The Scrapbook

Why not just use non-permanant birth control measures, rather than the comparatively radical permanent solution of surgery, just in CASE you change your mind and want to have kids? R.B.

I was absolutely thrilled to listen to the segment today on young men who have vasectomies. As a seventeen year old who has no desire to be a father, it was of great importance to me. My thoughts on the subject have come up against opposition from my parents, friends and ex girlfriends, and I was glad to learn that there is an entire community who shares my viewpoints. My father, who is a lawyer, was really never around when I was growing up, which is one reason I don't want to have children. I don't want to subject someone to that sort of growing up. Also, a point that wasn't discussed is that there is a pressure on men to have children in order to continue a family tree. There aren't too many of us left in the United States [with my last name]. I'm the only male child in my family, so I won't be continuing my branch of the family, which makes my parents very disappointed. Though I feel that by not having children, I'm going to neglect the fundamental reason that I'm here on this earth, which is to procreate. B.G.

I'm a woman, and 40 now, and nearly off the hook, as far as I am concerned! What's so selfish (as people tell me) about not wanting to have kids? I think it's selfish to HAVE kids when you aren't really interested in having them, but want to conform to social norms!...The world is being repopulated as we speak! It doesn't need any help from me! C.J.

I understand how your decision to live child-free could lead to misunderstandings about societal norms when you are asked to explain yourself to others. Has the “No Kidding” community experienced much overlap with the gay community in regards to cultural rejection of a lifestyle that most would deem outside the "normal" course of procreation? M.M.

Early 20s is just a really early point in your life to make any kind of dramatic decision about the rest of your life. To presume you know so well who you're going to be at 40, when you're only halfway there, is much more of a teenager's perspective than an adult's. L.S.

At 23, you simply can't say "I know what I want out of life." People may think that at that age they know what they will want for the rest of their life, but there is a very good chance that they will be wrong. Making such a big decision at such an early age is unwise. T.m.

This message is for the caller who said that going childless is narcissistic: what could be more a narcissistic act than reproducing yourself? please. S.N.

If somebody decides at an early age that they don't want to reproduce and has a vasectomy and later has a change of heart there is always the option of adopting. There is a world of parentless children who are available to satisfy this need should it arise later in life. A child need not be your own to have the experience of childhood. G.P.S.

I'm a 42 year old female that knew at 22 I never wanted children. My father was upset by the decision when I informed him. My mother was more understanding. I am very happy with my life and choice. I love my niece and nephew but I don't know how my sister & brother in-law get through each day. S.C.

People seem to think that choosing to have a vasectomy at a young age is a bad idea, yet there is no mention of people who chose to have children at a young age. I think it's worse to have a child unprepared than to have a vasectomy unprepared. I had a tubal ligation at 26, and at 32, I have absolutely no regrets. J.P.

Congratulations to Vincent Ciaccio for being able to make his own choices about his own reproductive rights! By the way, if he ever does change his mind in the future (although that seems unlikely), what is wrong with adoption? Why does everyone seem to be assuming that not being able to have his own biological child means that he'd never be able to nuture and raise any child? A.R.

Just wanted to note that no one as mentioned adoption. If someone decides to have a child after a vasectomy, they could adopt. I have no intention of increasing the population myself, and if I ever decided to have a child, I would adopt. H.A.

I am a 34 year old man who, like Mr. Ciaccio, knew from a pretty young age that I did not want children. Unlike many "normal" people who just assume they will have kids without putting any thought into the decision, I thought about it, did research, talked to people and even chickened out one time before going through with it. Finally I had the procedure at 27 years old and have not regretted it for a moment. If I actually do change my mind, I want the listeners to remember the word adoption. People like myself are often accused of being selfish and narcissistic but we are not the ones who insist that our child come from our bodies, like many people who spend thousands of dollars on fertility drugs. J.G.

Somewhere around 17 or 18 years of age, I realized, actually I knew definitively, that having children was not be the right path for me. As a Catholic girl with working class parents, this was practically unheard of (late 50's, early 60's). When I told my psychotherapist (also a Catholic, and a traditional Italian male), he said, "Oh, I think you'll change your mind when you're a little older." (He also thought it was too late for me, then 17, to go back to school for my B.A., which I finally did and graduated at 44 with honors from Columbia, Phi Beta Kappa, etc.) I never did change my mind and never have regretted avoiding having children. M.F.

I applaud responsible adults who have come to the decision not to have children. Most men don’t want the responsibility of parenthood. This is evident by the thousands of cases in the New York City Office of Child Support Enforcement whereby mothers are receiving little or no money to feed their children. Society criticizes people who don’t want children and in turn, does the same for people who have more than three children. If as these people get older and they change their minds, there are tens of thousands of children waiting to be adopted in the New York City area alone. Americans are the narcissistic ones who view children as trophies of the suburban American Dream. G.B.