wnyc.org / 93.9fm / am 820

The issues of courtesy, respect, and maintaining social norms online are not new. I've been chatting/emailing/interacting online in one way or another since 1985. My older and geekier friends have been communicating since before that (look for information on the WELL, and MUDDs and you'll see what I mean).

Overall, I'd say that what we have now online is the equivalent of a busy city - people are constantly forming temporary enclaves for exchanging ideas. Norms of social protocol are swept aside or abbreviated (compared to country or suburban life). The result is a sometimes hostile, sometimes quite liberating mix. If you don't like one conversation, you can leave it and join another. Most of the problems we see online are mirrors of "offline/IRL" issues.

Online conversation is still no substitute for real life interaction. Teleconferencing (where you can at least see or hear the other person) has been around for decades, but important business meetings are still conducted face-to-face, despite travel/lodging costs.

What is more difficult to stomach is when virtual life trumps real life to our detriment. I have a hard enough time concentrating on "deep focus" tasks (writing and editing) without having my Blackberry, email client, Facebook, or other online-related tool telling me that I'm not paying enough attention to them. The constant bombardment of advertising in its many forms is dispiriting (already quite a huge factor in my offline existence). And, lastly, there's nothing more rude than when someone starts checking their damn smartphone without at least saying, "I'm sorry, can you hold on a second" to me while we're in the middle of a face-to-face conversation.

I really think that on the Internet some people think they can say anything and get away with it. Not long ago, somebody posted a nasty remark about my novel Different Flags and they hadn’t even read it. The book is in favor of optional Celibacy in the Church and the critic was opposed it. So he made it sound like I had told him something I never told him. I have not (luckily) even met this person. Eugenia Renskoff

At the end of the interview, the guest started to discuss an issue that the show might want to revisit in "follow-up Friday" -- the convergence of online and real life. People seem shocked when their online misbehavior catches up with them, but I wonder why they thought it wouldn't. I'm finding that after several years of online ranting and raving behind the guise of online pseudonyms, people in my community are finally starting to feel the real-life consequences of bad online behavior & reckless or hurtful comments. Most of the local ranters' pseudonyms have been exposed by now, and their credibility has been destroyed when they try to speak out in their "real life" at city council meetings and letters to the editor. They're pulling back from the most egregious behavior and behaving a little more civilly online.

I think that, ultimately, we'll learn that even if we live in large, anonymous-seeming cities, or interact with people largely online, we'll learn that you just shouldn't say or do things that you wouldn't want your mother or prospective employer or partner to know about. It will come back to haunt you. I'm not saying that people can't live double lives -- that's as old as human nature -- but they have to understand the risk of exposure and its consequences. And while the online world seems to provide the cover of anonymity, it also provides the ability to track things down.

I do spend more time online than I think I should. I think it just comes with the territory and that the benefits outweigh the concerns. It takes a little discipline to deal with this as with other aspects of life.

Love internet interaction - direct, to the point, and I don't have to respond if I don't want too...oh yes, I can block anyone I no longer want to deal with.

I find myself being overwhelmed by the internet and the lack of discipline to get my own personal work done. Too many choices. I wonder if it has also made me too scattered and unable to concentrate and focus. I have gone as far as to unplug the internet at times.

I believe I read an article from Carnegie Mellon Universtiy that says we get depressed by too many options.

As for online dating I find that equally overwhelming too and impossible to get any idea of who the person really is, but ultimately these are icebreakers.

I find myself being overwhelmed by the internet and the lack of discipline to get my own personal work done. Too many choices. I wonder if it has also made me too scattered and unable to concentrate and focus. I have gone as far as to unplug the internet at times.

I believe I read an article from Carnegie Mellon Universtiy that says we get depressed by too many options.

As for online dating I find that equally overwhelming too and impossible to get any idea of who the person really is, but ultimately these are icebreakers.

I agree with mozo, more or less.

I find that I often more hostile online than I would be in person - I try to watch that.

Camille, I am SO sorry to hear that about Slovenia - it is one of my favorite countries to visit and I always dreamed of moving there! (sorry to be a bit off-topic)

I work online. I live offline. 'Nuff said.

We just had our first "Blackberry" vacation with our thirty something children. I hated it!!! I really resented the constant checking of email and phone calls -- felt it really gave the message that vacation -- what was happening now, was less important than what MIGHT be happening some where else.

false discussion-internet has its place of course. but how is engaging the posible problem with having too much info to process ala "shallow", have anything to do with guilt over import of web to individual. seperate issues.

This woman is scary. the only reason "on-line" life has significance is because there are real people on the other end.

Idiot.
(And I am willing to met her "IRL" to tell her to her face!)

I am an American and I went to live with my husband in Slovenia three years ago. People here are NOT friendly, I work from home, and I have had a tough time making the few friends I have. So I LIVE on the internet where I can follow the updates from and keep in touch with my friends back home in Brooklyn. Sometimes I feel like I neglect my husband by being online so much. But things are HAPPENING online. BTW, I keep WNYC going all day so I can at least hear some other voices. I would not have made it here without the internet.

I met my current boyfriend (whom I am planning on marrying) online. I am sad to say that I am still embarassed to tell people that is how we met. I find myself cringing when telling people. I don't know why- this is the digital age.