Kevin

Angry Red Marlboro Thermos
“Throwing Down a Challenge to Toby Keith”####
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“Toby Keith, you are so shortsighted, your Red Solo Cup is NOTHING without me. Are you a joker or WHAT? Your diddy about a cup being your “friend” is lame and silly. I imagine your Mom is as proud of you now as when you worked in the exact change lane at the toll bridge. “ Is Red mad? Yes, and insulting too. ####
It had been a very long night for the Coleman Thermos and, well, he just wasn’t feeling it for the performer and his pop- country crossover tune. Red was taken up to Greasy Lake last night, carrier of boxed wine and a few ice cubes for college kids home for the summer, kids out for some young adult time to share. Over and over. . . and over again . . . they played “Red Solo Cup”. The lyrics became implanted in the memory of the container. But like its friend the dental implant, it was implanted alright, but this was not the fun and pretty type of implant. ####
“ . . . I fill you up, proceed to party, proceed to party …., MY EYE” muttered the little red jug. First of all thought Red, “I, ME, and myself…I am the one that “fills you up” and without Red, the party would not even be planned. Give me a break Toby!” ####
Long before the FDA asked for photo image warnings on smokes, the Marlboro-branded drink purveyor was on the job, and still is. In fact, the lack of progress in changing the basic form of a thermos is astounding. Advances in plastic changed the thickness of the containers, but the basic design is the same. Surprised at the small changes over the years, yes. But also, Red prides himself on that fact. “These red cups are johnnys-come-lately. And the CUP is getting all of this attention. It is a recyclable waste of precious plastic. Me, I am forever baby.” Red was on a roll. ####
“Maybe I watch too many movies but, ‘I coulda been a contendah’ “, he says mockingly emulating Brando.
“Red Solo Cup, good grief.” He’s always been known as “Red” but the drink cylinder is capped in white consuming about 1/3 of its form, and bears a white carrying handle.####
“My creators at Marlboro and Thermos were good to me in making me durable for sure. Look, I am the first to admit that it hasn’t been all fun and games for me. But listen to this, in the sixties, oh the sixties, that was a world of fun. The seventies weren’t bad for the first half, but then somebody’s mom used me to store cat litter for eight years. That was a sentence better suited for a red solo cup, useless piece of trash! After that, there were years of boating, hikes, camping, skiing and loads of fun. I carried soft drinks and hot chocolate, wine and cocktails, lemonade and iced tea. ####
Then little Kevin took me to college. Although I spent winters in the closet, for 8 months a year, we ‘proceeded to party.’ He and Monica took me to the beach and concerts, afternoons on the mall, Myrtle Beach and Grand Rapids, and we had a ball. Another sentence to storage followed, but this time it was just dead storage for me in the basement. Now, Kevin’s kids are using me and I may be going back to college soon. ####
In between I’ve been drop kicked, thrown from the top story of a dormitory, lost and forgotten, had my white third colored by little kids, and you name it. But I am still here. Let’s see a Solo Cup do that !! Or should I say SO LOW Cup. ####
Here’s my challenge Toby: do the right thing. Write me a song that is a fitting tribute to the red thermos and next year, take me along on the red carpet at the American Country Music Awards. Afterwards, we can pick up our swag and attend some of the late night parties. And, for my part, I can teach you how to “party like it’s 1969.”
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Kevin Carlin 609 947 1188
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