On Demand
Transracial Adoption
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Margaret Fleming, director and child welfare supervisor at Adoption-Link, to discuss a new report that shows that "colorblind" adoption may not be helpful.
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Comments
what is it race... are we not humans... or do you see white as color or just mentality...
learn from the sciences; race is a myth...
how is this any different from having interracial parents? one parent will inevitably have "less" physically in common with the child- i dont see why color should make any difference.
How is she paying for all these kids?
Are they on welfare?
The answer to your question is that the federal "color-blind" adoption law is for the benefit of white families who can't get a healthy white child & are willing to settle for a healthy black one. No one speaks for the interests of the children, either black or white.
Now you can move on to another topic.
scnex
what about culture??
I grew up in a family with ten children, eight adopted, seven Asian and African American. The key is not to be colorblind but to celebrate the heritage, culture and traditions of respective cultures. Some of my siblings took more to respective backgrounds than others, others did not, but all grew up feeling loved and empowered as a result.
Kids cost money!!
Katie
she's a brave woman doing an important thing. i don't mind helping her with my taxes. do you?
I don't have the hard numbers. I recall reading somewhere that there are substantially more children of color needing adoptive parents than caucasian children. Nevertheless, this proposed legislation is only being reported as white parents / black child. Are there any provisions about black parents trying to adopt a white child?
It is not fair to children to put them in a constantly stressful situation of not having enough money!!
it can be overcome, but it has to be acknowledged first. u can't act like the differences don't exist. no one is colorblind.
#8 you bet I mind helping her with taxes!!
I am not supporting other people's irresponsibilities when I myself am under employed and being responsible not having kids so that I am not on welfare and making the government pay for me.
Let's not discount love. Love and a willingness to be aware is more than many natural kids get. I'm biracial, shunned by the side of my family that I most ressemble, I was raised by the white side of my family that negotiated the difficulties of my not fitting in exactly with them or the neighborhood we grew up in. True, my mother didn't know what to do with my hair in the beginning, but as a family, we figured it out. Love is what matters most.
Ok, I know this will sound incredible naive, but if a child’s biggest woe from being adopted trans-racially is hair (which is the first thing usually pointed to, and only in the case of Black/White adoption), then you’ve a pretty good life. Yes, there is the staring, blatant racism, and many other things... but don't deny children a loving home.
I never see African American parents with adopted white children. I would be curious to know why this is. I see that as being a touchy scenerio.
People STILL stare at mixed families?
WHY?!!!
Katie #12
Did the woman say she was on welfare? Calm down! This segment isn't about you and your money.
Um, Katie... who do you think pays to feed and clothe children waiting to be adopted or in foster care?
I hear many adoptive parents say "race doesn't matter, we love our child no matter what race he/she is". That might be fine while you are in your house but the minute you step outside your door, race DOES matter to anybody and everybody more then we think.
I am embarrassed to say that not until I brought my daughter home from China did I realize just what a big deal race still is in America.
Since we came home I have made it my mission to educate myself about the issues that my daughter will face and we will deal with them together as a family. I work hard to change what I can to make the world an easier place for her to exist in.
the education of your lexicon needs to be better defined humans are humans - culture is culture... it is a missrepresentation of the facts...
Okay,
Then I will have 10 kids and your taxes are going to pay for them because I am going on welfare!
Leigh--I have much admiration and respect for you. Peace and blessings...
It's not just hair and staring, it's IDENTITY as a whole. And that's a big issue.
This is a very slippery slope. I'd hate to see a family that would work well, be denied because someone thinks that the people don't match based on their appearance.
I was raised by a white mother and black stepfather through the 1980s. I have a sister and a bi-racial half brother who, as far as I'm concerned, is my brother.
Our family faced a lot of challenges although my parents worked very hard to minimize any negative reactions by carefully choosing who we interacted with. Still, they were not able to shield us from every bad reaction and there were some very nasty comments, especially from kids at school.
The scariest was when my stepfather was driving me home from college and we were nearly run off the road. My stepfather was suspicious that it was race-related (he was born in Georgia in 1924), but I wasn't until we drove further up the road. The car that nearly hit us several times was flipped over and a black family was standing outside their car on the side of the road.
