone elaborate - I barely ever go there...

May. 07 2009 12:59 PM
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Steve from Manhattan

This woman is horrible. I've heard her three times now on WNYC in three days...it's torture.
Please move on...

May. 07 2009 12:57 PM
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James from Brooklyn

To keep the pile-on going, I find myself peeved about the way this guest talks about work - as if it's a lifestyle that she chose for a while, but then decided that she wanted to go to the park instead. That whole work thing just didn't fit with her schedule any more. Great if you can make this choice, but most working people can't just say, I'd rather go to the park.

May. 07 2009 12:56 PM
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DAT from Nathan Straus Projects

What was the poing of a college degree,
of Law School, so that she can stay home?

She found it too tough out there,
had the option to bail out
and took it.

Why can't she be honest about it?

She aborted a defective child,
because she couldn't face the prospect,
the challenge of raising a less than
perfect child.

That was her second abortion,
because on Fresh Air, she said she had
a previous abortion that did not affect
her emotionally.

May. 07 2009 12:56 PM
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Suki from Williamsburg

Just to clarify - I don't have kids, I don't like kids, and even when I have kids, I probably won't like kids.

I just don't get this woman's annoying need to let all her friends know that she's gettin' it on regularly. I have friends who have kids and work full-time and would LOVE to relax enough to have the energy to have sex. Get off your high horse, lady. You're a hack.

May. 07 2009 12:55 PM
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Lori from Montclair, NJ


More than to be a GOOD mother, women feel incredible pressure to BE a mother (regardless of their suitability or situation). A woman who chooses to NOT have a child (or cannot have a child and chooses not to reveal that to people)is perceived as self involved, less nurturing, etc. I would have been more respected in our society had I chose to have a child in an unsettled marriage AND subjected that child to a divorce than I am as a childless woman. (I, by the way, work in the not-for-profit community, volunteer in my community, and am always on call for emergencies for my friends/family members' children.)

May. 07 2009 12:55 PM
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CL

Ugh. What a mindless waste of valuable airtime. I'm beginning to wonder about the producers at WNYC. Please let her shill her silly book someplace else.

May. 07 2009 12:53 PM
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ken from chino


Please explain Free Range Kids vs. Bad Mother.

Where do they get their nails done?

May. 07 2009 12:52 PM
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Karen from Cobble Hill

lol

she's been on Terry Gross, The Takeaway & G-d knows what else...but that happens a lot on public radio - author plugs make the rounds

ps: i'm a mom too and there's plenty of love to go around to my husband & kids...

May. 07 2009 12:50 PM
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anon from Staten Island

I am with those who happen to agree with the author, though we don't usually need to choose and hopefully will never have to make that sort of choice. And there are probably more women who do love their husbands more deeply than their children if they were completely honest. Strange that we women don't condemn husbands who choose their wives over an unborn child if only one can survive the birth.

May. 07 2009 12:49 PM
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Kik from East Village

This woman's shameless self-flagellation is going to make me vomit.

May. 07 2009 12:46 PM
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jtt from jackson heights

hasn't she already said these exact same things (word for word) on EVERY show on wnyc already?

May. 07 2009 12:46 PM
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kbinps from park slope

I don't care about the whole bad mother thing bt this woman is so annoying. So full of herself- trying so hard to be cool and "sassy". And Suki I agree with your comment- I unfortunately live in Park Slope. Unfortunately only as far as the tool full of themselves moms.

May. 07 2009 12:46 PM
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Robes from Corona

Good God this is miserable! Why is our valuable radio time wasted with this? Just turn it off.

May. 07 2009 12:44 PM
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suki from Williamsburg

@ Cambra: WORD.

May. 07 2009 12:40 PM
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anonniemuss from NYC

This woman is really making the rounds on NPR, isn't she? The main problem I have with her assertion that she loves her husband more than her kids is that it's simply not necessary to choose. Nobody asked her to choose, no one asked her if she was in love with her kids, and the hypothetical who-would-you-save-if-the-house-was-on-fire scenario is very unlikely to happen. And yet she feels compelled to make a public choice anyhow, and then wants to talk about how she has anxiety? Here's an idea: don't make contrived choices that you have no reason to make, and if you do, don't go around from NY Times to Fresh Air to Leonard Lopate to so on and so forth talking about it!

May. 07 2009 12:39 PM
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suki from Williamsburg

My mother certainly loved her husband more than her children; she attributes her 30 year marriage to my father to this.

Ayelet Waldman, however, annoys me beyond belief. She is part of that breed of women who keep me far far away from Park Slope.

May. 07 2009 12:39 PM
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Cambra from Clinton Hill, Brooklyn

Ayelet Waldman has been milking the "Modern Love" essay "firestorm" for WAY too long. I encourage her to move on from the angle of her more-famous (some would say more-talented, but I don't care for him or his work, either) husband and pick another topic to write about for the next 5 years.

May. 07 2009 12:38 PM
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