Adam

Can my life open wide enough to contain the person I hope I'm becoming? I just watched Howl with James Franco as Allen Ginsburg and was really hit with this monologue:

In San Francisco I had a year of psychotherapy with a Dr. Hicks. I was blocked cause I couldnt' write. I was still trying to act normal. I was afraid I was crazy. I was sure that I was supposed to be heterosexual and that something was wrong with me. And Dr. Hicks kept saying, What do you want to do? What is your heart's desire? So finally I said, Oh, what I'd really like to do is to just quit all this and get a small room with Peter and devote myself to my writing, contemplation and, fucking and smoking pot and doing whatever I want. And he said, Why don't you do it then? Well, I mean what will happen if I grow old and I have pee stains in my underwear and I'm living in some furnished room and, nobody loves me and I'm white haired and I have no money and bread crumbs are falling on the floor and he said, Ah, don't worry about that. You're very charming and lovable and people will always love you.
What a relief to hear that! I very soon realized that it was all a fear trap. Just Illusory.

I'm looking at how to deal with fear when I get these peeks of what is possible and what is worth risking.