I love my family dearly and I feel that having diversity in my family has made me a better person.
Katie
she's raising adopted kids. think of it as cheaper than prison, if that helps you.
I do not agree with transracial adoption. I think it is confusing for the child. We are too underdeveloped in this country to transcend our racial issues.
Wish I could get through on the phone to let you and your callers know that whites, including jews, italians, hispanics as well other races have issues with unruly hair. Let's get beyond this ignorant hair statement.
My father is African and my mother is a white American. Similar to an adopted black child with white parents, I didn't have any African-American cultural references to draw from at home since neither of my parents was African-American. I was very confused about my racial identity and was teased about not being "black enough" by some of my black classmates.
I can't imagine what it must be like for children dealing with racial issues and in addition to any issues they may have about being adopted.
tangentially related: I know in Florida, it is illegal for homosexuals to adopt a child. I wonder how many other states have a similar law.
As with restrictions on trans-racial adoption, I think this law is equally stupid.
David!
i guess in Florida love is just not good enough.
that hair comment was extremely flippant. i am not against multi-racial adoption but i do believe the parents have a responsibility to prepare their children to deal with racism. wherever white adoptive parents do their best to do this, i commend them. deciding to exist in a colorblind fantasy is irresponsible to children of any race, even white children. we live in a world where race matters and that doesn't go away by feigning blindness.
hjs, it's the humidity. (Weren't you just a bit crankier yesterday a.m. than today? Be honest.)
and...
hair is a big deal for black women, in particular. we spend an inordinate amount of energy on it. it is not only something to deal with but a way in which black women connect to each other. you can take black women from any walk of life, put them in the same room, and i will bet that 8 out of 10 times the conversation will begin at hair. its the way we affirm one another in the face of a western standard of beauty that doesn't deem us attractive enough. so as a black teenager trying to develop a positive self-image, hair is a big deal.
The hair comments serve as a tangible example of the identity issue. We got it. Any one that doesn't support inter-racial adoption should visit a home where the children are not adopted. Trust me, being in a loving family willing to face life with you, is a lot better than being a foster care facility where you are fending for yourself. Navigating identity is difficult, but it's easier than wondering why nobody loves you.
hjs, what about culture? It's not biologically determined and there's no intrinsic imperative for black people to be "black" (the previous two uses of "black" each meaning something different) any more than there is for white people to be "white." The problem isn't with mixed-race whatever but with the idea that there's any "thing" being mixed in the first place and that some adopted African or African American child is somehow being deprived of something or, worse (and I think this is often the logical extension of such fears), that some kind of natural law is being perverted when someone with certain biological features is being raised in a cultural context that doesn't jibe with the common correlations. This goes for conservative whites worrying about the future of "their" culture in the wake of the specter of polluting immigration.
David!
i'll just say i hate humidity.
No one has the right to have 15 kids and expect the public system to pay for it.
Katie
who should adopt these kids?
or do you want them in some sort of charles dickens hellish home for orphans until they are old enough for prison.
sometimes i think u people say these things to make me crazy (crazier)
for me, the argument is not whether the children should be placed in an interracial home. but lets not assume that they should be happy with whatever they get (example... a home is a home). i would argue that given the difficult circumstances they've lived in, the quality of the home is even more important. included in that quality should be how the family will prepare the child to face the rest of the world.
I would add that hair is a big deal for most women. Many black hair types require a lot more attention than white hair types. If you have a parent that doesn't know how to "deal" with your hair (like my mom) it's just another thing to feel self conscious about when you're going through that phase in life in which you feel self conscious about everything.
Hair plays to self-esteem and self-image. It's not a trivial thing. And a child may say "Mom, why can't you do my hair?" when she's really thinking "Mom, why are we so different?"
Adopt them but only if you can pay for it. Why should a child grow up in poverty where there isn't enough money and they just "get by." Kids need love but they also need clothes, food, lessons, vacations.
Someone who can afford them should adopt them.
and pass out more condoms and make birth control free. I bet a lot of people don't get the birth control because certain religions tell them not to use it and it costs money which the poverty stricken don't have and can't get access to birth control so they have 15 kids.
