Aimee

My brother Michael made the doll as part of a last minute science project. My mother was no# help. Since my father died, she acted more like a friend than a parent, letting us have popcorn# for dinner and allowing us to stay up for the late show. She took on extra night shifts at the# hospital as a nurses' aid, and had no idea what was going on with us.####
Michael had just started high school, where he went from being a popular kid to a nameless# nobody. He did his best to shield me from whatever stress he underwent, but I could see that# things had changed. He walked home by himself and didn't stick around after school to play# soccer with friends like he had in middle school.####
The topic of the project was the human body. I suggested that he could use one of my two# Barbie dolls, but he politely refused. Instead, he created the body from old pillowcase, and the# head was a plastic rubber ball covered by a mismatched sock. He let me draw the eyes. I was so# nervous, I made one eye tiny and the other a huge black dot like the blown pupil of a dead# person. (I knew about these things from my mom, who often gave us a rundown of the crazy# stuff she'd seen on her shift. A blown pupil meant that the person was a goner. “Lights are on,# but nobody is home,” she explained). We stuck the little man on the poster board with arrows# pointing at the various parts of his body—the lungs, brain, heart.####
When I went to bed after staying up past midnight to put the finishing touches on the poster# title, The Human Body, and Its Mysteries: Why? I had the idea that we'd made this amazing# poster and a cool figure to go with it, but in the morning, the poster just looked bad; the writing# was crooked and the little man looked like exactly what it was, a form thrown together out# of desperation. My brother saw it too, but what was there to do? Our mother, who had returned# at some point in the night, lay fast asleep on the living room sofa.####
We didn't go to Science Fair night, even though it was mandatory. Instead, Michael and I sat on# the sofa and watched a black and white cop show where the bad guys confessed their crimes at# the end.####
As soon as he was old enough, he left for good. I thought he would come back for me, but he# never did.####
I still have dreams about the doll. In them, I'm searching for him. I know he is somewhere close# by. I check under beds and behind dressers. In my best dreams, I find him, but mostly, he stays# lost and out of reach.####