On the question of whether people in committed relationships would cheat whether Facebook was there or not, my work as a couples counselor tells me it's not so simple. Yes, there will always be those who cheat. What's different today is how much easier it is to cheat. Facebook, laptops and cellphones give those who are on the fence many more chances to slip. Pre-Facebook, people who were unhappy in their relationships, but saw cheating as too risky, didn't have as many ways to cheat, or as many ways to distract themselves from their disatisfaction with their relationship. Now more of the energy that would have gone to working out relationship problems goes to finding new (often former) partners. The online world provides an immediately gratifying, socially sanctioned, easy out, one that fills my office with people who discovered their partner was cheating on Facebook.

P.S. Given the previous weeks interactions, I couldn't help but send two more email messages to my first love. The first was a 'heads up' that the program was 'on-air' yesterday (when it was); and its URL. And, the second was the more articulated info regarding this Wiki, and a short note, to the effect that I wasn't able to resist forwarding the message(s) because THEY WERE JUST TOO CLOSE TO HOME!!!

Better than 'House' or 'Lie To Me'! Also, it's what happens on the East Coast, with the likes of 'Letterman' and/or Stern all the time ;^)

Cheers,
Doug

re: "Facebook vs Marriage"

Facebook.

If people are going to cheat they will cheat regardless of Facebook. I had a college professor chasing after me for sexual relations and we were never on facebook, I unfortunately did get drawn into his mind games and sick powertrip and it did a lot of damage but I have moved on and my point is that anyone can if they want to cheat find a venue, be it facebook, chat rooms, pagers, if someone wants to cheat, there are people looking to and will willingly accomodate them if someone is secure in their marriage and themselves, they will tell them to get lost.

My question is, if someone is married why are they even interested in looking up an ex? There is a problem that is lacking in that relationship and it needs to be dealt with, don't go looking for the fairytale, it isn't there, either stay in your marriage and work on it or if you are so miserable and don't want to be with the person, then leave the marriage and move on but don't cheat.

This was just TOO CLOSE TO HOME; I was cracking up when I heard it on the air!!! I just finished a round of this with my first love last week! I am no longer marraried, and had wondered about the gal, who had been so gentle way back when. So, two weeks, or so ago, I too, forewent 'The Facebook Act'. I managed to become reacquinted with her, and we chatted for a couple of days. I forward a brief summary of the past 30 years, but her husband had been 'easdropping' on her email account! Well, I got an email back, with a comment to the effect that she had checked with here guy, and that I would not be added as a friend to her FB account, and THAT I SHOULD NO LONGER CONTACT HER, EVER AGAIN!!!
I thought about the response for a day, or so, figured that it would be OK to send one last contact, which said something like it was real, wishing you a wonderful life, later. As luck would have it, due to these communication, she found out, that her hubby had been violating her privacy by the reading her email, and she was not happy, and I was able to chat for a bit longer. I was very apprehensive, as I did not want to responsible for getting her into any sort of marraital trouble. But, she still could feel a bond between us, and felt it necessary to find out exactly what it was.

We related the still heart felt mutual bond, during the week. However, the phone bill also arrived during the week, and her 'Bo is the nervous type. He interogated it, and came across abhorantly long connections to the same place (several calls), and he confronted her about them. Again, she was not happy, nor was he! Needless to say, we both recognized that continued behavior would be conterproductive, so we figured out that it was necessary to drop the interaction. Wow, awesome tool!!!!

This was just TOO CLOSE TO HOME; I was cracking up when I heard it on the air!!! I just finished a round of this with my first love last week! I am no longer marraried, and had wondered about the gal, who had been so gentle way back when. So, two weeks, or so ago, I too, forewent 'The Facebook Act'. I managed to become reacquinted with her, and we chatted for a couple of days. I forward a brief summary of the past 30 years, but her husband had been 'easdropping' on her email account! Well, I got an email back, with a comment to the effect that she had checked with here guy, and that I would not be added as a friend to her FB account, and THAT I SHOULD NO LONGER CONTACT HER, EVER AGAIN!!!
I thought about the response for a day, or so, figured that it would be OK to send one last contact, which said something like it was real, wishing you a wonderful life, later. As luck would have it, due to these communication, she found out, that her hubby had been violating her privacy by the reading her email, and she was not happy, and I was able to chat for a bit longer. I was very apprehensive, as I did not want to responsible for getting her into any sort of marraital trouble. But, she still could feel a bond between us, and felt it necessary to find out exactly what it was.

We related the still heart felt mutual bond, during the week. However, the phone bill also arrived during the week, and her 'Bo is the nervous type. He interogated it, and came across abhorantly long connections to the same place (several calls), and he confronted her about them. Again, she was not happy, nor was he! Needless to say, we both recognized that continued behavior would be conterproductive, so we figured out that it was necessary to drop the interaction. Wow, awesome tool!!!!

