NEW YORK September 08, 2003 — If you see any New York City firefighters wearing their navy blue dress uniforms, you may be able to tell where they were on September 11th. This year, the fire department gave out commemorative medals to every firefighter who was working during the attack on the World Trade Center. But as one fire marshal learned, a medal doesn't tell the whole story. WNYC's Beth Fertig has this report about a quest for recognition.

The World Trade Center medals are rectangular shaped pins displayed over the heart. Like all other medals in the fire department, they're modeled after military ribbons. And they're meant to remind others of distinguished acts of bravery. But because of the tragedy surrounding 9-11, these medals are black and purple. Lieutenant Dave Molaterni wore his at a recent graduation ceremony for new firefighters.

MOLATERNI: The purple and black is typical traditional mourning drapes that we either wear, or adorn the firehouse as well. The 343 of course symbolizes the 343 guys that we did lose at the trade center. Next to that you'll see there's a star.

KING: There's different ribbons for different activities.

Firefighter Tommy King is wearing a ribbon with one bronze star. It means he was a rescuer.

KING: Guys who were there within the first 24 hours got one of these or 1 star. If you were there when the buildings came down it was 2 stars - those are survivors.

MOLATERNI: If you see a two star you know the guy survived the collapse of trade center, you sit and you think God what did this guy go through?

Like the rest of New Yorkers, though, what firefighters went through on September 11th isn't so easily marked by a simple pin. Just ask Jonathan Mercurio.

Mercurio's story begins like that of many other New Yorkers. The 50 year old fire marshal was driving to work when heard a news report on the radio saying the World Trade Center had just been struck by a plane.

MERCURIO: Got to the Bronx base which is located at Park Avenue and 159th, I grabbed the company car.

Mercurio's office in the Bronx was far away from the Trade Center. But knew he had to respond to the scene - even if that meant going alone. His partner was out on medical leave. So Mercurio headed down the FDR drive in his unmarked Chevy Caprice. But the first tower had already collapsed and he wasn't able to get to the fire department's command center.

MERCURIO: Everything's on fire, the streets on fire, the smaller buildings on fire, and you can't see more than 30-40 feet in the air so you really don't know the building's gone. I'm standing right there just off Broadway and Liberty I hear the steel twisting and the pancaking collapse, the pancaking of the second tower coming down. And just not comprehending what's going on.

Mercurio drove a couple of injured people to an ambulance. Later, he met up with his fellow fire marshals at a command center on Chambers Street.

That was the first time any of Mercurio's colleagues saw him on September 11th. By then, it was well after the collapse of the second tower. And, as he learned this year, well after the cut-off point to qualify for a survivor's medal.

MERCURIO: My supervisor he knew I was downtown, just that he was in a different location. He responded on the west side, I responded on the east side. They all know I was there but as far as where I was at time of collapse nobody could verify that. Except me.

Mercurio was awarded a 1-star rescuer's medal. But he felt like he had earned a survivor's medal. He wrote letters to his supervisors explaining his whereabouts. He even located two witnesses. But then he learned he wasn't close enough to be considered a survivor, anyway. It turns out the intersection of Broadway and Liberty was one block east of the boundary the department considers quote, in the area of the collapse.

MERCURIO: I consider myself a survivor. There's no place to hide standing in the middle of Liberty Street and Broadway.

The fire department says it came up with a three-tiered system of medals in order to recognize everyone. Thousands of firefighters were awarded ribbons with no stars just for being part of the overall search and rescue campaign. Assistant Chief Peter Hayden.

HAYDEN: We certainly feel that there were members there, survivors in particular, that were placed at a greater degree of risk than campaign workers. But we felt that everybody in the department because of all the effort that was put forth during the rescue and recovery operations and the many months there afterwards deserved a recognition.

A few other firefighters are said to have questioned their medals. But Jonathan Mercurio is unique because he pressed his case. It might seem strange to care so much about a medal. But the culture of the fire department isn't all that different from any military service.

SERE: It's not the medal and it's not what it's made of it's the act that you're acknowledging.

Ed Sere is a retired firefighter who's now writing a book about medals in the New York City fire department.

SERE: Here's an old Brooklyn medal, look at this Brooklyn cross they're all engraved, this medal given around 1907 I think.

Sere says medals are always coveted.

SERE: You'll hear more guys saying that they were duped out of a medal, they should have gotten a medal //EDIT// Chief should have wrote them up. Some chiefs were known to write everything up and some chiefs were known not to ever put an award in. But that's the system.

Those who know Jonathan Mercurio believe HIS desire for a survivor's medal is about something more than recognition. It's almost about validation.

Richard Ruggiero is a retired fire marshal who was Mercurio's partner for nine years.

RUGGIERO: Jonathan like the rest of us, any firefighter or fire marshal, if you really wanted to hurt us really bad you'd stop us from doing what we're supposed to do.

He says Mercurio was especially frustrated because he was assigned to the medical examiner's office after 9/11, when many firefighters wanted to be at Ground Zero. Ruggiero believes his former partner deserves the survivor's medal. If only because he followed the call of duty and went to the Trade Center alone.

RUGGIERO: The one particular act that defines what he was all about on that day was he got in the car and he went - (breaks) sorry, it touches me. He's like a, he's not only a duck out of water. He was a fireman out of water. A fire marshal out of water. And the frustration level and anybody's ability to cope, it's unbelievable.

For his part, Jonathan Mercurio says he's now at peace with the fire department's decision.

MERCURIO: We lost 343 guys there. They're never coming home. Alright. I came home that morning. I went home to my family. Excuse me It's hard. Thinking about the guys we lost. Like I said, I do consider myself a survivor. If my bosses believe that I'm out of the immediate area of the collapse, I accept that.

And yet, the question lingers: what does a medal really mean? Is a firefighter who survived the collapse of the towers any more honorable than the one who arrived days later, and sifted through piles of burning rubble for his friends?

BAGPIPES

The fire department has been dealing with this issue throughout the past two years of funerals and processions. But it's a question all New Yorkers struggle with in their own ways. Those who were working downtown may feel more closely connected to the tragedy than people in Midtown. And relatives of the victims feel another sense of ownership.

Ed Sere has spent a lot of time thinking about these issues. Looking over his collection of old fire department medals, he offers a few words of advice to Jonathan Mercurio.

SERE: All I can tell Jon is: Jon you did what you could do. You wear what you want to wear. You know. What you did is not going to be on your chest, it's in your heart. It's in your mind. You'll remember it until the day you die, you'll tell your kids, you'll tell your grandchildren what you did. That's what's important.

After wrangling over his medal for the past year, Mercurio seems to agree. Whether it's two stars or one, he says, it doesn't matter what the public sees.

MERCURIO: They may understand what the ribbons are, if they do see a firefighter in the dress uniform with 2 stars they'll know they were there. Alright. We were all there though. We were all there. One way or another.

For WNYC I'm Beth Fertig.