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There seems to be a deliberate attempt to give abstract incentives "single working mothers" and destabilized the family by undermining the role of a MAN in a relationship by the new bigotry of feminism and gay activism. Sexism and Heterophobia are contributing factors as well as, promiscuity and false sense of truth and GOD-LESSNESS. Wasn't Marriage (between a MAN & WOMEN) the first institution ever established for humanity? What happened?

Given this long history of mistresses and extra-marital affairs -- some of which is quite well documented, why is is laughable for a caller to ask whether monogamy is a necessary component of a successful marriage?

At this point in history, we have a much better idea of how common many sexual practices that were (at least for a time) public condemned have been. As sexuality and marriage are so often linked -- and were linked quite explicitly by your guest -- why did you refuse to even acknowledge this issue seriously?

We have multi-ethnic marriage, multi-racial marriage, same sex marriage. We have two career families, and fathers who stay home to raise the children. Maybe successful a stable marriage requires monogamy. But isn't just possible that is a choice between two people, one that a majority process to believe in? Whether or not your or I can imagine our own marriage being anything other than monogamous, the possibility for others should not be laughed at.

I find the push for gay marriage deeply ironic.

Marriage is per se a discriminatory institution.

The institution of marriage establishes that people who are officially "partnered" through marriage are entitled to tax breaks unavailable to single people.

The institution of marriage provides these tax breaks REGARDLESS of whether or not the couple has children, (children having been the original impetus to provide tax breaks for a "household.")

Marriage by definition marks a discriminatory line between individuals who are "married" and individuals who are "single" - it places a social "taint" on single people, and especially on single women.

I think the gay community has been hijacked to support an essentially (and I mean by its very essence!) discriminatory institution.

What is interesting is that, as the women's movement was focused on white middle class women, the focus of this gay rights push is geared toward the gay middle class, who are more likely to marry in order to do what straight people also accomplish in marriage: consolidation of wealth.

A real "human rights/civil rights" push on the part of current gay leadership would focus on something that affects gay people of ALL income levels and relationship status. That push would be for an end to workplace discrimination. But THAT is not sufficiently impractical to appeal to the current (largely white, largely upper and middle class) leadership.

If you don't yet have gay marriage in your state, welcome to the club. The fight for the ERA started when I was in my teens... I shudder to think of how many decades ago THAT was.

I'm 35, not married, fairly Peter Panish, and thinking by the time it works out for me, we'll both be a little over growing out of a marriage. I think marrying young can be dangerous. I have seen this. People getting together in their 20's and struggling now.

There is the kids issue though...hmmm. I have often wondered if evolution will catch up with us and if women will START menopause in their 60's. Who knows?

Stephanie, you took the words RIGHT out of my mouth.

I'm always annoyed by people who insist that "Marriage is an outdated institution". Perhaps it is for SOME, but I also know many many marriages that are strong and healthy and functioning. It's up to the couple to define what their marriage will be, communication is the name of the game, and if they aren't on the same page then obviously, a marriage contract is not something they should bother entering into. But just because the sacrifice and compromise and unconditional support isn't for everyone doesn't mean the option shouldn't be made available to everyone.

half of all marriages end in divorce. GREAT FAMILY VALUES!!

Stephanie from Westchester. More than a partnership, marriage is a legal contract, that is why it is being discussed in the town square and not only at the pulpit. This contract has legal ways of annulling it and legal reasons for ending it. We need to start looking at marriage for what it really is, a contract that has rights, responsibilities, and implications that will affect the lives and possibly deaths of two people and their progeny.

I have SO MANY objections to this guest's assumptions about marriage...

Life doesn't HAVE to be HARD. People die, get sick, money comes, money goes, but if you have a partner, or partners, or family, or just friends who are along for the ride, it all CAN be okay...and I've lived through my share of cancer deaths, my brother being killed by a drunk driver, addiction, recovery, half my friends died of AIDs in the 90's...and I REFUSE to allow sadness to block joy.

And for that caller....Mark who very sanely stated that he would honestly discuss with his wife his desire to have another partner, I give him HUGE props!! Yay Mark!!

Listen to the language we have for this "if I wanted to STRAY", unfaithful, cheat...it's all Christian BS. Go with the pagans who were able to happily keep life partners, while practicing loving sexual pluralism.

I'm sad for the guest and some of the callers with the lens of misery through which they see something as wonderful and loving as marriage.

MAKE MARRIAGE YOUR OWN. I'm gay and frankly don't CARE what people think of my marriage. I just want my RIGHTS. I'm so glad to not have to live up to some ridiculous standard of purity which by statistics alone is shown NOT to work. sigh...wake UP.

Oh, and being a queer and wanting marriage does not mean we are still fabulously fringy, freaky and weird...what is WRONG with that caller who sees the gay community as a bunch of assimilation obsessed preppies. That's not my queer community...

My husband and I were hand-fasted for a year before our big family wedding the following summer. We got to live together and work on getting out the kinks of our new blended family. We are very happily married and looking to our 3rd anniversary. It is of utmost importance to maintain open communication and to have sex frequently to keep that strong bond and connection between a married couple.

We have occasional additional lovers in our lives, both men and women, but our rule is both of us always have to be involved. Now we are expecting our first child in September and already making plans for being with our lovers after the birth and recovery time.

Don't make fun of Mark - he had an excellent point that we need to begin to take seriously - if part of a pair feels the urge to express themselves with someone else, for Goddess sake don't be afraid of talking to your partner about your feelings - who knows maybe they would want to try it too! No more hypocritical Puritanical America! Let's get real!