I love your show Brian, but I was a little disappointed it this segment today. I think you treated this subject a little lighter than you should have. By the end of it, it seemed that if a parent learns how to do ethnic hair everything will be ok. You didn't have anyone on to speak about the higher suicide rates among these children or the difficulties they face adjusting culturally in adolescence and adulthood. A 7 year old black child in a white home is very different than a 17 year old.
I think the law against taking race into question is naive and I have to wonder if it would have ever come about if more minorities were adopting white children.
I would love to live in a place where 'race' didn't matter, but until we get there I think it should somehow be factored into placing a child in new home. However, it should never outweigh safety or result in a child living in a group home until adulthood.
Bill #33 has got it, I think. We live inside of a racial system based on phenotype (aapearance). If you can't pass for white, then then there is no "opt-out" option. When we say bi-racial, we probably really mean mixed phenotypes. There isn't a common american term for mixed cultures that doesn't fall back on race.
Who cares what race the child is?
Why isn't economics considered!!
We live in a culturally diverse society. Do you want to go back to the 30s and 40s when it was okay to pick on gays, fat people and some for being black or hispanic?
38--Denice, not only is hair an important element to women, but it is to men as well. Don't think a day goes by that, at least for a brief moment, I don't wish I had back the hair I've lost.
The hair industry runs in the billions.
Soulmariposa, I don't know about you and your circle of friends, but I am in a book club with a group of more than 10 sisters, we meet once a month and we hardly ever talk about hair. Maybe twice out of 2007 did we talk about hair and none so far this year. There is too much else going on in the world!! and yes I am Black. I am familiar with the two step process it takes to achieve most black hairstyles. A non-black cannot always relate, but I still say get beyond that, it should not be a "trait" that continues to identifies Black people. They have latched enough negative identifiers to us without us doing it to ourselves.
Katie #42, Economics wasn't mentioned, but I think it's safe to say that economics has always been a big factor in determining suitability to adopt. There's no issue here. Right? Or are you looking for a sparring partner?
bill
my only point would be that we live in a nation with several cultures. the black culture and the white culture have differences. so if someone looks "black" white americans and black american will treat that person differently. I'm not endorsing this but it seems to be that way. so a black child might be more comfortable in a black family BUT clearly if there is no loving black family for available to them any loving family would be better than no family.
hjs,
you are right on that point. I know of many people whom being closed doors carry on about black and white couples getting married and mixing or adopting children of another race. There is still a lot of racism on both sides towards each other and many people anatagonize each other and don't help race relations any.
People on both sides of the fence do things to provoke problems. Anyone can hate another race.
Why do you ask #45?
David!
don't be so vane!
the truth...
you misunderstand. i haven't argued that it is a trait. nor, am i sitting with every conversation of my friends and all we talk about is hair. i am simply arguing, as someone who is a youth worker and works with primarily black girls, hair is a big part of self-image. i find this to also be true for adult women. you obviously disagree. but i would hope that you are fully understanding my point before disagreeing.
i don't think transracial adoptive parents need to be sitting in hair classes (although it would be nice) but i don't think it can be dismissed easily either.
hjs, it's only vanity when one fixates. I don't even buy Rogaine. It is what it is--or rather, was. ;-)
David!
i feel ur pain
hey, at least i'm less inclined to have a "bad hair day", even when the humidity is up.
Katie 47
i don't care about who mixes with whom. i just want everybody to be happy!
First thing: I’m a Black male with Black parents
Second: With all of the racism out there, for the primary anecdote time and time again to be “you don’t know how to do my hair” makes issues against trans-racial adoption out to be rather silly.
Third: let’s be absolutely clear about what we’re talking about but not willing to say; Black Americans have a problem with non-Black (white) Americans adopting Black children
One of the biggest real complaints I have heard about from non-Black parents who adopt Black children is that, for the first time in their lives, they feel the effects of racism. I am not sure what people mean when they say this is a “cultural” issue. Do you mean styling kinky hair? Do you mean music? Do you mean dressing in a dashiki, pumping a Black Power fist, and spending your kinder-years deciding which HBSU to attend? Yes, adoptive parents will first, have to prepare themselves for the racism they will face, and then do the same for their children which will not be an easy task, but not an impossible one. Life will not be all butterflies and lollypops, but If I hear one more person seemingly putting hair over food, clothing, shelter, safety and love, I don’t know what I’ll do.
