wnyc.org / 93.9fm / am 820

I am Chinese American, first generation. I am both troubled and happy about the adoption of Chinese girls.

First and foremost, happy they are cared for and loved. Love is the key ingredient for a healthy ego. They are incredibly lucky to be here than left in orphanages in China. This is more important than learning a word of Chinese.

Second, troubled as they WILL be missing a part of their culture, even with adopted parents doing all they can. Asians who grew up in their home countries, have an deep sense of their culture and history. They usually do not burn at every ethnic slight, because they simply do not give them credence.

Adoptive parents need to be aware these Asian American girls will be subjected to slurs, name-calling, putdowns (physical and emotional). It is a normal way societies test and accept (or not) other cultures. Being Asian means they can never physically disappear into the mainstream. They will always be diffent and they need to find ways to deal with that. Exposing them to their country's history and language is a way to help them understand their ethnic strengths.

I think Mr Cohen was too flip in his remarks about an Upper West Side as a heritage. These Chinese girls have a rich Asian, a rich American heritage, and a rich ethnic heritage from their adoped parents (Jewish and otherwise) that can be uniquely assimilated into their beings. The best successful example I can give is Barack Obama!

As an Ethiopian, I can tell you we have a pragmatic view on westerners adopting children from our land. Yes, these children will grow up away from their language and culture, but parents who are willing to fly to the other side of the world to adopt and raise a child are capable of picking up a book and educating their children about culture, visiting local immigrant communities, or returning to birthplace on visits. These adopted kids might just well end up knowing more than children born to immigrants, who nowadays take everything for granted and know little about their parent's culture. There will always be people ready to make race an issue, even though they themselves never try to make any meaningful contribution to others in society.

A few years ago a true bubble head i know was concerned about some mututal friends who were adopting out of Central America- She wanted to know what they planned to do when the baby started speaking, as neither of them spoke Spanish..
In retrospect she was no more off the mark than those who are appalled when childrn are adopted out of their "culture"...
Worrying about what might happen to a child adopted outside of their culture is as rascist as suggesting that people who live on the water not adopt black kids- since they won't be able to float.
Couple some of this segment w/ the latter "girl next door" segment and I'd say this is just about the most racist show I've heard- not that I'm criticizing NPR- just some of the guests and commenters.

"I think celebrities should get special treatment when adopting children from improvised countries. The child Madonna was going to adopt would have gotten a much better life with her than in an orphanage."

Yes, let's hear it for Joan Crawford. Mommy Dearest triumphant, eh?

Oddly, this remark, "... Children of Chinese descent growing up on the Upper West Side neatly disproves these still-lingering ideas that should have died in the 19th Century. There is no culture or identity that is theirs from birth from which they're deprived if they happen to be raised somewhere else in a wholly different context.", well, it deserves some comment.

Oddly naive, now isn't it? Though not charmingly so. What it likely leaves those children with is at the least the purely negative aspects of an ethnic background, as no matter what precinct of the Upper West Side state of mind they grow up in, someone somewhere is always going to want to give them grief for the aspects of their existence that are not about where their parents bought a latte or sent them to day care. There are aspects of heritage not considered in that remark.

The somewhat over-principled position on Int'l Adoptions would appear to sacrifice the baby in anticipation of clean bath water at some distant time in some nebulous future. The good being the sacrficial offering to the prospect of the perfect.

Is essentialism ethical? Hardly. Children of Chinese descent growing up on the Upper West Side neatly disproves these still-lingering ideas that should have died in the 19th Century. There is no culture or identity that is theirs from birth from which they're deprived if they happen to be raised somewhere else in a wholly different context.

#4 Are you channelling Gingrich circa '93???

Yeah, everybody should spend some time in an orphanage as it builds character.

And how dare women try to defy the laws of nature and put off doing what damn natural and right, then try and buy it later for themselves. If they can't have one, then by golly, maybe the good Lord juss made 'em like that andd they oughta suck it up and get a poodle or something. Just leave those kids where they are!!!

