Joseph

Hello,###
I'm writing to ask you a couple of questions about the small wooden object you are selling on ebay for $5.00. Is it varnished? If so does the varnish smell? Or does it have another odor, such as old cigars, musty carpet, or (god forbid) old linoleum. Does the little arm move? Does it make a rubbing or squeaking sound? Does the edge of the wood make a satisfying tap when it touches the other piece of wood (assuming they touch at all)? What is the wood made of? Oak? Pine? Please don’t say it’s painted balsa. I can’t stand faux finishes! Is it heavy? Would you throw it at a home intruder if it were the only item you could get your hands on or would you be better off looking for something more substantial? If you were sitting on a back porch in March and lazily began moving the arm back and forth (again, assuming it moves) and your finger got caught in-between the two pieces of wood would you require medical assistance? Or maybe just some ice? I should have asked before, but is there a concealed blade anywhere? If that’s the case it surely wouldn’t be on my back porch in March or any other month!! It would be comfortably out of reach of anyone under 4 feet tall. But that brings us back to the weight, which I already asked about. I wouldn’t want it falling on anyone’s head that’s all. Well, I guess that covers it. ###

Thank You. Gloria ###

P.S. Why is the shipping $9.50? ###

Gloria,
I can tell you this thing’s made of wood and it moves. That’s about it. I don’t care to smell it, throw it, drop it, fondle it, or do anything else that involves medical attention or back patios in whatever month of the year. If you want it it’s $5.00 and shipping is $9.50 b/c that’s the price I decided. Thank you and have a nice day. Also, please check out my other items at Joe’s Ebay Garage. Thanks. ###

Joe.