Even me, a Black male with Black parents… I’ve been accused of not being Black enough. So tell me, what kind of culture do you think these children need?
I'm not turning a blind eye to cultural differences and how they're associated with superficial "racial" differences, I'm saying those associations are exactly the problem: "black" and "white" as racial designations (with no real scientific legitimacy) and "black" and "white" as cultural designations (with more slippage and over-lapping than the terms themselves admit) are too often seen as naming the same thing. The fallacy (equivocation) in the above instance encourages the worst kind of essentialism very much, in my opinion, underwritten by multiculturalism. Multiple cultures are just fine as a *descriptive* fact, but culturalisms of all stripes are *prescriptive* and as such deeply conservative, and its from such assumptions that objections to "mixing races" proceed: "You are black, this is your culture. You are white, this is your culture." Everything pre-determined for everyone and everyone in their place. Even the kinds of discourse around identity heard time and again on this show has people "discovering" things about themselves. How we are is finished quantity within us waiting only to be "found" rather than to be made. Recognizing that this is how things are and balking at interracial marriage or adoption or whatever to spare one's self or another the discomfort they'll experience at the hands of their peers only affirms the state of things. Race is a function of racism, not the other way around. We'll never get over the latter until we wake up from the former.
55--thank you
I’ve just finished some of the comments after the one I responded to and all I have to say is this: Step away from the heartache felt from your mother’s inability to do your hair (ok, I admit I can’t commiserate with you because I buzz mine’s off with clippers) for a moment and realize that your mother loves you, your mother chose you, and I’m sure your mother thinks you’re beautiful. I’m not saying realizing you and your mother can’t share certain beauty tips won’t be easy, what I’m saying is any mother worth her salt will do anything in her power to show you how beautiful you are and do what it takes. If mother can’t do it for you, mother takes you somewhere with people who can. Overlooking that kind of love, something possibly taken for granted with Black mother with Black daughters, discredits what all adoptive parents do. If anything, when a white mother adopts a Black daughter… especially with the history this country has had and continues to have… It say, we’re different, we’re equal, and that’s ok.
bill 56
my reply is to quote voter 55 "Even me, a Black male with Black parents… I’ve been accused of not being Black enough."
that's the way it is. i can't change the whole world with one posting.
hjs,
Didn't mean that to read as directed at you.
bill
sorry i didn't know this a was private board :)
hjs
Everyone will never be happy. Impossible goal. Stop trying to drive yourself crazy. There will always be two opposite ends of the spectrum.
k
that's the difference between you and me. i can dream.
Katie, Katie, Katie!
Dear Katie, I’m having a hard time figuring out at what or whom you are angry. I’m no expert on adoption, but I thought children waiting to be adopted are typically supported by the state (your tax dollars) and no adoption agency in this country would place a child in a home where the only means of supporting that child is welfare. Even foster parents receive a check from the government, so adoption is ideal. Also, adoption isn’t cheap, especially in America. Why do you think so many American parents go outside the country to adopt?
You also seem to think discrimination against homosexuals, Blacks, Hispanics, and overweight people is a thing of the past?!?!? 70-80 years ago?!? I think the number of insults hurled against all of the above in the last 70-80 seconds would blow your mind.
And hey, the world isn’t perfect, but if we don’t come together to try to solve our problems, then what do you expect.
Soulmariposa,
I do understand and I do believe as a mother, aunt, sister and daughter that I have, we have the same concerns for our children. Voter has said everything I meant to try to express in post 55. I don't want to skim over the "hair" it is our crowning glory, it is a metaphor and a testament to the strength of our people, I would never make light of that. Bottom line children need safe loving homes.
LYLAS, and see you on another issue.
Voter,
You certainly have good points. See you on another issue.
This thread is closed.
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