This is too weird!
-ed.

Subject: Why does the River Pool Swimmer swim the Hudson?

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that the swimmer won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the river before he can go after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the river. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding a veritable "TIDE" of new problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the swimmer is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the Hudson so bad. The color purple, swimming the Hudson ... though these metaphors of healing and cleansing are at work, this is life, People. So instead of having the swimmer risk drowning, which is a part of life, I'm going to give each swimmer at my show today a kayak. Then in the days and years to come he or she can just paddle across the Hudson and not have to live his life like the rest of the swimmers. Or not.

GEORGE W BUSH:
We don't really care why the swimmer crosses the Hudson. Homeland Security will be inspecting all "packages" and listening for suspicious "strokes". heh. We must know if the swimmer is on OUR side of the Hudson, or THEIR side. The swimmer is either swimming toward us, or the swimmer is swimming away from us. Bring 'em on!

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of our swimmer, among many other innocent-looking swimmers, crossing the Hudson. Before we know it, he may have the capacity to encourage many other swimmers. We cannot afford to wait for Rivers and Estuaries to act. We must meet him before he can swim further.

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there IS a swimmer, but we have do not yet have access to the other side of the Hudson. Meanwhile, trainscrowds continue to gather on the Beacon side near the train station as the clarion whistle of the Amtrak passes toward Montreal.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted not to let the swimmer cross the Hudson, I feel you may have misuderstood my intentions at that time. I felt it was the wrong river to cross, and I was misled about the swimmer's intentions. Today, along with many who have crossed rivers all over the world, rivers throughout history, rivers that have flowed north and south and both ways, I ask you to support my plan for crossing the Hudson. Let us all put away our differences and swim together on July 30.

NANCY GRACE:
You can see it in his eyes and the way he swimms. That swimmer crossed the Hudson to prove once and for all, IT'S SAFE. All the slander in the media to the contrary will not stop the Swimmer.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hard-working American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that swimmer was going. I had a standing order at the Beacon Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped. There was no insider swimmer. I have no information concerning the swimmer's intentions.

DR SEUSS:
Did the swimmer cross the Hudson water?
Did she cross it with a friendly otter?
Yes, the swimmer crossed the Hudson water.
Swimmimg dreams of River Pool have got her.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To put Newburgh behind. To reach the other side. Beacon. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the swimmer is a Clearwater Believer! But I cannot say it more plainly: the swimmer is simply SWIMMING ACROSS THE HUDSON. The liberal media paints it as "GOING TO THE OTHER SIDE." Brothers and sisters, YOU AND I are going to "the other side". The swimmer who says he is "crossing over" has been brainwashed. It's as plain and simple as that!

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the swimmer crossed the Hudson. Somebody told us the swimmer crossed the Hudson, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the swimmer tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how she experienced a serious case of swimmer's ear and could train only by going back and forth across Central Park and up and down the elevators at Bloomingdales for several months. She went on to accomplish her life-long dream of swimming the Hudson in her Blahnik water shoes.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine the Hudson River
It's easy if you try
Clean water below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Swimming for today...

You may say Pete was a dreamer
But he's not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
At the Pool floating in Hud-son

Imagine all the swimmers
stroking across in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer,
but on July the thirty
You too can be one of them,
and the world will swim as one.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of swimmers to swim across the Hudson.

BILL GATES:
Because he used Internet Explorer to sign up at http://www.riverpool.org and encouraged others to support him there as well. In two years, like Pete Seeger for the past 30 years, I will be working full-time with Melinda to fund on-going operations of River Pools around the world. Meanwhile, I have just released eSwim2005, which will not only chart your route across the Hudson from Newburgh to Beacon but will speak directions through Microsoft eGoggles. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eSwim. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra.....@&&^( C .. ...

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the swimmer really swim across the Hudson, or did the Hudson move beneath the swimmer?

BILL CLINTON:
First, let me say, I did not swim the Hudson with THAT swimmer. I crossed with many swimmers ... and kayakers ... That was another day. But now is the time that this swimmer swims for us all ... and we will swim on together, supporting all swimmers who take the challenge, equally and without regard to body mass, gender, or favorite stroke.

AL GORE:
The swimmer is discovering the Hudson ... as I have! It is never too late to discover.

COLONEL SANDERS:
Didn't this start out as a joke about a chicken?

Posted by leboheme at 02:01 PM