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Comments

• [1] serge from NYC September 30, 2008 - 10:52AM

  In my first go as The Boss I am quickly learning this to be true. I don't think its something you make a choice about, however. If you are self confident enough, it will show in the way you treat others.

  People who lack confidence or self esteem abuse others.

  
  
• [2] julia verdi from gloucester, mass. via brooklyn September 30, 2008 - 11:01AM

  You should hear the indie pop singer-songwriter-guitarist-producer Kevin Salem's beautiful song, "Kindness." Perfect for the authors' future interviews. Well worth your 99 cents!

  http://www.amazon.com/Kindness/dp/B000W0C7ZO

  
  
• [3] Gerald Fnord` from New York, NY September 30, 2008 - 11:10AM

  Unfortunately, even if this is more effective, people in power are often having too good a time for the S&M-like games they have set up or have had set-up for them.

  (Slavery was economically inefficient, but it was so much _fun_, at least for the powerful people who mattered. Our interrogators in Iraq could have used these well-tested methods: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200506/budiansky , but evidently those were not as much fun, and insufficiently butch.)

  Sorry to rant, but I see arbitrary authority as inimical to progress, information-transfer, and human happiness---but it seems to be the most popular game in town.

  
  
• [4] Ken from Brooklyn September 30, 2008 - 11:15AM

  I don't think that bosses should be focused on being kind, I think they should focus on being sincere and taking responsibility. This extends to employees as well.

  For instance a very popular boss/workplace phrase is "we are family". This sounds kind but it's not honest. My family doesn't fire me or lay me off.

  If a boss leads by example when challenging employees to work smarter and rewarded through praise and monetarily, then employees will perform. Just being kind without sincerity is condescending.

  Honest encouragement and responsible leadership will ultimately make the workplace a better place to be because people want to be respected.

  
  
• [5] Sara from Brooklyn, NY September 30, 2008 - 11:19AM

  I was bothered by the final comment - that women are better leaders if they "stay women." The argument that women naturally have a deeper range of emotions or are more likely to be in touch with their feelings does nothing to better the situation of women in the workplace; instead it reinforces the notion that women who are strong or harsh are denying or lacking essential femininity. Different women lead in different ways for the same reason different men lead in different ways: because they are unique individuals with varying experiences and backgrounds that inform their leadership styles. Please, let's stop reducing these conversations to "Women are like this, and Men are like this," because these arguments are often flawed and do not do anyone any favors.

  
  
• [6] lillym from NJ September 30, 2008 - 11:30AM

  I wasn't a boss but I was a supervisor, and believe me there was no amount of kindness or my hard working example to make some lazy asses work! There are lots of people out there who do need a firm hand. Unfortunatelly (for the future of this country) most of my "problems" were college graduates who were only happy and upbeat on the day of the paycheck. Some of them were even sleeping at the desk. My big boss was the "kind" type, didn't do anything to help me, I ended up doing their job and at the end I left. Can someone give us instructions on how to deal with extremely lazy and "deaf" workers?

  
  
• [7] Max Stirner from Brooklyn, NY September 30, 2008 - 11:55AM

  I find it encouraging that recent college graduates understand that the company will not be loyal to them, and wants to make as much from them as possible whilst giving them the least.

  They are ill-motivated because it's a fundamentally bad deal and they're perhaps less brainwashed and scared than generations previous (e.g., men who had had their personalities dismantled and rebuilt by the military, and willing to settle for a bad deal as long as no-one were shooting them).

  I would fault them for not being better at finding a better deal, through start-ups or working to replace this fundamentally immature and insincere system.

  
  
• [8] michael o'malley from new haven, ct September 30, 2008 - 01:54PM

  Thank you all for your comments. As you might imagine, it is hard to say everything we would like in 10 minutes. But I have a couple of things to say in response to the comments we have received thus far. So here goes (in 2 or 3 sets, as space allows):

  Serge: One of our interviewees said building self confidence in others was the most important thing he could do for others. I our book, we add, building, self-control, self-awareness and self-determination.

  Julia: I'll look up the tune and download it.

  Gerald: We couldn't agree more. The problems of places like Abu Ghraib occur when there is a cultural permissiveness, and no transparency and accountability in procedures. That is, leaders let things happen. Lack of executive authority and anonymity are a bad combination. So, I hold leaders accountable as well for organizations that are ethically bankrupt (but I wouldn't let the actual perpetrators off the hook because of this).

  
  
• [9] michael o'malley from new haven, ct September 30, 2008 - 01:54PM

  Next set:

  Ken: We expressly limit the analogy between organizations and family in the book for reasons you voice. We actually devote considerable attention to the importance of authenticity (or sincerity) and are very harsh on those who pander.In addition to sincerity, we discuss five other attributes of kind leaders: compassion, integrity, gratitude, humility and humor.

  Sara: Authors and co-authors don't always agree. I have looked and looked at the literature on gender differences and leadership, and the conclusion over and over again is that there are very few. So, there doesn't seem to be any difference, male or female, regarding what makes a leader effective. Alice Isen has written several reviews on the subject.

  Lillym: Two things. First, supervisors often inherit problems which makes their work all the more difficult. That is, the culture already has formed a particular way, for example, making cynicism rampant. So, it will take time to break bad habits, particularly if you have a boss that won't intervene and be more demanding. The fix, however, will start at the front door -- you have to start hiring better if you are experiencing the kinds of people you describe. We profile several companies in our book and you wouldn't believe how long it takes and how carefully they select new employees.

  
  
• [10] michael o'malley from new haven, ct September 30, 2008 - 01:54PM

  Last set:

  Max: Jimbo Wales the founder of Wikipedia said something interesting in an interview. He said in this day and age, an employer has to treat everyone as if they are volunteers. This is a healthy orientation since it implies that every relationship exists because there is something rewarding in it for all parties. Even if people are constrained to work at a given job by life's circumstances, it would be desirable, nonetheless, for managers to regard the relationship as one of privilege.

  Thank you for your comments.

  Mike

  
  
• [11] jenl from manhattan September 30, 2008 - 09:16PM

  I heard the show earlier today but didn't have a chance to call in and rant. Toward the end of the show, one of the guests made the comment that in the workplace kind behavior by women has a "motherly" quality. This has got to be one of the most sexist and offensive statements I've heard in a while.

  I was a corporate lawyer for many years and I have worked at a big company as well for many years after that. I know from firsthand experience that women and men are not permitted to the same lattitude in conducting themselves in a plain businesslike fashion. Women have to be softer, more charming, blah blah. A man can say something and everyone will nod in agreement that he is on top of the ball, but if a woman says exactly the same thing with the same manner, everyone will think she is a bitch.

  This is the unfortunate reality, which is really a disadvantage for many talented women. It is therefore completely shocking to hear that women being kind in the workplace is equated with them being "motherly." You have got to be kidding me.

  
  
• [12] michael omalley from new haven, ct October 01, 2008 - 10:59AM

  jeni -- There are still very real pay and mobility issues regarding gender. Companies that value talent, however, don't let one's gender stand in the way of progress -- the best person gets ahead. Also, as I mention in an earlier note, there has been a lot of research on gender differences and leadership style and effectiveness -- and review after review shows that what makes people effective leaders are traceable to the same attributes, and males and females possess them equally.

  Mike