It's people like that caller Mark who prove that what people don't understand is what marriage really is. It isn't a fairy tale life. It isn't a guarantee of ultimate sexual encounters. It isn't a promise to always be happy. Marriage is a partnership. It is built upon respect; shared values; commitment. That's it. You get a friend and companion for life. The rest of how you live it is up to you. If you don't want to "settle" then you've missed the point of marriage. It isn't an end goal but the start of a lot of work (and compromising). Mark is a disaster in the making. Anyone who believes that men are programmed (and thus allowed) to have sex with other people shouldn't get married. Period. Is he going to check with his kids to see how they feel about daddy sleeping around? And, will mommy be able to sleep around too? No trust = no marriage.

Not all marriages are monogamous, and I found it refreshing that the caller was planning on being realistic about his commitment and discussing extramarital contact with his wife. This is just as valid a view of marriage as the traditional, monogamous arrangement and I wish your guest had not been so dismissive.

What a horror show this guest is !!! The exact reason marriage will never work is advice from women like this one. What a horrible creature she is to tell the callers wife (mrs mark)to run . Sex with another is far far far from the worst thing spouses can do to each other.

When my wife and i were planning our wedding 3 years ago we didn't want to make too much of an event of it. But I was shocked at how many people from our parents generation, who had simple backyard weddings, kept pushing for bigger wedding packages and more extravagances.

Discuss wanting to sleep with another woman with your partner?! I don't know about his wife, but my wife is too good a shot to have that discussion.

I'm getting married in two months. We've lived together for 10 years, 3 of which in a house we purchased together. We've already lasted longer than most "actual" marriages. After all this time, tying the knot is mostly a good excuse to throw a big party and get lots of presents! Plus, we can take advantage of certain insurance and tax benefits, and better legal rights for future children and other situations. So this is mainly a legal venture for us. We've already figured out the life and love part!

Brian has the tendency to be an opportunist when talking about gay marriage, as this seems to be the point he pulls out every time--"you guys are rebels, why do you want to get married?"

Brian, we want to RIGHTS, like everyone else. Please don't make my civil liberties fodder for your conversation mill!

Wow, today is loony caller day… Being gay is all about being part of a “renegade culture” and bucking the system? Maybe caller Carole just can’t deal with men, so she wants to be a rebel. Keep your rebellion to yourself. Some people just want to be with the person they love and receive all of the legal rights and responsibilities they are paying the government for.

That's ridiculous. Many people from lavish weddings survive. It is no way an indicator of marriage's longevity

I'm gay and don't support marriage AT ALL. The ONLY reason I fight for the right for gay marriage is because as long as marriage remains a "important" an institution as it is (to those for whom it is an important institution) then it should be an option for everyone without discrimination.

NO MORE MARRIAGE!!!

What is marriage, but a promise to stay with another person for the rest of your life?

What is a promise, but a commitment to do something whether you want to or not?

If you REALLY love your partner, why would want him or her to stay with you if she or he doesn't want to?

Baby production has been outsourced. The traditional job of women as baby machine is outdated, they produce more wealth by having a job. The babies are imported through immigration.

Almost everyone I knew who is married is unhappy with the marriage.

My wife and I are both students, so we used frequent flyer miles to elope on Kauai last month... it was just the two of us and a non-religious officiant. Our families were pleasantly surprised (we'd been engaged for two years) and we spent very little money. I realize this isn't ideal for everyone, but we had a wonderful experience and are just as married as the next couple.

I got married by a judge in a backyard, with 3 witnesses. Honeymoon was spent camping.

Been happily married for 14 years.

Money and extravagant weddings are not necessary to happy marriage. Just good luck.

I think people who divorce should have as large a divorce celebration as they had a marriage celebration: $25K wedding begets $25K divorce. That's balanced!

As an Episcopal Priest I find people do not ask these questions, whereas the church does get people to ask these questions. I do marriage preparation sessions in which we talk about children, money, family, fighting fair, sex, as well as faith. It is my fear taht our society's alienation from our religious ideals has impoverished us greatly in the realm of depth of life and of wisdom.

...and I bet that 100K gets you nothing but gawdy, tacky and UGLY in north Jersey...greco-columns galore!

Why get married? This is a bad business proposition.

What is the point of marriage? What are the benefits?

I don't see any.

Easy to get into. Heartbreaking and ex-pen-sive to get out of.

If you're in love, be together. What more do you need?

Marriage should be outlawed, and children produced in factories ala "Brave New World." Marriage is an outdated, erratic and virtually dysfunctional system of child production. I think Aldous Huxley had it right. Society produce the numbers and kinds of children it needs to its specifications, and individuals should be free to indiscriminately mate without any obsolete moral restrictions that society no longer heeds anyway.

Yes but, who needs it?

The inclusion of gay marriage (not gay rights) alters the societal and religious perception of the tradition of marriage--so it may make "marriage" to seem more frivolous and less important.

I told my boyfriend I want a proposel, a ring, and a small party.. NOTHING legal. Marriage puts too much presure on the relationship. Making your own rules and not following societies rules is the only way to have a successful relationship.

And if Brian and his producers think the comment was a harmless bit of snark… it’s easy to be blasé about the rights of others.

Brian – “Gay people, do you really want to be a part of this institution?”
Whites in the 1960s – “America has issues… Blacks, do you really want to be more a part of this country?”
Men, through the vast majority of this country’s history – “ Politics is messy… Women, do you really want the vote and to be in government.”
Germany – “The motherland has issues… Jews, do you really want to be in Europe?”
Nah Brian, you’re right. You’ve messed it up enough. We don’t need it.

One of our more silly institutions, marriage.

Memories:

"The Democratic party has no room for someone who opposes gay marriage, and the Republican party has room for people who support it, and that's why we're in Iraq."

Caitlin Flanagan
The Brian Lehrer Show, WNYC
April 20, 2006

Senator Ensign is from Nevada, not New Mexico.