I am a single, childless, white woman in her mid-thirties. I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiments expressed by the soon to be adoptive parents. The decision to adopt is so personal, and the needs of orphaned children worldwide are so desperate, that we really have to suspend or reframe these arguments that children shouldn't be adopted by parents of a different race. Despite all of America's racial problems, we are still the most ethnically diverse country in the world. My generation has many, many members who are biracial (even triracial!). I can't think of another country where a transracial adoption would have a better chance of success. Of course there will be problems, and some of them unique to the transracial issue. However, adopting a child of any race brings with it all sorts of challenges. Ultimately, all of our philosophical unease about transracial adoptions seems petty and even damaging when it comes to the lives of the children in question. They deserve love, health and happiness.

I never thought I would defend Madonna -- I've never given her much thought. But making fun of her for changing her hair color seems totally ridiculous. She was an entertainer -- she changed her persona and her look to fit her act. Would you make fun of an actor for changing their hair color to suit a part? Which happnes all the time. Make fun of her for something else.

I'm against adoption on principle, except of true orphans with no family willing to raise them, or of children who have been sexually or criminally abused. But I find this whole business of "professional" women putting off marriage and child bearing, and then finding themselves in a frenzy to adopt some "poor child" from some faraway place as an abuse of human rights. A child should be kept as close to his physical parents as possible. Arguments of an economically "better"life holds no water with me. Poverty has been the norm, and wealth the exception in human history, and I find using poverty as an excuse to rob parents of their children repugnant, to say the least.
Also, I think orphanages have gotten a very bad rap. Many people raised in well-run, caring orphanages have gone on to live very good and fulfilling lives.

Like Stephanie from Brooklyn, my husband and I are in the process of adopting from Ethiopia. We too have encountered assumptions and ignorance when we tell people about our adoption. The truth is, third world countries change their laws governing international adoption often, for endless reasons.

We run into many questions in part because we have two biological children. (My favorite, "Are you broken?") We find ourselves often trying to justify a personal choice that was years in the making to people we've never met. But most often, our decision is happily met with support, love, cheers even! I would love to trash "Madge", but I won't. The decision to adopt, the decision to have a child at all is a very personal one. I'll judge her music, I won't judge the love she has for this child or any of her children. Some things simply should not be public domain. Some things should simply be off limits.

My husband and I (white & middle-class) are adopting a baby from Ethiopia.

There is an enormous amount of ignorance and assumptions made around the subject of international adoptions, especially ones that are transracial.

Adoption is a highly personal and private matter. Individuals and couples are motivated by the same impulses that lead anybody to have children: the deep, basic desire to be a parent, to love and raise a child, and to have a family. Families choose international or domestic adoptions for a variety of reasons; it is incredibly complicated. For many families, domestic adoptions are nearly impossible, or much more difficult than international adoptions.

My husband and I opted for an international adoption because we are an older couple. We knew that in domestic adoptions, the adopting parent(s) must be chosen by a birth mother, a process that can take many years. We know of one family that has been waiting to be chosen for 7 years. Simply put, we felt that we didn't have such an open-ended timeframe.

We chose Ethiopia not out of a desire to "rescue" an impoverished African child, nor out of a desire to be "noble," "admirable," or "so Angelina," (comments we have heard from friends and family). We chose Ethiopia because, frankly, right now, in the world of international adoptions, Ethiopia is running the smoothest, most functional, and most rapid system of any other country. Adopting from Ethiopia will also give us the opportunity to adopt an infant, which is important to us. The orphanages in Ethiopia are superbly run, with excellent health care for the children.

As to the Madonna situation particularly, I don't think she should be exempt from any of the rules that any other potential adoptive parent would be subject to. Goodness knows we've jumped through lots and lots of hoops to go through with this adoption. When special treatment is extended to celebrities, it sends the wront message about adoptions.

I think celebrities should get special treatment when adopting children from improvised countries. The child Madonna was going to adopt would have gotten a much better life with her than in an orphanage.