To all of you marriage-afraid commenters: YES, there are many happy marriages out there! I count myself and my husband as one (very happily married for 16 years so far). Many of my friends are also happily married and still love and LIKE their spouses. Sure, there are some terrible marriages out there but there are plenty of happy ones too!

I can really identify with the single male caller in his 40s who is connecting with old friends from 20-some years ago and finding most marrieds complaining about the quality of their marriages, and effectively talking to him while looking for Mr Goodbar.

I'm about the same age, and a single woman, but I've run into the same thing, and am slowly coming to the same conclusion: Are there ANY happy marriages out there?

Seems to me like married = miserable. I'm just sayin'.

what % of americans use the face book?

How delusional are people? They can tell themselves that not only are they just "re-connecting" with old friends, but also that ex-boyfriend/girlfriend wants to meet up just for drinks or to catch up.

My wife and I are both on facebook, and both have exes on our friends list. Neither of us has any reason to distrust the other - we in fact share some of the more amusing messages between us and former boyfriends/girlfriends. Bottom line, if you're secure in your marriage and trust your spouse, facebook is no threat.

I hope Tiger is careful with his new Twitter feed.

Like so much of modern technology, Facebook has greatly contributed to the infantilization of adults; given this fact, it should come as no surprise that our friendships and intimate relationships would be reduced to the level of junior high school students. This is not, as many people like to claim, a problem only with teenagers (who, frankly, find it undignified to see their parents and elders on FB), but with our population as a whole. Baby boomers seem particularly fascinated with this technology which feeds both their legendary narcissism and obsession with staying young. This desperation that drives much of the FB craze is undignified, but more importantly, the political ramifications of reducing everyone to the emotional level of a 14 year old have been absolutely devastating to our nation.

I know people that are untrusting of their spouse when it comes to emails and social media. I can't be bothered with that level of distrust to my husband. If it burns me in the future, then so be it; but, I am not going to put the energy into spying on my husband. I am just going to assume that he isn't involved with anybody outside the marriage. It's just too stressful to my way of thinking to get to that level of in having to look at somebody's life.

Blaming Facebook is a lot like blaming the work place, a party or any other place where people meet and carry on with affairs. The fact that they are getting caught on FB is just another means of finding that odd receipt.

I had no idea my ex-husband was cheating until I used his computer after he'd left his facebook account open and I saw incriminating messages. I have three female and one male friends who are now divorced after uncovering infidelity through facebook. It's so common it's almost a joke!

Social media has affected my marriage not one wit. My husband of 18 years and I have no facebook, twitter or any other nonsense account. We communicate the old-fashioned way...we actually talk to each other and to our friends and family....

The "pastor" in New Jersey also had a habit of three-way and four-way sexual encounters with his wife and assistants from his "church."

The lesson being, don't blame technology for infidelity.

Go back and look at the old episodes of the tv show "Cheaters" to see bewildered wives and girlfriends complaining that their mates had a secret beeper (!).

if marriage is making a huge promise in front of everyone you care about, then isn't flirting on facebook about the exact opposite?

bl
AGAIN with facebook, are they paying the bills over there or what!

Delete your facebook account and give your password to your spouse???!!!???

How about: just don't cheat, even in the face of temptation?

if for nothing else being married enabled one to have two health insurance options.

I wonder what Brian's girlfriend thinks of his theory.

The only 'real' couples I know are my gay friends.

It now takes the average American moron 17+ years to fully outgrow junior high school.

this article is about the new facebook feature that allows non-friends to spy on you:
http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,2032030,00.html?xid=rss-mostpopular

A friend of mine went through rough divorce proceedings in which facebook played a role. The judge issued a restraining order for both parties (working around custody of their children) and deemed facebook to be part of the realm of contact forbidden between my friend and his ex-wife. This included commenting on anything posted by a mutual friend. If the other side construed the comment in anyway to be negative about them, they could declare it a violation of the restraining order.

He did his best to comply. She, on the other hand, outright baited him and his friends by declaring on facebook that any and all mutual friends will show which side they were on by either keeping her as a friend on facebook or dropping her. She deliberately kept her profile photo as one of the two of them together well after they were divorced. Then when she finally changed her photo to one of her partying, she made a big display of doing so on facebook, including making disparaging remarks about my friend.

By that time, she had abandoned their children with him and showed no inclination towards playing a role in their lives so my friend chose not to pursue any sort of action based on a clear violation of the restraining order.
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Meanwhile, my ex-girlfriend divorced her husband five years ago but joined facebook with his last name (not her maiden) a year or two after that, and has never changed it even after her relationship with me or with her current boyfriend of 3 years. Hmmm....