Oil Tasting For Snobs
it is no secret that the price of oil is going up. But very few
people have any idea what it tastes like.
Therefore when I was invited to an oil tasting event at my
Exxon gas station I accepted.
The owner had his garage set up with tables. On the tables
were gallons and barrels of oil from all over the world.
“How do you decide which one to sell?” I asked.
“In this market we have to take what we can get. Here is a new
barrel of Saudi Arabian that just arrived. It has a beautiful color
and an aroma you won’t find in other Middle Eastern countries.”
He gave me a cup to taste.
I said, “It has a nutty taste, but goes down smoothly. I think it
has a lot of promise.” I spit it out.
“We will age it in the barrel for another year, when the price will
go up.”
He continued, “Here is a Kuwait Desert Red. It only can be
found in the southern part of the country. I find people with
SUVs prefer it over the Libyan Beaujolais, which is mixed with a
cheap Algerian product.”
I took a sip, then swirled it around and spit it out. “I’ll take
the Kuwait anytime.” I then asked, “Are there some years that are
better for oil than others?”
He replied, “Of course there are. I would not sell an Iraqi
Bordeaux while the war is going on.”
“This mean the 2003s and 2004s are hardly drinkable?”
“It is not only that. The Halliburton distributor marks up every
gallon three times what it is worth.”
We went over to another barrel. “This is a hard-to-get
Venezuelan Burgundy. The oil workers had been on strike for two
years, and this is all we could buy.”
Next to it was an English Channel red.
The station owner said, “English Channel red, when mixed
with Norwegian Fjord, is good for trucks and school busses.”
Then he told me there was still a shortage of Alaskan crude,
because for the first time the Chinese are thirstier than we are.
I said, “I hear Alaskan oil is being drilled in the tundra, and
moose and polar bears are always tripping over the pipeline.”
He said, “Right. Since Alaskan crude comes from the Arctic, it
should always be served at room temperature.”
He continued. “Over here we have several barrels of Nigerian
and Equatorial blends. We carry them in case a customer asks for
them for his Hyundai or Kia.”
I asked, “Do you have any Russian samples for tasting?”
“They are starting to become very popular. A Russian
Ivanovich is being swallowed up by European cars like the
Mercedes Benz, Volvo, and BMW.”
“And the Volkswagen?” I asked.
“Yes, but only if you pay in Eurodollars.” Then the owner said,
“That’s about it. A year ago we sold a gallon of regular for $1.40.
Now it is $2.40.”
“Same gas?”
“Would you like a blindfold test?”
“Why not?” I said.
He put a red bandana around my eyes. I tasted five of them. As
far as I was concerned, like most Americans, I couldn’t tell the
difference.