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We rented a rehearsal space for my band in Manhattan. One January the heater broke and after a month of begging for it to be fixed, the owner said: "It will be Spring soon."
-J.F.

It's time to move when your roommate:
-starts a feral cat rescue program that terrorizes you and your fellow highly allergic roommate.
- is found passed out IN the fridge, with all YOUR food on the floor around her.
- cuts internet and cable wires to your room, and then calls the police when you try to retrieve the cable box (billed in YOUR NAME) from her room
- is found sleeping off the effects of too much Special K in the basement, wrapped in a carpet
- is found in lounging in your bedroom, in your clothes, reading your journal
- saves a frozen cockroach in the fridge for a school project
- starts throwing out (YOUR) dishes rather than wash them.
- not realizing you are home sick, locks you IN your bedroom because she is afraid someone will enter the apt. via your fire escape window, and rape her.
- gets her real estate license and sells enough coke to afford the down payment, buys your building and KICKS YOU OUT!!!!
I may now live in the ghetto, but at least I live alone...
-J.

In addition to the normal gamut of horrendous apartment issues (cockroaches, mice, peeling paint, etc), I think I had a unique experience that put my old East Village apt on a whole new level of horror. Towards the end of my lease, the management company began to show my apartment to prospective tenants as I had decided not to renew my lease. Not only did they not hold to those specified hours, often resulting in the super opening my door while I was standing in the kitchen in a bath towel, but I came home more than once to find the super's unstable Albanian cousin watching television on my couch! His explanation? "I didn't think you would be home." Talk about creepy.
-G.D.

I had an artist friend who once lived above Max's Kansas City and below a dance group. He had no trouble with Max's since his own schedule meant that they were closed when he was sleeping, but he and his wife had to move when the dance group toured Spain and returned with a Flamenco dancer. The dancers all started studying Flamenco and the thumping on the ceiling became intolerable.
-J.K.

When living in Hoboken years ago, we lived on the top floor of a huge old mansion it was part owned by one of the city tax lawyers. The heat and hot water were always failing because of years of jerry-rigged systems and old pipes. One winter the oil line to the hot water heater froze. So, the owners, rather than unfreezing the line, placed a 55 gallon drum of fuel oil in the alley outside the basement window and ran a copper pipe in and down to the hot water heater. Oil dripped down via capillary action, feeding the flame. However, it didn't all combust and thus sent fumes and smoke up through the old elevator shaft and set off the all the hallway smoke alarms at 5AM. The fire dept. came and they went down into the basement and were stunned to find the rig on the hot water heater. When told who owned the building, they looked at each other and gave a sigh, and quietly left. We moved out to Hunterdon County a couple years later. Hoboken...
-D.G.

We moved into a great apartment in Hudson Heights. On our first night, we heard rather pleasant piano playing from upstairs. At first we were relieved: the player was talented and at least it wasn't a loud stereo. But then he played for hours and hours, every day, hours and hours. We lived with constant piano music in the background. We tried to negotiate a number of hours and at first he agreed. Then he said he hired a lawyer that said he could play as long as he wanted. We complained to the landlord who actually supported us. They required him to put down carpeting (required by his lease) but it didn't make a difference. The whole situation escalated and finally the landlord let us out of the lease, I think to get rid of us (we were complaining so much). We moved in with family for the suburbs and decided not to return to NYC. We also vowed never to live underneath someone again and have only lived on the top floor of apartments in the suburbs. It has been much better!
-D.H.

I used to cat and house sit for a woman who lived in an illegal sublet. Her neighbors were being paid by the landlord to terrorize her to get her out. The whole thing went so far that the police were called in and eventually sorted it out.
-N.D.K.

The People Upstairs by Ogden Nash
The people upstairs all practice ballet, Their living room is a bowling alley
In order to get their parties to mix, they supply their guests with pogo sticks,
And when at last the party abates, they go to the bathroom on roller skates.
I would love the people upstairs wondrous if instead of over us they just lived und'rus
-submitted by P.B.C.

I lived with two Italian girls who basically came as the guests of the person I was subletting from, were supposed to leave after one month, and obstinately stayed, hoping I'd leave and they'd take over -- they'd lock the door all weekend (their bedroom unfortunately led to the only kitchen), so I'd have to eat out. Even worse, they watched Sex and the City all day and all night whenever they were home! They brought cockroaches with their filth, so I had to hire an exterminator on top of the building's exterminator. I had photocopied their passports, and found out who their (illegal) employers were, and was on the verge of denouncing them to the INS (I had the number and the website for anonymous reports) -- that's how evil they made me feel!!! Finally, I think they saw I was up to something, and left.
-C.J.

For the first two and half years in our new co-op, we had an upstairs neighbor who was a housebound invalid with a walker and a chronic insomniac. Every night in the wee hours I'd be awakened by the thump, thump, thumping sound. Problem was, she was also the sweetest, kindest person with whom it was impossible to be angry. We could do nothing but live with it until she finally moved out into assisted living.
-J.G.

We had a series of disasters as a result of renovations on our neighboring apartment. They cracked our living room walls sending debris onto our dog and knocking over our CD rack shattering many of the cases. They punched two holes into our kitchen wall, constantly turned our water off with no warning, and cracked all of our walls in the kitchen sending debris onto our dishes, pots and pans. We tried talking to the workers, but none of them spoke English. After photos and video of the encroaching demolition and weeks worth of complaints we did manage to secure a half-month rent reduction from management, so in the end it was ok... although I asked for a full month since that was the duration of the problems.
-J.D.H.

A woman in our building constantly allowed her old dog to urinate in the entrance hall or just outside the front door. Despite constant requests, including from the building management, she refused to do anything about it. After two years the problem was finally solved: the dog died !!
-J.P.