Russ

Dear Philip Morris Cigarette Manufacturing Concern,###
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To whom it may concern. I am writing you to express my sincere gratitude for the free promotional Marlboro thermos which I did receive from your representative at the Bentonburg Annual 4th of July Liberty Square Dance and Fish Fry last summer. It has proved to be uncommonly useful. I especially appreciate the generous amount of handle, which allows for the thermos to hang comfortably from a person’s forearm should their hands be otherwise preoccupied.###
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On a recent fishing trip I had the occasion to really put this thermos and its performance capabilities to the test. Not only did it keep my wife’s World Famous Six Time Blue Ribbon Award Winning Four Alarm Chili hot all the way on up to the lake, but I also found that with a little ice, it will keep things quite adequately cold for hours and hours. Please allow me to express my utmost gratitude by way offering up my personal testimony.###
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As I have already mentioned, the promotional Marlboro thermos which your good representative kindly furnished did accompany me on a fishing trip which turned out to be quite unfortunate. The trip that is, not the fact that the thermos was in attendance. I will refrain from boring you with trivial details, but suffice to say that an accident involving 20 pound test fishing line and a somewhat overly excitable bloodhound named Bucket had the unhappy result of amputating my pinky finger clean off my hand. Apparently, though you may not think so from looking at it, 20 pound test line can sufficiently cut through tissue when applied like a band saw. At least that is how Dr. Hancock explained it.###
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It was an honest shame to have to give up a thermos full of my wife’s World Famous Six Time Blue Ribbon Award Winning Four Alarm Chili. As I could not carry a fifty pound ice chest with just one working hand however, I had no choice. Bucket managed to lap up half of the chili before I could pack my pinky on ice in the thermos, so at least it all go to waste. The chili came back to haunt Bucket later on, but I don’t imagine dogs are capable of regret. Anyway, that’s neither here nor there.###
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The ice had only begun to melt by the time Bucket and I made it into the city. I am happy to report that Dr. Hancock says I can hope for up to 85 percent functionality to return to my pinky with the year and I owe it all to your company’s generosity.###
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Most gratefully yours,###
Austin “Lefty” Dobbs###
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P.S.###
Dr. Hancock was quite impressed by how well the thermos performed and would like to inquire about getting one for himself.###