Can Big Brother build a strong home life?
Monday, January 23, 2006 - 02:59 PM
After today’s segment on Children and the Internet with Web Wise Kids, we noticed an interesting break down in the listener comments. The call in population, by and large, was talking monitoring techniques, while the email listeners were more likely to balk at the idea of watching children’s internet use. Here’s a sample of the web user response.
Subject: Everyone Calm Down!
I am a huge fan of the show, but today's treatment of kids and the internet was so hysterical, I thought I might be listening to FOX radio!
I am an educator, and work with teenagers and have a huge concern about their protection -in cyber world or otherwise. At the program where I work, we struggle with whether or not kids should be allowed on myspace, and sconex and the rest (we have a VERY powerful, almost annoyingly so, filter on your organizational internet access - for kids and adults!). Yet this idea that all kids are out there, eagerly looking for porn and suicide and anorexia instructions is so ridiculous. Yes, kids make lots of mistakes and can wind up in trouble without adequate supervision, and bad parenting abounds. Yet, your guest's tone was so extreme as to vilify kids, and seemed to endorse some sort of McCarthy-esque surveillance of teens. Why not equally vehement advice to get close to your kids, make sure they have other adults to talk to and confide in, make your home a safe space for their friends, let them have boy/girlfriends who you meet and know, talk to them about sex and protection and values, ENGAGE, so that they can make smart decisions for themselves - whether online, on the subway, on a date, at school, WHEREVER they are.
Hyper-monitoring a teen's every move- online, or on the phone, or in the world -is the last way to protect them, and the quickest way to alienate them. Next time, please include some different caller voices, and some of young people, in this debate. Your show is normally such a great forum for young people to engage in multigenerational debate - a great "expert" might have been your son, or another teen! I know this issue is scary for parents, but they might be heartened to hear from some tech-savvy, responsible teens who know how NOT to get caught in the internet's garbage.
Thanks, as always, for a great, thought-provoking show!
--KK
Subject: Parenting isn't easy
I think that your guests are on the wrong track. Policing never works with kids; they're too smart, and the culture is too pervasive. What are you going to do, search their bags every night to see if, in addition to marijuana, they have a cell phone with a camera? A 16 year old has his own money, and phones are cheap.
Our son is not perfect, and has given us plenty of headaches, but I firmly believe that the way to keep kids out of trouble -- if you can -- is to make points about common sense and responsible behavior at every possible opportunity, rather than wait for some really terrible thing to happen. You want a sensible child, because a sensible child will not be as susceptible as a silly one. Basically, your goal is not to keep him away from web cameras, but to make him savvy about risks. This takes trial and error: with our seventeen year old, we have found that pointing out that a pregnant girlfriend may mean 18 years of child support (and it's her choice, not his) may have been a more effective method of advocating birth control than would have been discussions about AIDS and herpes, which he has heard about ad infinitum at school.
Also, when he was ticketed in November for carrying an open beer can in public -- he is not allowed to drink, was supposed to be at a movie -- we put him through a court appearance, etc. (he got an ACD), rather than merely arrange for a dismissal through our attorney, as did his friend's father (don't ask!). He was also grounded for a month -- for drinking and lying about where he was going --including over the holidays. He'll have no criminal record, but there were consequences.
All this may yet fail, but you can't defeat technology: you must focus on the kid.
--RT
Subject: Let Kids be Kids!...
Maybe it is time to [re]evaluate kids’ se*uality rather than simply use software to keep ‘em out of something that is gone happen no matter what if the kid is precocious! Have grownups completely denied what they went through in their teens or even earlier? Kids are more than personal property or little peons who can be ordered to do this and not that for the first 18 years of their life.
--SS
Subject: ...Because They Will Anyway
This wasn't touched on during today's show, and it's not surprising, but why are the very different issues of children setting up porn sites with webcams in their bedrooms and children being able to access porn being conflated? Both are ultimately about parenting, but isn't yesterday's Playboy under the mattress today's SuicideGirls.com bookmark? Raging hormones and curiosity and illegal exhibitionism are totally different issues. The real problem is parents being so removed from their childrens' lives and technological know-how.
--JT
Subject: Free the IT 11!
If you choose to only let your kids to use the computer on your terms, your kids are not going learn how to really use computers.
By that I mean our children need to surpass our level of computer skill.
For instance, running their computer like a prison is not going to challenge them to learn about how to program a computer..unless, of course, they want to escape your prying eyes.
In my opinion, being overly protective is going to stunt the growth of our next IT professionals. There is more to the Internet than porn.
--BJ
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