Tom Chiarella, professor of creative writing at Depauw University and writer-at-large for Esquire, discusses his recent piece, where he tried to figure out how to give a great compliment.
You always post the best comments, so why not add one now? What's the best compliment you've ever given or received? Any tips? Post here!
Comments [23]
This was a 40-year delayed compliment:
My Girl Scout troop leader was exceptional, didn't just fill a slot, but really got to know us and opened up our lives .
One example: as urban kids, many of us hadn't ever been out of the city and there was no chance our parents could pay for camp. But she somehow got us a free weekend at Camp Hudsonia in the off season and took us all out for the experience of a lifetime.
As an adult I thought of her often, realizing that when we were kids, we couldn't really appreciate all she did for us. Finally when I was 50 years old I did some research, located and called her & told her what a positive and long-term effect she'd had on our lives. She was of course surprised and delighted; we had a great conversation and ever since I've thought it's never too late for a compliment.
RE your segment on compliments:
Years ago, when my mother was in her 60's, my sister took her to a Chippendale's revue (don't ask me why). After one young man danced for her, my mother gave him his tip with the compliment, "you have beautiful teeth."
that made me smile for real; DAMN; my dad runs on the tread mill and nobody knows; oh; that's what quid pro quo means; christians are so phony; and happy; i recently started smiling again; it was completely fake and my parents thought i was going crazy; the smiles are startin to come natural; thanks to the de paw guest!
Men, compliment a woman on her voice, intellect, poise etc, purse, shoes no and looks, if she is fairly attractive or well dressed she ALREADY KNOWS!! and women have already complimented her on these things enough
It's a real turn-off when people "faun" around a person they want to impress with a compliment that might be real, but the intent is to get something from that person.
TR yes
Last Easter the woman who works in the Bergen St. 2/3 station did a great job of decorating her booth. I saw it out of the corner of my bleary morning eyes as I was about to enter the turnstile, but then took the time to walk back and tell her that she did a great job and thanks. She was clearly appreciative of the compliment and it made me feel a little bit better about that morning's grind.
it sounds like you compliment out of pity...isn't that a danger with giving this kind of attention to the under-appreciated...perhaps only YOU see them as under-appreciated...
Because it's so easy to just rattle off (seemingly) insincere complements like, say the ones your guest is encouraging, I think the best complements are actions. That is, when your boss tells you he likes what you did, it feels nice; but when he gives you more responsibility or independence, because he knows you can handle it and run things well, that feels great.
Did Letterman use this technique?
Had a bad first date with a woman last week (Superior Donuts - hated it), and walked home feeling awful. A block from my house, a young girl from out of the blue said how great I looked in my jacket. I did pay more for it than I should have. But all of a sudden, the date didn't matter all that much anymore. I was okay.
How about the art of accepting compliments?
someone once complimented me on the entirety of my personality by telling me i was a work of art.
Can this help me get girls?
My ex who is a high school teacher in NYC public schools, has asked our two girls (8 and 10) to give out 5 compliments to students and teachers on Thursdays. They focus on people they think would really appreciate it (unpopular kids, difficult teachers). They girls love giving the compliments, it makes them feel good and as well as the recepients. He started this because he is tired of seeing kids of color be so negative and hard on each other.
My friend Traci always told me that it's better to kill an opponent with kindness.
I've always thought complimenting people on their name is a bit silly, since generally the person you're complimenting didn't have any say in the matter.
everybody has something to compliment, your job as a nice and empathetic person is to find that thing
when you hear a compliment very often, and most especially about the same thing it becomes non effective! and annoying
I take most compliments as flattery... although my generation seems to having been raised with "you are special" told to them left and right.
(ps --ya havta mean it)
Like butta: "You are beautiful."
received from a potential girlfriend:
"I don't want to date you - I want to be your friend".
and I never heard from her again, which was very disappointing when my birthday came around...
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